Diary Of A Sad Housewife

2010-01-11T22:00:00.000-08:00

MY NEW BLOG

Hi, all--this will be my last post--here at least....

I hope you'll join me over at my new blog: 'The End Of The Rainbow: Life After Bankruptcy'.

http://theendoftherainbowlifeafterbankruptcy.blogspot.com/

*You can find the blog link on my profile page under 'My Blogs'.

All your prayers and well wishes paid off and I am happy to report that Ed and I get a 'do-over'.

I don't think it's hit us yet--the only emotion I showed today was when our wonderful attorney said good-bye to us after the hearing and went to shake my hand. I pulled him into a hug and started crying. I told him; "None of this would have happened without you."

And without you all (you know who you are), these past few months would have been very lonely--you have lifted me up when I was down and I thank you.

Now, before I start bawling again--please meet me over at my new blog and kindly become my follower (in a good way I mean, not in a Jim Jones and strawberry kool-aid creepy kind of way!) and perhaps even spread the word that the 'sad housewife' has left the building.

~With my thanks~
Peace, love, happiness and health,
~Jo

2010-01-10T15:43:00.000-08:00

D-DAY

Well, tomorrow (Monday, Jan. 11th, 2010) is 'D-Day' for us--'D' being the big decision on our bankruptcy filing by a court mediator.

We've done both sessions of the on-line credit counseling (pre and post filing, as required) and the rest is out of our hands.

While things have indeed been better with the garnishment being stopped, thus giving us some breathing room for the first time in about a year and a half, Ed and I are acutely aware that things can go either way for us tomorrow.

The court appointed mediator can overturn everything and indeed find us liable and responsible for all debts--with the biggest one being over $30,000 (not including the incurred interest which brings the total to likely well over $50,000) for the second on the house we lost a year and a half ago.

Our attorney isn't foreseeing any trouble but the truth is--we just don't know.

IF everything goes as we hope, we won't know what to do first; smile in relief or cry.

Likely both.

When all is said and done, Ed and I will be sitting down this week and figuring out where to go from here money wise; look at different money market accounts, figure out how to best build our interest, how much to spend each month and on what, how much to start re-paying the personal loans that helped get us through this year (Ed's parents) and what we can afford for B's education, etc.

Then, I will also be changing my blog title to; 'The End Of The Rainbow: Life After Bankruptcy'.

If anyone is willing to help me with graphics on my new blog (that is should things indeed go well tomorrow) then I would be immensely grateful.

Blogging has been such as important part of my life these past six months, sad as that sounds, but I hope to be able to not only change the tone of my blog (thus hopefully no longer being the 'sad housewife') but also start living again.

Perhaps that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow has been attainable all along--and I will have learned that I am indeed in control of how my own happy ending plays out...and be able to take you all along for the ride.

So, here's to the end of the rainbow, that elusive pot of gold (i.e. debt free and happy) and steering my own course towards a happy ending.

I'll be back tomorrow with an update on how things went...well wishes and prayers gladly accepted and appreciated.

Peace, love, happiness and health,
~Jo

2010-01-06T08:07:00.000-08:00

NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

It's been a while since I posted something 'funny'--I can use a little funny right about now.

Yesterday I went to the dentist. I have had a very bad toothache for over a week now that has intensified leaving the left side of my cheek slightly swollen and my mouth in massive pain.

It's never simple, is it? God forbid it could be that a filling just came loose. No, it had to be that a root canal is needed.

We have crappy dental insurance so it would cost over $800.00 out of pocket.

Well, who the hell has that????

So, since the tooth in question is one of the upper ones in the back of my mouth, I'm just going to have the damned thing pulled.

That happens Friday which means until then, 'Ibuprofen' is my best friend.

So, in light of this, I need some cheering up and after visiting some blogs this morning, I got inspired (stop by to see Steven Anthony's picture of 'a naked snow shoveling guy with wings'--too funny!).

Today's inspiration comes from Mary and Jenny over at 'Writing Without Periods' (you can get to their blog via their blog button I have towards the bottom of my sidebar).

Two very funny writers over forty who in addition to having a very clever blog title (get it? 'Writing Without Periods'. You'll catch on), also share their wit and humor about middle age.

Below is a true story I wrote three and a half years ago, shortly after I turned 40 (I will be 44 this May), about what happened on the actual day of my 40th birthday.

I submitted it to several women's magazines to no avail.

However, I'm happy that I was able to share it with a few people who got a chuckle--and now I get to share it with you.

'Prologue':

I had hinted to Ed that I wanted a big 'fish and goose soiree'. Forty is indeed a milestone, after all, and I wanted to accept it with grace and festivity.

Didn't happen.

Read on to find out what DID happen and how I spent my 'special day':

'So…This Is Forty?'

Forty. A symbol of the first stages of middle age. People either look forward to it or perhaps some, like myself, are ambivalent about the whole “turning forty hoopla”.
Oh, I can admit now that I bought into it. I went through the whole gamut of emotions from anxiety (“Is that yet another gray hair???”) to girlish enthusiasm (“Yay! I just know I’m going to have the best party ever!!!”), and finally settled on the ever neutral ambivalence.

Pummeling head on into middle-age, I really wasn’t sure what I was expecting. Some great epiphany or clarity? Perhaps I thought I would suddenly be thrust into Tuscany riding on the back of a Vespa wearing a white dress.

However, as I quickly learned, reality, and life’s changes, is not as it is portrayed in the movies and I am not Diane Lane.

A day shy of a month after my fortieth birthday, I lost my father. Instead of fields of sunflowers and sheer lucidity, I instead found myself in mourning. The loss of a parent was more reality and clarity than I had bargained for. Wasn’t I still too young to be half an orphan? Apparently not. Of course, and just to be clear, forty does not mean that death looms in our midst, but for me that was certainly the case.

On the actual day I turned forty, I kept thinking that I would feel differently, look differently and be treated differently. Didn’t happen. Alas, I was like every other schmuck that day.

What proceeded was instead a normal day in my life where, par for the course, few things seemed to go right; chaos and rushing from here to there, I ultimately found myself lost in the hills, out of town no less, searching for my son’s baseball game.

This is where Map-Quest comes in handy. However, courtesy of our broken printer and, subsequently, my husbands rushed, handwritten directions (who was already at the game waiting for me), I missed my turn, and being one of the few people who did not have a cell phone, I was clearly on my own. Driving further up a very secluded hill and deeper into obscurity—I was indeed not only lost but I was also now late.

Happy birthday to me.

Only upon hearing the theme to 'Deliverance' in my head did I finally turn around and start heading back down the hill—asking road workers and truck drivers along the way if they knew where this mystery street was. Being met by confused glances and scratching heads was not a good sign.

Oh, yeah—any minute now the confetti and balloons will fall from the heavens in my favorite shades of purple with all my family and friends popping out from the fields, hills, trees and from behind the workers trucks yelling “SURPRISE!” and bearing gifts.

Yep. Any minute now.

Only now I recognize that I was clearly in the early stages of delirium.

Well, I finally got there thanks to a man in a gas station parking lot who not only took pity on this sweaty, shaking and half-crying woman in a state of sheer panic (F.Y.I. nothing says “pity me” like smeared mascara and hair matted to ones forehead!) but who also knew the area and got me on my way.

My arrival was met by my husband who was sitting quite comfortably in a lawn chair, in the shade, front and center enjoying the game that was already in progress, AND who then said the 'wrong-est' words any man could say to a woman in my state; “What took you so long?”

Being more mature (now that I was forty and all), I believe I handled myself with the best decorum I could muster for such a situation as this; I 'carefully and thoughtfully' picked a few choice words that I, of course, 'quietly, calmly and--eh-hem--privately' flung in his direction.

I then stormed off to my car which was parked next to his, took out a bright green marker from my purse, took out the directions, circled his grossly misspelled street name and clipped them underneath his windshield wiper facing the inside so it would be the first thing he saw when he got in. (What did you think I was going to do with that marker?)

I’m nothing if not calm and rational.

I then proceeded to make the hour plus drive back home, crawled into bed and took a nap.

Forty never felt so good.

Oh yeah, and I got myself a cell phone.

2010-01-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

FOR JO ON NEW YEARS

I wasn't planning on blogging today, but something touched my heart--or I should say SOMEONE.

I'll keep this brief.

I've written several posts about Jo from 'Jo's Corner' (http://jomoseleysblog.blogspot.com/) and with this new year upon us and already in motion, I wanted to remind everyone that it's not too late to send Jo off a note if you're so inclined and would like to do something meaningful and kind for a fellow blogger--doesn't take but a few minutes and a stamp. :)

She asked for our company as she is alone and battling cancer, with no family around.

I sent her a Christmas card and donated for her new (much needed) wheelchair: you can find the donate button on the left hand side of her blog--but if donating isn't something you can do, please just send her a Happy New Years card or a note if you kindly would. She posted her address on her blog for us to do so.

I know that we are a community full of good hearts (I know because I've seen it and felt it from so many of you), so, let's strengthen our own spirits and souls by lifting Jo up in friendship.

The last thing I would want is for her to think that just because Christmas is over, that she is once again alone and forgotten.

Many of us likely started off this New Year with a 'resolution' (or a vow or promise to ourselves) to be better, to do better and/or to perhaps to reach out more.

Let's make good on that now. All it takes is a little time to send a few words of encouragement.

Many of us likely started off the New Year surrounded by family and or friends, too--Jo didn't.

Let's change that now:

Jo Moseley
802 Troy Rd. Apt. 105
Albert Lea, MN. 56007

Thank you! Blessings to you and yours in 2010 and always.

2010-01-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

AND SO IT IS

Today I was awarded by Herrad at http://accessdenied-livingwithms.blogspot.com/ the 'Fighting MS' award.

Thank you, sweet Herrad, for recognizing and acknowledging my efforts to fight against those who have MS--and bless you for your own battle and struggles with this disease.

You are an inspiration!

I'm trying to make the rounds today to return some of the blog love that has been bestowed upon me, I made it to about eleven blogs today--visiting will resume tomorrow.

As for now, I have much on my mind after thinking about what this new year brings. So, far it's brought about much thinking of the past, about friendships long ago gone astray, how we got here to this point, who tried to help, the end result, what I learned, what I finally acknowledged and what I can do differently.

In one week from today we have our bankruptcy hearing. Everything seems to hinge on this.

In light of this, I looked around not too long ago and realized that outside of B and our 'other kids'--Ed and I have been virtually alone in this process, with occasional support and help (financial, emotional) from our parents, who are plagued with their own problems. So, we chose to simply do the best we could in all of this.

So, upon looking around, I realized that the few friends we have had over the years are now gone. Either moved away or stayed away.

What kind of people were we that we ended up so isolated?

Many, many years ago I had a best friend named 'D'. It was through she that I met Ed--who is her cousin.

A little history:

When my daughter, 'C', was very little I was a struggling single parent, having left her abusive biological father--years later, when Ed and I married, he legally adopted 'C'.

Prior to meeting Ed, C and I lived with my Mom for a time, who then moved up north to be closer to my grandmother. My Mom helped so much at that time but when she left it was sink or swim for me. I sank.

I worked full time but couldn't keep up with rent, utilities, gas, car insurance and child care. I received no child support (EVER!) and when I tried to file for financial aid (food stamps, etc.), I was told I wasn't qualified.

I lived in my Mom's old house which was left to my brother who charged me rent--he had no choice having a home, four kids and a wife of his own to support.

My life and circumstances became impossible: I was living with no electricity and struggling to feed C and myself.

D stepped in and said; 'You're coming to live with us' ('us' being her and her parents).

I fought against it but gave in when I went three days without eating, having just enough for C.

I was getting thin, pale and sick.

I moved in with them and felt relief for the first time in MONTHS.

They were having to pay for my bad choices and being in a stable family gave me a glimpse of how life was supposed to be.

And they saw in me and my poor mothering skills (I was 19 when I got pregnant and 20 when I had C--I make no excuses, though) how life isn't supposed to be.

After the abuse, leaving her biological father, fighting to stay afloat every week, scared, working, struggling, being alone, moving again and again, I then didn't do anything to improve myself once I went to D's.

I became complacent--not attempting to improve myself or my life for me nor for C.

It took years and years for me to face the hard facts and truth about myself.

I met Ed, D's cousin, with whom I immediately hit it off.

Once he and I became involved, that was their final straw and I was asked to leave their home.

Make no mistakes, I wasn't just asked to leave their home, but their lives. Ed and I became the outcasts of the family.

I lost my place with them and my long friendship with D, who finally had enough.

Oh, how I thought then about her; "Life was always so easy for you, wasn't it?"

And it was.

But she tried to share that life with me and to help me--but I was too far gone in my own wants, needs and struggles to see the forest through the trees.

You simply cannot help someone who refuses to help themselves.

Against the odds, Ed and I have managed to stay together over 20 years.

But we've done so without friends in our lives.

I pushed people away as my narcissistic attitude and behavior carried on.

I was defensive of every bad move I ever made in my life and it was only a few years ago that I looked around and realized that there is a reason, outside of B and his friends, that we're alone.

It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to take a good, hard look at ones self--to see ones own faults and to travel down the well worn path of self discovery, realizing where we went wrong. Where I went wrong.

Needless to say, I no longer blame D for doing what she did. She tried her best while I did not.

About 15 years ago, I sent her a letter. In it, I apologized for it all.

It came back unopened with big red letters on it saying; "REJECTED".

I haven't tried since and simply got on with my life of self discovery and growth.

Now that Ed's biological Mom, 'E' is back in our lives, she mentions her beloved niece, D, a lot. Talking about her life with her husband and her kids. I remain silent saying nothing.

Saying nothing because it hurts me tremendously to have missed so much. E also mentions D's friends whom I also knew back then and with whom Denise is obviously still friends with.

This is salt in my wound. Well deserved, I'd say.

I remember when D met her now husband--she was 17 and we all worked together at my very first job, 'Taco Bell'.

Both were too shy to talk to the other so I gave a little, tiny push.

They have been together ever since and now have kids of their own.

I wasn't there for her wedding, for any of it.

It was the heavy price I needed to pay for years of bad choices and mistakes.

*Please see my post from back in August titled 'This I Know To Be True' http://diaryofasadhousewife-jo.blogspot.com/2009/08/this-i-know-to-be-true.html

So, this year--I vow to reach out to others more and to try and repay the kindness that so many tried to give me.

And while I won't be reaching out to D again--that boat has long sailed but I still think about her and wish for her nothing but the best--this year I vow to reach out to others, to try and do better in my choices and in my life.

To try and not be so alone. To learn how to smile at people more (instead of scowl) and to try to make friends--and keep them.

I'm a bit out of practice--and this will entail, of course, my having to leave my house now and then. I don't know where to start--maybe an exercise class or a writing class. Maybe I'll start walking or get a part time job.

If it doesn't happen, my Mom always said; 'If you can't have what you want, want what you have'.

What I have is a new sense of purpose, thought process and self-actualization.

What I have is Ed, B, our other kids--and what is my new self. And if I die tomorrow with only those things, I will die a satisfied woman.

2009-12-31T08:30:00.000-08:00

A YEAR IN THE LIFE: WHAT I KNOW, WHAT I'VE LEARNED AND WHAT I HOPE TO LEARN

Happy 2010, all! Hope everyone had a safe and festive New Years Eve.

WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE:

That LOVE is thicker than water. Without it, Ed, B and I had little chance of getting through this past year in tact.

When one of us was feeling disheartened, the other would lift us up. There were many, many times when one of us would say; "How the bloody hell are we going to eat this month? How are we going to make it until next payday? What are we going to do and will things ever get better?"

That's not only where resolve came in, but love. The love we have for one another gave us the tenacity to problem solve, prioritize, learn to make do and take over when the other felt they couldn't.

Love is not an emotion--it is simply good sense.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:

That I am stronger and more capable than I ever knew. Not to toot my own horn--believe me when I say that I am the poster child for that ever over used and popular term; 'low self esteem'--but several times B and Ed have said to me; "I don't know how you did it, but we made it through this year because of you.".

I would say it was more of a group effort. The truth is, I was always very complacent and took a very passive role in my married life and particularly in finances. I let Ed make the money and determine how it would be spent. On payday I would ask him; 'How much do I have for groceries?' and he would do the working and bill paying.

I'm ashamed of myself for sticking my head in the sand for so long--I knew that we were sinking financially and Ed asked several times for my help. But my fear took over. My fear that I wasn't smart nor capable enough to handle anything other than what I saw as my 'wifely and motherly duties'; grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, child rearing.

I took over our finances this year for the first time in our long marriage--it took us hitting rock bottom for me to get pro-active and because of that, I found my salt. I now know what I'm made of.

I'm only so very monumentally sorry that it took me so long to do so--had I done so sooner, we may have been able to avoid the financial horror of the past year.

"You do the best you know how to do--and when you know better, you DO better." ~Dr. Maya Angelou

WHAT I HOPE TO LEARN:

While there is always more learning to acquire, this is going to be simple:

~I hope to learn how to maintain my new found inner strength that I never knew was there

~I hope to accept things I cannot control and learn to make the best out of a bad situation

~I hope to learn to realize that there will always be bad times--and that it's okay and always will be in the end

~I hope to learn to get over my fears and rid myself of negative thoughts

~I hope to learn to enjoy life more--individually and as a unit

~I hope to learn to recognize happiness--but mostly I hope to learn to seek it out.

I wish the same for you. Happy New Year.

Peace, love, happiness and health,
~Jo

2009-12-30T08:03:00.000-08:00

NOW THAT THAT'S DONE

I hope this finds everyone doing well after all the Christmas hoopla.

I've just been lying low since Christmas ended, not having much to do nor post about.

However, I guess I'll start with the gifts from Ed and B:

From Ed:

'Glittens' (only mine are purple striped):

Black beanie (mine has three colored stripes on the bottom--I wear a lot of beanies this time of year):

A Bohemian type scarf (something else I wear a lot of):

Clog type slippers (exactly like these only in gray):

'Guesstures' (a game of Charades--it's a blast!):

And a glass bowl for holding votive candles (short and round like this one, only it's maroon and glass, not coconut--ha! Couldn't find anything else similar to post):

He also got me a few pairs of warm, fuzzy socks.

Just a bunch of nice little things that I really enjoy.

From B:

Two pairs of fleece pajama bottoms: one with peace signs and the other with snowmen (EXACTLY what I wanted and asked for!):

So, I've just been really enjoying my new items and the thoughtfulness and time Ed and B both took.

Yesterday, B and I took down all of our Christmas decorations--what a chore! As much as I love Christmas, I'm not one of these people that wait until the New Year to remove them. I'm simply ready to get over it, mourn the holidays and move on already so I can get onto the next thing.

The 'next thing' being, of course, our bankruptcy hearing set for Monday, January 11th.

Ed and I still have to do the post-filing on-line credit counseling and from there, it's out of our hands and in the hands of a court appointed mediator who determines our fate. Our attorney feels that it's pretty cut and dry but one never knows.

Even though the $1000.00 a month garnishment has stopped and we were able to manage a nice Christmas (and for the first time in a year, we actually have a little money in the bank left after bills, gas, groceries, Christmas, etc.) I nonetheless have this constant gnawing in my gut.

That is something that I'm simply used to--waiting for the other shoe to drop--and I imagine that it will stay there for a while.

We still have a son we're trying to put through junior college--expensive in it's own right just in books alone--and fees have gone up. So, there's not going to be a lot we can do differently.

I'm sure this makes me seem like a 'glass is half empty kind of gal', but kindly keep in mind that after a year of head-spinning and heartbreaking financial somersaults and setbacks, that old habits really are hard to break.

I may have mentioned before that I've become reclusive, rarely leaving my house: my neurosis and FEAR simply being another symptom of what we've been through.

The constant panic-stricken feeling remains.

Again, there's no handbook for this.

And while I've made no 'New Years resolutions' (except maybe to not start a sentence with 'And'! Nor do we have any definitive New Years Eve plans--I'll likely just set out some nibbles--not to be confused with 'nipples'-ha!--for any of the kids who stop by), I guess I really need to start learning to not only seek out happiness now, but to recognize it when it's in my midst.

To quote a line from one of my favorite movies, 'The Big Chill':

"I haven't met that many happy people in my life, how do they act?"

Guess I'll have to try and find out.

"I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." ~Charles Dickens

So, in closing my last post for 2009, thank you all for making these last few months of this year more bearable for me--especially Steven Anthony, Allen, Andrea, Herrad (stay strong, sweet lady!) and Meeko. Your friendship is immeasurable.

And to Jo (from 'Jo's Corner'--see a few posts below to learn more about this brave woman)--thank you for sharing your life with me. You are in my daily thoughts--and my heart.

To all my readers and bloggers, I wish you all everything that is good in 2010.

I wish that for us all.

Have a fun and safe New Years Eve.

See you next year.

Peace, love, happiness and health,
~Jo

2009-12-24T11:04:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS

It's so easy to throw that phrase around; 'Merry Christmas'. Some people resort to the political correctness of 'Happy Holidays' instead. I prefer the former but have been guilty of using the latter in unsure circumstances.

But when I say it--whatever 'it' may be--I mean it.

It's a rare time of year that brings about either the best or worst in all of us. Sometimes they coincide hand-in-hand.

Four letter word alert:

For example: last night I made a steak dinner (courtesy of a gift in the form of 'Omaha Steaks' from a vendor) for Ed, B and some of 'our kids' and their spouses in my very small 'room-for only one' kitchen, I had to finally say (after several warnings, mind you); "I love you all but get the fuck out of my kitchen!"

It was ridiculous--I'm trying to get those last minute touches done so I can get the food set out on the counter (where everyone serves themselves buffet style): slicing the garlic bread and putting it in a bowl, mashing the potatoes, seasoning the sliced tomatoes, getting the plates and forks out, etc.

I turn around and I have three people behind me--as far as I see it, they gave me no choice but to yell.

And no, I did not apologize. They can all see the space of my apartment sized kitchen and that I'm scrambling to get the food finished so not only that they can eat, but so I can sit down (after being on my feet since 5:00 a.m. baking, cooking, cleaning, etc.).

Not my finest hour.

However, once the food was indeed out--I could breathe, look around my home and see all my lit tart burners, my Christmas tree, the fire pit in the back yard with chairs around it (and a nice fire going) and everyone eating and enjoying their dinner.

See? The best and the worst.

Simply simplified:

I am not prepared to deal with a stressful holiday after the year we've had--period.

Last nights dinner was easy and plenty: steak (cooked in the oven for about 20 minutes with B's homemade marinade), 'Yukon Gold' mashed potatoes (don't need to peel them), easy homemade gravy, garlic bread and sliced tomatoes.

Dessert was an assortment of homemade goodies that I had baked early in the morning.

B went to the store for me for a few of the items I needed and even vacuumed for me.
Just a little straightening up on my part, a quick scrub of the toilets and sinks and I was done hours before anyone was expected.

I even managed to avoid the mall this season and got what little shopping I had to do done in just a few hours last Sunday--this was the season of gift cards, mostly to our local movie theater (plus, I got a few good deals on-line). I had a list of whom gets what, what I can afford to spend and I did not deviate from that.

Sales people hate me.

Just took a little prioritizing and planning.

And today, Christmas Eve, I have very little to do and can just relax with Ed and watch a few Christmas movies (B's at his 'sorta kinda girlfriends' house and will be home tonight).

Tonight we have church--which we normally don't attend but 'J', our 'oldest son' and his sister are singing together (she lives out of state and is just visiting for Christmas) and they asked us to attend. Afterwards we'll all likely come back here and sit around the fire pit snorting crack.

Just making sure you're paying attention.

Tomorrow we go to my in-laws with my Mom (after our morning gift opening here with Ed, B, my Mom and myself and a breakfast of homemade vegan pumpkin waffles).

It shouldn't be any other way for us at this stage in our lives with no little ones anymore or grandchildren yet.

So, whatever your religious preferences....

Whatever your financial situations....

And whatever your familial situation....

I wish for you all a peace filled, stress free and joyous Christmas.

Much love, happiness, peace and health,
~Jo

Burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese's Christmas mantle--I thought it was lovely and different.

2009-12-23T06:20:00.000-08:00

FOR JO AT CHRISTMAS

No, not me. For once, this isn't about me. I am blogging about my friend Jo Moseley over at 'Jo's Corner'.

http://jomoseleysblog.blogspot.com/

I know I have posted about Jo before but I feel now--at Christmastime when she is alone--is the time to do so again.

Jo has been battling cancer, an amputated leg and numerous infections that has her in and out of the hospital--and mostly she has been doing this alone.

Jo still needs a new wheelchair--I have donated a little (but am unable to do much, sadly): there is a donate button on the left hand side of her page.

There are three things we can do for Jo right now:

1) We can pray and/or send good thoughts her way

2) We can donate to help her get the wheelchair she needs (even a few dollars would help)

3) She would love to hear from us. She posted her address on her blog (and which I took the liberty of posting below)

Please, if you all would, send a note off to Jo. Whether it be today, tomorrow or after Christmas, let's please keep in mind that while we're running around cleaning, shopping and baking for the holidays (and stressing ourselves out to the max! Okay, maybe that's just me...)--she is alone in her apartment feeling sick, weak and discouraged.

Let's lift her up!

For whatever reason, she has family very nearby that has not helped her through any of this nor has she been included in their holiday celebration.

Jo can say it better than I, so, here are Jo's own words (from her last post):

"It is a sad Holiday Season for me this year. I can't really wrap my mind around the fact that I will be alone for Christmas this year. I truly don't know how I'm going to deal with that day. I have never been alone on Christmas Day! Not only is it sad for me, but I feel angry! Angry that I DO have family that lives less than a mile from me, yet I am not invited to be with them to Celebrate the Birth of our Lord. The angry part is that they KNOW how hurt I will be. It seems cruel to me. They will go to Church on Christmas Eve... but, will be okay the next morning, knowing that I will be alone and in pain. I DO NOT understand how they can "choose" to hurt me.

I wonder if that sounds dramatic to some who read it? Perhaps. But, I am a passionate woman. My God has given me a kind heart...a caring spirit. To make a CHOICE, to KNOWINGLY harm someone is not a part of me. What I DO know, is that I need to let go of my anger. Because, I know that anger can kill a person on the inside. And, if I choose to hang on to that anger, I will be in the same place that they are. It is not a good place. It is not a God place.

So I am making a choice to turn things around. I AM going to bake cookies and make fudge. I will do some things that I enjoy doing. I will take treats to some of my neighbors. I will sing Christmas Carols. And, I will sing "Happy Birthday, Dear Jesus", on His Birthday! I WILL CHOOSE HAPPINESS and PEACE!

I want to Wish You All a Merry Christmas! May You have a Blessed and Peaceful Holiday! Hug your Families...for You and for Me!"

And in a post from December 6th, 2009--she writes:

"I am realizing that my body is shutting down. And, that my time here on this Earth is coming to an end. That may sound strange to some. There has been nothing definitive said to make me believe or feel that way. I just know. My body is telling me. My heart and spirit are telling me."

Here is Jo's address--again, I am not violating her privacy--she posted this on her blog and is asking for our company:

Jo Moseley
802 Troy Rd. Apt. 105
Albert Lea, MN. 56007

We don't have to drive to do this, we don't have to stand in line to do this and we don't have to spend money to do this. We all have a pen and paper and all it will cost us is a little time and one stamp.

THIS is what Christmas is supposed to be about.

Thank you and Merry Christmas, my dear blog friends.

And Jo, if you're reading this--you are loved.

Peace, love, happiness and especially HEALTH,
~Jo

2009-12-21T09:37:00.000-08:00

MONDAY MADNESS

This post really only applies to fellow 'Survivor' fans as it pertains to last nights season finale of 'Survivor: Samoa'.

I'm going to fully impart what will likely be my unpopular opinion, drawing ire from feminists everywhere.

*On a side note--I consider myself somewhat of a feminist.

After all, I am particularly drawn to the musical likes of people like Janis Joplin, Joni Mitchell, Stevie Nicks, Linda Thompson, Linda Ronstadt, Carole King, and Carly Simon.

My favorite thespians are also female: Bette Davis, Joan Fontaine, Grace Kelly, Vanessa Redgrave, Shirley Maclaine, Julie Christie, Emma Thompson, Kate Winselt, Toni Collette, Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicole Kidman, Meryl Streep--just to name a few.

I am a HUGE Diablo Cody fan (Screenwriter of 'Juno' and Showtime's 'U.S. Of Tara') and I absolutely LOVED Bettie Page.

There are many other reasons I call myself a feminist, but I think I made my point.

However, before I move on--I'd like to express my deep sadness of another female actress who left us way too soon: my heart weighs heavy at the loss of beautiful, young and talented Brittany Murphy ('Clueless', 'Riding In Cars With Boys'--just to name a few).

Onto my 'Survivor' rant:

In light of my feminist views, I nonetheless found myself rooting for a man who dubbed his alliance with young females: 'My dumb-ass girl alliance'.

Russell:

This is a man who came into the game with the view of doing nothing but shaking things up and showing the world; "THIS is how you play 'Survivor!'"

And he outwitted, outplayed and nearly outlasted the hell out of it.

He single-handedly turned this season upside down.

This is a man who created chaos by burning his own tribe mates socks in the fire and emptying their water canteens while they slept--just to see what would happen.

He wanted to see some fight in his team.

This is a man who did the most despicable lying early on in the game by using the tragedy of 'Hurricane Katrina' as his backdrop, claiming to have lost his home and his beloved dog.

He's never even been to New Orleans--nor did he have a dog.

Not since 'Jonny Fairplay' lied about his Grandmother having died to receive favour from his tribe mates (she was indeed alive and well) had I been so disgusted by a player.

But....somewhere between Russell's lying, sabotaging and manipulating, he won me over and I found myself rooting for him.

Why? Because he was there to play hard and to win--and he proved it over and over.

He single-handedly picked off those who stood in his way at every tribal council.

His tribe, 'Foa Foa', was indeed on a losing streak against the stronger 'Galu' tribe, so, he used 'Foa Foa's' losing streak to his advantage turning a negative into a positive by eliminating those on his tribe who stood in his way.

'Foa Foa' was down so far in players that when the two tribes finally merged into one and individual immunity was 'up for grabs', there didn't seem a chance in hell of Russell--or any of the ill fated 'Foa Foa' tribe--making it much past the merge. They were sure to be picked off one by one.

However, Russell wasn't having it and he had other plans.

This man found hidden immunity idols without any clues (that was a first in 'Survivor' history)--one after the other--and starting making alliances with the enemy, picking off the strongest players that he knew he couldn't beat.

It's called a blindside.

Again and again until 'Foa Foa' finally outnumbered 'Galu' in the merge.

He aligned himself in the beginning with people from 'Foa Foa' who stayed loyal and allowed Russell to do the dirty work while they stayed quietly hidden in the background to his foreground, letting him 'take the bullets'.

He relished being the bad guy, the manipulator--and he did exactly what he said he was going to; he turned this game upside down and showed America how to play 'Survivor'.

He had no qualms about it--this is all for not only the title of 'Sole Survivor', but for a MILLION DOLLARS!

It's easy to sit in the comfort of our living room and judge what goes on and how someone like Russell plays the game. He's been called cocky, a dirty player, a cheat, a liar and a manipulator not to mention he is already a self made millionaire and an oil company owner.

Does that make him less deserving of a million dollars?

And as much as I would like to think I would keep my integrity in a game like 'Survivor', the truth is NONE of us knows what we're capable of doing out on an island away from family, friends, comfort, home, food and familiarity with you having to constantly plot, scheme and watch your back.

For a million dollars we might all just surprise ourselves and find out what were really made of--good, bad or indifferent.

ENTER NATALIE:

Natalie was aligned with Russell from the beginning of 'Foa Foa' and stayed aligned all through the game (along with Mick and Jaison).

The only smart move Natalie really made in the entire game (she didn't win one single immunity nor found a hidden immunity idol) was backing up Russell's schemes and dreams to make it to the final three.

For this, she considered herself worthy of a million dollars.

Apparently the jury agreed:

Natalie was named 'Sole Survivor' over Russell.

Mick was also in the final three but proved to be an obsolete player with no spark or backbone--I don't believe he received even a single vote for the million dollar win and title of 'Sole Survivor'. Nor did he deserve one.

So, in the end, the bitter jury (are you reading this, Erik and Jaison?)--comprised of nine voted off members--awarded Natalie the title and a million dollars.

Why?

Because she's attractive and was nicer than Russell.

Not because she was deserving--but because she was nice (and I HATE to even think this of the already bitter jury--but being pretty, blonde, petite and sporting a bikini the entire game might not have hurt, either).

EDIT (Tuesday morning): Jeff Probst said it best in his 'Entertainment Weekly' blog he posted just this morning: "It wasn't a vote for Natalie--it was a vote against Russell."

Again, it's not because she played a good game--but because she was nice.

That's funny--I thought this shows motto was "Outwit. Outplay. Outlast".

Not "Out-nice".

Clearly my mistake.

2009-12-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

IMAGINING LETTING IT BE

Hi, all. Well, to update you on yesterdays 'tirade'--I am deriving my strength and will from the immortal words of 'The Beatles': "And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be."

You may be asking right about now; "So, Jo--what the bloody hell does that mean?"

Hell, I don't know! Sounded good at the time.

Seriously, I'm letting it be.

Tonight we're getting our Christmas tree where we're (Ed, B and I) having E, my Mom and three of 'our kids' over to decorate it (our oldest son 'J', his wife and V). I haven't decided if I'm going to make a big pot of chili for the occasion or splurge on a few 'Little Caesar's' $5.00 pizzas (none of which I can partake in, of course).

Ed called E last night to invite her--she's actually not sure if she can make it and will let us know today; she had plans with some of her family members at her house that she's going to try and reschedule.

If she can't make it, we'll simply carry on as we have these past fifteen/sixteen or so years without her: we'll decorate our tree, I'll put in my favorite Christmas CD's ('A Celtic Christmas', Kenny G., Tony Bennett...), have some hot water for hot chocolate and apple cider ready and we'll chow on some good grub.

For the occasion, I'm even going to make my cinnamon fudge and Steven Anthony's 'Peppermint Meringue's' from his 'Man Dish' blog (http://manndish.blogspot.com/2009/12/peppermint-meringues.html --I'm sorry that I still haven't figured out how to post links on here!). Thank you, Steven, for this recipe and for sharing it with us!

Sheesh, all I need is a Santa suit, a sleigh and a long white beard--tempted to shave Ed's off and borrow it! Isn't Ed handsome, by the way???? Sorry, I digress...

Look at me being all jolly and stuff.

Well, jolly may not be the right word: I have a house to clean, cookies and fudge to bake, towels to fold and put away and hair to dye--I mean wash!!

Boy, it gets 'dirty' so quickly (there's a euphemism for gray if I ever heard one!).

Okay, for the first time in months (MONTHS!) I am going back to my red hair that personifies me. I feel like I was born a red head, shoulda been a red head.

Found hair dye (I mean shampoo. Yep--that's it. Shampoo) for $3.00 and some change on sale and got two boxes--BOTTLES!!

Oh, damn it all to hell.

In closing--and before my typing let's loose of any further secrets, I want to thank you all sincerely for your very kind comments. I am touched and overwhelmed that while I feel unsure of every single move I make (and have made) that some others see me as 'strong' (and some perhaps as 'whiny'--ha!).

I am still not sure where this thing with E will lead or how it will turn out--and I am equally unsure of our future relations with C (see my previous post if you're perhaps new here to catch up on my meanings): I can't begin to guess where either of their heads and hearts are leading them.

I can only try and control MY actions, my thoughts, my feelings and how I choose to play them out.

So, for now; I am attempting a little grace and am choosing to take the high road to make life a little easier for Ed and B (not to be confused with 'martyrdom' in any way!)--and perhaps in the end, I will find that by doing so, I made life a little easier for me, too.

Merry Christmas, my dear blog friends.

Thank you for sticking with me.

As for me? I'm simply letting it be.

Peace, love, happiness and health,
~Jo

"You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one"
~John Lennon

2009-12-17T08:21:00.000-08:00

THURSDAY TIRADE

Todays diatribe is brought to you by Amy at 'Just Add Walter'. http://justaddwalter.blogspot.com/

Thanks, Amy, for this great idea! It's gives us all validity to go on a rant!

So, today is payday. I was looking forward to our second payday without the garnishment as I still have done very little Christmas shopping and...still no tree.

I had made up my mind not to get a Christmas tree this year--it just seems like so much money for something that gets thrown out--with money having been so tight, I chose practicality over sentiment this year (and I don't do fake trees--no disrespect intended if you feel otherwise).

Then B told me last night that he feels extremely sad that for the first time in his life we're not getting a tree.

So, Friday night we're getting a tree.

Nothing extravagant--perhaps a three or four foot.

Nothing like a 6'2 19 year old breaking your heart.

Once again, I digress. I do that. A lot.

So, Ed's paycheck was deposited--with the garnishment still in tact!

Last payday his company reimbursed him with a separate check for the difference and said that this payday the garnishment would be removed automatically in his actual check, giving us that extra $500.00 that we desperately need.

Didn't happen.

So, now he has to go to payroll and find out what the bloody hell happened? We cannot have this. Unacceptable.

No doubt another check will be issued to him--but how long do we have to wait? Could be days...

It's Christmas!!! I have bills to pay, food to buy, gifts to purchase--oh yeah, and that damned Christmas tree I promised B!

::MAYDAY! MAYDAY! AIRING DIRTY LAUNDRY ALERT!::

Not literally, of course. Ewww! Filthy minded bloggers, I tell ya.

About Ed and I: we rarely argue. After twenty plus years, we've learned to avoid pushing those buttons that set us off and we generally get along very well.

Enter last night--oooh, doggy! We had a big one!!!

HUGE.

As I mentioned in previous posts, Ed's biological mother--I'll call her 'E'--recently came back into the picture after about a fifteen year estrangement.

Long story short: when her and Ed's Dad got divorced about 16 years or so ago, she lost it and took it out on Ed ordering him to make a decision: "Your Dad or me--you can't have us both!"

Ed refused to kowtow to her demands telling her that he will not choose.

After a brutal argument (I actually got punched in the face by her), she disowned us. Ed, me, 'C' (our daughter, who was about seven at the time) and B who was four.

That was it. We were cut off by her and her family. Ed was an only child--his cousins were his 'siblings' for all intents and purposes and all were there at our wedding.

Suddenly it was all taken away from Ed--and us.

The kids were confused about why their Grandmother was no longer in their life and we had to learn to just get on with things and heal.

The story gets much uglier but for the sake of privacy (that's new for me, eh? Ha!), I'm going to exercise a little self-control and spare you further details and just say that this woman caused my family and I much pain and suffering.

Fast forward to a few months ago when we received a letter out of the blue from her asking for forgiveness.

Ed went over and talked to her after that, said she got therapy, and since then we've been rebuilding and repairing.

All those years of harboring, I had to just cut the anchor loose and let it go.

She's since taken a few verbal jabs at me (intentional or not I couldn't say) and has said things that hurt me.

I haven't said one word to her.

Ed's Dad has since remarried a lovely woman that Ed has called 'Mom' for years. She takes great care of Ed's Dad and loves all of us--and us her. So, whenever E has come around, I put away the picture of Ed's 'Mom' and Dad so as not to hurt E. I see no reason to cause additional pain for her in spite of everything.

Nor have I brought up the punching incident, abandoning my kids--nothing has ever been said. Only warm embraces, catching up, etc. I even brought her Christmas presents and pictures of the kids that she missed over the years.

In light of this new development, I sent an E-mail to C and let her know the update with us and E. Now, if you've been reading my blog for a while you know that C and us have also been estranged for various reasons. She's 23 now.

I told C that I thought E to be sincere and that I would like to arrange a lunch or dinner at my house with all of us at her convenience.

She wrote back saying she's "too busy" to see us but that she would like E's phone number.

No problem--I gave her E's numbers and told her that I hope they can work things out.

I guess I didn't mean it, truthfully.

The green eyed monster reared it's chartreuse head last night when my Mom informed me of the 'good news' that C and E will be getting together Saturday night for dinner--sans us.

I lost it!

Okay, not my finest hour.

In spite of my having good intentions, I admit that I immediately felt resentful of C and E both. Both knew I wanted to be a part of this, to be a family once again--perhaps for my own selfish reasons, I admit.

C couldn't make time for us, but for the prodigal Grandmother--no problem.

So, when Ed came home, I told him everything; I was sobbing, in shock, upset, placing blame (on C and E both).

He unleashed back--said some hurtful things and primarily said that this isn't worth it--he's not going to go through this again with her and I at each others throats and the best thing to do would be to cut E off.

I told him that I didn't understand why he had to go to the extreme and take it the other way.

I just needed to vent and for him to perhaps understand my hurt feelings in all of this.

Instead, he name called, yelled, scream and then went into our bedroom, closing the door behind him.

B wasn't home and I ended up eating dinner alone.

When B did come home, he asked me what was wrong, he could tell I'd been crying. I tried to tell him that everything was fine but he wasn't buying it.

So, he gave me pause for thought: he said this is likely exactly what C wanted to happen. He reminded me of how she likes to stir things up and that he can't recall one good memory with his sister.

Ouch.

He said that E is one more person for C to use and get things out of and for me not to take any of this personally.

He then went in and talked to Ed who came out shortly after and apologized to me telling me that I didn't deserve the hurtful things he said.

He said he stands by his initial reaction and thoughts but that he shouldn't have exploded. He gave me a kiss and apologized again.

I really do have a wonderful husband.

And B....if I haven't said it enough before, let me just reiterate that B is a wonderful, beautiful souled man and I am so blessed to have raised him.

There are only about seven of us at the holidays; Ed, B, myself, my Mom, Ed's parents and his step-brother.

I envy those with big family Christmases and I guess I was hoping to change that.

In closing, I have to learn to try and fully un-tether my anger at E and just let things slide so Ed can have her in his life and B can have another Grandmother--or this will in no way work.

I have to also decide whether to stop trying with C and let her come back in her own time....

Right now, I'm conflicted about all of it and have to learn to be content with the old adage of 'It is what it is.'

Peace, love, happiness and health,
~Jo

2009-12-15T07:32:00.000-08:00

Jo's Christmas Gaffe

I've heard of a Christmas goose but this is ridiculous!

I haven't done much Christmas shopping even though we had an extra $500.00 on Ed's pay last payday (with the garnishment now stopped)--I paid rent, paid some bills and spent a little more on food than I normally do so Ed especially could eat better (i.e. healthier) after his 'Swine Flu' related hypo-glycemic passing out incident.

Although I'm still being frugal, I have ordered a few things on-line this week for Ed and B (I found a good price on a few items that I couldn't find in stores) in order to ensure a Christmas arrival.

So, last night after B left to go to his sorta girlfriends house for the night, I got on-line to order him something that his friend, 'V', said he really wanted.

It was reasonably priced and I thought I had better order it NOW. B has a fashion sense all his own, combining trendy skinny jeans with pea coats (ala 'Boondock Saints'), a beanie and bare feet. He has shoes, of course, he just doesn't like to wear them. Being 6'2, about 250 with long hair, a goatee, piercings and tattoos, he looks like someone you'd want to cross the street when approaching--ha! Alas, he's a sweetheart--well, most of the time. He is 19 after all which makes me stupid, naturally.

Parents of young adults totally get what I mean.

B a few summers ago--one of the last pictures of him wearing shoes--ha!

But I digress.

Okay, we all know I'm not computer savvy, by my own admission.

I've ordered items here and there on-line before with no problem. They always arrive at the price I paid. End of story--happy ending for all.

So, I go to order this item for B last night and I'm doing great--no problem navigating the site until I get to 'shipping preferences'--then it all went kablooky!

All of a sudden I see I'm being charged $25.46 for shipping.

I didn't click 'Submit Order'--instead I went to the previous page to try and correct it.

I then ended up being charged another $2.00!

That now leaves me with $40.00 in the bank.

So, all in all my order totaled $56.46 for one piece of clothing item (that was under $30.00).

From there it all went black.

I woke up this morning to call the company, which is in New York, and only got answering machines. After leaving not one but two panicky voice mails ("I need someone--ANYONE--from your company to call me back as soon possible--I am VERY upset...!!!!") my call was returned.

He said it was a problem on their end after a recent overhaul of their website and that the person who did it 'screwed up'.

Ya think?

He then said the $27.46 in shipping costs was being reversed but that it would take 24 to 48 hours to show back up in my bank.

I will now be charged $9.00 and some change for the regular shipping price (Yikes!) which means I now have about $30.00 in the bank 'til this gets reversed and put back in my account.

And for my trouble? No apology nor a guarantee for a before Christmas delivery.

What the hell did I ever do to Santa?

The old curmudgeo-nous codger needs to retire and turn the business over to Mrs. Claus--whom I believe to be empathetic and would at least comfort me by letting me lay my head in her lap covered with one of her handmade quilts while sucking my thumb.

I'm just sayin'.

EDIT: So, 'V' just called me and asked if I ordered said item for B already. I told him I in fact have and what a big mess it's been. He then proceeds to inform me that B's sorta kinda girlfriend ordered B the exact same one--same color, size...everything!

Damn it all to hell, I say!

So, I then have to call the same cheery guy back--whom I spoke with this morning about reversing the shipping charges--and change my order.

I just got B the same one only in a different color.

Wear it good health, kid, because that damn thing is going to be the death of ME!

2009-12-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

WISH LIST

We all have one, a wish that is--and we all say 'I really don't want anything'.

But....of course I do. In addition to being human, I'm inherently female and I desire just like everyone else.

We've deprived ourselves for a long time on buying anything--due to this I am in desperate need of--eh hem--unmentionables, which I will mention because that's just the kind of cheeky broad I am: bras and panties.

Okay, nothing as fancy and uninhibiting as the above--I'm more of a cotton and comfort kind of gal.

However, I am not putting bras and panties on my list for others to buy me--with my fluctuating weight, these are items I will have to get myself in the new year.

So, Jo--why did you feel the need then to mention them?

NO IDEA!

In addition to being cheeky, I guess I'm just a weirdo. Or perverted if you want to get all technical on me.

Hmmm. Must ponder that later....

So, Ed and B asked me this weekend what I wanted for Christmas--and so I compiled a list of mostly very affordable wants:

Fleece Pajama Bottoms (Walmart):

Snowman/Christmas Socks:

Slip-on Thick Slippers:

Yankee Candle Tarts:

and...

Yankee Candle Tart Burners--which I neglected to put on my list but the boys know I love them:

Damien Rice CD's (or just Damien Rice!!!--see previous post for two of his videos):

Now for a few pricier fantasy items (which I wouldn't expect them to actually get me):

A Gift Card to 'Pier 1':

Cookware (am in desperate need of pots and pans):

But mostly I want people to donate to my 'MS Walk' page (see Novembers Post; 'I Walk For Scott'):

Because....I'd like to see a cure for MS in my lifetime!

2009-12-14T07:54:00.000-08:00

COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU

After much thought and deliberation, I will be starting a new blog or re-directing this one, after January 11th--pending on the outcome, of course.

January 11th is the date of our bankruptcy hearing--and if things go the way we hope (and dare to THINK), I will no longer be the 'Sad Housewife'.

While life will not always be perfect--for me and my Irish clan, life will begin to breathe again and we will start to live it.

I'm not actually planning on doing anything much different; I will still be frugal and will still champion my causes (MS and animal rights) but I'm HOPING it will bring about less fear. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop and expecting the worst. It's a constant ache in my gut that I must try and rid myself of.

We'll eat a little better--although not extravagant (just maybe lay off the hot dog sandwiches and Top Ramen for a while) and perhaps will even enjoy a long drive up the coast now and then like we used to. Mostly we will have a little money to save for dental emergencies, vet visits, car repairs, etc. without having to borrow it with our tail between our legs.

In light of this, again, I want to start a new blog after the hearing.

Ireland Forever!

Ed is 100% Irish (I have a little from my Dads side)--although, neither he, B nor I have ever been to Ireland (a dream we hope to one day fulfill)--so I thought about how to incorporate that into my new blog title.

So, here are a few of my ideas for new blog titles (and yes, I would love and appreciate your feedback):

~'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling'

~'Covered In Clover'

~'Cover Me In Clover'

~'I'm Looking Over A Four Leaf Clover'

~'Crimson And Clover'

~'Four Leaf Clover'

Subtitled: "The End Of The Rainbow: Life After Bankruptcy'.

I would like to incorporate, in my heading; clover, a rainbow and maybe a pot of gold--but instead of gold coins pouring out of it, they'll be mine, Ed's, B's and C's (our daughter. Although she doesn't live at home and we are still estranged, she is still a part of my heart and our family) smiling faces, like flowers sticking up out of a potted plant.

Being inferior to the modern technological age, I would need serious help with this. I don't know how much I could pay but I can try and budget it in--blogging has become so important to me. As I've said before, I'm not one of these people who gets tons and tons of comments, but I do love and appreciate those of you who do and love the friends I've made on here. You are very real to me.

So, again--feedback and help welcome.

I thank you.

In the meantime, check out these two videos by an amazing Irish artist (who is my celebrity crush, in addition to being so musically gifted) named Damien Rice (both featuring the vocals of Lisa Hannigan):

'9 Crimes' (odd video and a bit unnerving but stick with it--it's beautifully lyrical):

'The Blowers Daughter'

'Nollaig Shona Duit', my friends--which means 'Merry Christmas' in Gaelic.

Peace, love, happiness and health,
~Jo

2009-12-13T07:51:00.000-08:00

Christmas Fun

I borrowed this post from Meeko ( http://meekothedisgruntledsecretary.blogspot.com/)--I say borrow because 'stole' is such an ugly word--who borrowed it from someone else.

I could certainly use a little cheer--as can we all, eh?

If you're reading this post, then you must: (or don't . . . Meeko--and Jo--will love you either way!) :)

(a) leave a comment and answer the below 25 questions that Mandy made up,

(b) write the answers to the questions below in your own blog post, if you have a blog, that is.

or (c) call yourself a scrooge in the comment below and refuse to answer them.

I hope you choose (A) or (B) but if you choose (C) then I'll just let the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future deal with you. If you do decide to write your own blog post about it, please mention Mandy (see Meeko's post) since she is the author of these important questions. (Writers credit and all that jazz - thanks!)

(1) What is your favorite Christmas movie?
I have TWO actually. One to make me laugh: 'Christmas Vacation'
And the other to make me cry: 'It's A Wonderful Life'

(2) What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?
Not sure I have one but several years ago someone gave me 'Christmas Vacation 2'. It's still in the cellophane--I just can't bring myself to watch it for fear of disappointment (only Randy Quaid, as 'cousin Eddie', from the original movie, is in it). I guess I'm somewhat of a purist.

Oh, and I've never seen 'A Christmas Story'--NO IDEA WHY.

(3) What is your favorite Christmas song?
I'm a 'Santa Baby' kinda girl (in my perverted mind I envision it as a great pole dance song--ha! Sorry for the visual) and then there's 'What Child Is This' as sung by Enaid and Einalem on my 'Celtic Christmas' CD. Hauntingly beautiful. I try to ignore the fact that it's 'Greensleeves' redux supposedly written by Henry VIII for Anne Boleyn--prior to incarcerating and beheading her for alleged incest, that is. How's that for Merry Christmas?

(4) What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?
Meeko's answer: "None of them really. They only drive me crazy when I'm listening to the KOST and every single song is a Christmas song."

Mine: Ditto.

(5) What is your favorite Christmas drink?
Silk brand soy eggnog. With or without booze. I'm easy. Silence all you boys from my high school days!

(6) What is your favorite Christmas memory?
Several years ago Ed gave me a Lucille Ball black and white framed print by Gary Sadderup and hung it over our wall unit for me to find Christmas morning. The following year I got Desi Arnaz. Can't have Lucy without Desi.

(7) What is the best toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
*See above

(8) What is the worst toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
In general, anything my Mom buys--ha!

(9) What do you LOVE about the holidays?
Lit scented candles/tart burners, my Tony Bennett, Kenny G. and 'Celtic Christmas' CD's, watching Christmas movies, decorating, cooking, cold weather....

(10) What annoys you about the holidays?
That Christmas day itself is mind numbingly dull. Only about 7 of us at my in-laws while most everyone else seems to have packed houses.

(11) Do you prefer star or angel on top of a Christmas tree? Or something else? Meeko's answer: "My tree topper is Tinker Bell!"

I want what he's got!

(12) What is your family favorite recipe at Christmas?
Cinnamon fudge. I make it every year.

(13) Are you a Grinch or a Who at Christmastime? Why, I'm Jo Who who's slightly more than 42.

(14) Christmas light displays - Love them or Hate them?
I love them and appreciate so much those who go all out for the holidays just to see the joy on others' faces.

(15) Santas at the mall - Fun times or Creepy?
Depends on whether the kid has had too much hot chocolate prior to sitting on Santa's lap--creepier if it's an adult.

(16) Christmas cards - do you send them, yes or no?
I do E-mail E-greetings/newsletters (see previous post).

(17) What is the best thing about Christmas, in your opinion? The spirit it brings out in typically joyless people--moi included.

(18) What is the worst thing about Christmas?
The crowds, the over extension of ones budget (although, I don't do that) and those who get so carried away by shopping that they forget the true meaning and neglect to stop and smell the poinsettias.

(19) When do you put the tree up and take it down?
The tree (we haven't gotten one this year--not sure we are going to) goes up a week or two before Christmas typically, comes down the day after if I have my way. After Christmas, I'm ready to just get on to the next thing.

(20) Out of the 12 days of Christmas, which day and item would you want your true love to give to you?
12 bottles of wine chilling. No? What do you mean that's not part of the song???

(21) Why do you think that Grandma got run over by a reindeer?
That was Mrs. Clauses doing. Grandma's been lonely since losing Grandpa and well, you can imagine the rest of the sordid story. She had it comin'.

(22) Who is your favorite reindeer?
Personally I always thought Donner to be underrated.

(23) Do you believe in Santa Claus?
I do, I do--I really do!

(24) What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?
My Yankee Candle tarts burning in my tart burners.

(25) What would make you happy at Christmas this year?
For my friends and family to have all that my signature entails: 'Peace, love, happiness and health'.

Thanks to Mandy and Meeko--that was fun!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

Summing Up The Year In Whine And Rhyme

I sent this out to family and friends this morning via E-mail--our annual Christmas E-greeting/newsletter.

Most newsletters are filled with:

"Donny enjoyed water skiing for the first time while little Theresa Anne learned that making doo-doo in the dogs water bowl is a no-no."

"Brad got his fifth promotion of the year and we celebrated with an excursion to Bora-Bora. Next stop--St. Petersburg! Hold on to your babushkas!"

Yawn.

So, my satirical 'jest-ness' once again reared it's ugly, yet playful, head and concocted the following newsletter to family and friends and was sent out this morning.

I THOUGHT it was funny.

Apparently, I was the only one.

ZERO responses.

I THOUGHT my friends and family had a good sense of humor.

Wrong again.

Humor is subjective, I suppose. Whatever.

We'll see what tonight and tomorrow brings.

Hey, if others can't cry and laugh with me--f*ck 'em and a bah humbug to you, too.

Those of you who've been following me for a while, thankfully get my humor (I think--I HOPE).

Enjoy my year in whine and rhyme:

'A Sorta Kinda Funny Christmas Poem'

Merry Christmas, dear family and friends--we are quite happy to see 2009 come to a screeching end~

This will not be your typical cheerful greeting; one of vacations, good times nor a picture are we sending~

While we certainly hope this finds you all happy, healthy and well--for us this has been a year of pure screaming hell~

January began with a whimper not a bang, while in February we sadly lost our 18 year old feline~

February and through Spring is one giant blur, no happy times we can recall, though there must be some somewhere~

In June we began bankruptcy proceedings, got a shitty lawyer who wouldn't return our many rings~

Made promises and lied and didn't do his job, in the meantime we're flailing and began to openly sob~

Garnishment of a thousand was deducted each month, so from Ed's pay there was little left for breakfast, dinner or lunch~

Shitty lawyer kept promising our nightmare would soon end, but he didn't crunch the numbers right, then our fright fest truly began~

So, in fall Jo sought out a new attorney, one who did his job to help us on this journey~

Jo told shitty lawyer to go fly a kite, was last seen with Jimmy Hoffa--ask no questions and it will be all right~

Times were still tough with the garnishment in place, food was scarce, bills were--eh hem--'misplaced'~

We held on as best as we could, eating very little but hey--I now have great recipes for wood!~

Ed lost much weight but Jo gained what he shed, how that happened remains a great mystery in her head~

Not as thin as last year but thinner than the year before that, prefers to be what she was in '08 but at least she's still not quite as fat~

Then December 1st came our life's relief; our new lawyer filed bankruptcy to put an end to our prolonged grief~

That very week, Santa brought Ed an early gift; 'Swine Flu' came to visit, it's arrival cruel and quite swift~

Did we need this crap on top of everything else? Jo found him in the bathroom where he fainted and needed a lift~

He is on the road to wellness and is now back at work, still not feeling great but heaven knows we've been through a lot worse~

Okay, so not all of it has been so bad--B commenced high school in June and is now a happy grad~

Junior college he began and is now happily in place, for R.C.C. is where he is making his mark in the human race~

Other than that, there's not much else to ponder--if you see Santa tell him for us to head six feet under~

Thanks for nothing, Santa, and for a shitty year--maybe in 2010 someone will run over all your reindeer~

We'll try not to be bitter as we try to bounce back, we'll try never to eat 'Top Ramen' again, in fact~

So, here's to hoping for a better next new year--for you, for us and even for Santa and his lousy reindeer.

Peace, love, happiness and health

2009-12-09T16:18:00.000-08:00

THE AMERICAN DREAM--POSTING MY PRIDE

Moms bragging rights are being enforced and fully abused here.

I probably don't talk enough about B--likely because he doesn't like me to.

Being 19, the last thing he wants is his mother slobbering all over him and telling him--and the blog-verse--how wonderful I think he is.

There seems to be enough blogs about Moms raising their kids. Most of them are school age children or younger.

However, I'm a little late for that boat.

You may thank me.

Truthfully though, had the Internet been present during my child-rearing years, I may have very well too have utilized it to connect with other stay-at-home Moms.

However, my blog is a different sort. My blog is what happens when the children are grown--and other mid-life catastrophies.

My blog is primarily my place not to boast about my kids, but to rue the economy and the present circumstances we find ourselves in, as many other American families have.

Which leads me to my point.

Without too much histrionics, let me just say this much about B. He's a freshman in junior college entering his second semester who hopes to transfer to a four year.

One of the classes he's taking is 'Humanities'.

I'm sure my die-hard Republican son would rather gauge his eye out with a dull spoon rather than to admit he has a little tiny bit of his 'hippie-weirdo' (as he calls me) liberal Mom in him.

However, my heart nonetheless swells with pride at the following.

He and two other students in 'Humanities' were assigned to do a video about 'The American Dream' (B is not in it--he did part of the filming and editing, as did the other two students).

Okay, actually, the whole class had to do it.

Sheesh. Happy now?

Each group presented their montage.

At the end of this post is B and his groups video link (located on youtube)--he wanted to make sure, in this post, that I don't give him all the credit as all three of them put a lot of work into the filming and editing.

I understand that and I love his heart for thinking of them. But, you know what? I'm not their parent and I'm sure their parents will be showing this off in their own forums, rightfully so.

J (my 'oldest son') is in it. He is the caucasion short haired, kinda scruffy bearded tan T-shirt wearing sitting in the garage one.

How's that for descriptive?

I also know several of the others in the video, including the Asian mid-30's man, who is Ed's step-brother.

The rest are friends and family members of friends of B's and the others involved with this project.

With that said, B decided not to interview Ed and I for this project, although I thought us good candidates. Considering we're all but bankrupt, lost a home, struggle with health insurance coverage, auto insurance coverage, putting food on the table, etc., who better, I thought, than Ed and I to talk about 'The American Dream' and whether or not it still exists?

So, I was a little betwixt and befuddled ('butt hurt' as B would put it) at him not interviewing Ed nor myself. Perhaps it was too close for comfort. Perhaps he would be embarrassed.

Perhaps both.

Upon showing me the completed video project a little while ago, I tried to tell him how wonderful I thought it was, how proud I am and to say 'well done'. He just kind of said 'thanks' and moved along to the next thing in his day.

Maybe one day he'll get the 'parents pride' thing and only then he'll know that just because he's done being raised, doesn't mean he's done being loved.

Without further adieu, I present to you B and his groups version and vision of 'The American Dream' brought to you by 'Humanities 16' (being gadget stupid and not yet figuring out how to add links on here, I would just copy and paste it to your search bar). Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwV287m2JCk

EDIT: Per Steven Anthony's suggestion, I copied and pasted the embedded link from 'youtube' and--voila!--it actually worked! Thanks, my friend!

*View video below.

EDIT REDUX: So, upon viewing the video (sorry for it's length--it had to be, per their professor's request, approx. 10 minutes long), I'd like to know what you all think about The American Dream. Not only the video itself (again--well done, son and friends!), but also The American Dream in your words, from your perspective. All one has to do is go back and read my posts to know my view.

R.I.P. George Carlin--rock on!

2009-12-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

Hi, all. Ed went back to work today--in no way is he feeling up to par but he is indeed better than he was last week--for whatever that's worth, poor guy (and yes--poor me! Drove me nuts--ha!).

He simply cannot afford to keep missing work until this thing flees itself entirely from his system (he's not contagious), which could take weeks.

He is just very tired and rundown and, I imagine, he will come home tonight, eat dinner and go right to bed.

Thank you all so much for your support and well wishes.

I'd like to welcome my new followers--thank you for finding me and for commenting. I'm happy to have you here!

So, this morning I am trying to get caught back up in catching up with everyone.

So far I made one--inspired--stop before coming back to my blog to type this post, which I wasn't planning on doing today. I was just planning to spend some time catching up with everyone else.

However...one has to strike when inspiration hits.

I stopped by to visit Herrad at 'Access Denied-Living With Multiple Sclerosis'.

http://accessdenied-livingwithms.blogspot.com/

I love her blog--it is a good reminder, among many other things, that when I type my 'signature' "Peace, love and happiness" at the end of my posts (and when commenting on others' blogs) that I should start including the word "health".

It is something many of us indeed take for granted, myself included. It is so easy to get caught up in day to day financial, familial and emotional turmoil, that many of us can merely imagine what it's like to have a magnitude of issues facing us while living with a chronic illness simultaneously.

Late last month, I posted a blog about my friend, Scott, who has MS and whom I walk for.

Please see my blog (from late November) titled 'I WALK FOR SCOTT' to learn more about Scott and how I became enlightened, motivated and pro-active in the MS cause and, if you're so inclined, what you can do. There is no amount of gift--or time--that is too small.

So, I thought I would share some facts about MS.

WHAT IS MS?

*Multiple Sclerosis literally translates to mean 'Many Scars'

*MS affects our CNS (Central Nervous System).

*The nerves in our CNS are surrounded by a protective fiber (insulation, if you will) called 'Myelin'.

*The Sclerosis refers to the scar tissue that the Myelin endures from this disease, which 'punches holes' (lesions) in it

*There are many forms of MS. Some people live with it for years with only mild progression. For others like Scott (who has 'Secondary Progressive' MS) and Herrad (who has 'Primary Progressive' MS), the MS progresses very rapidly and methodically.

People I Know:

Last year at the MS camp I work at for one week every year, I met a lovely lady named Katie. Katie was in a wheelchair when I met her. She was accompanied by her husband, Bob--an equally lovely person. Katie would positively light up a room like a Christmas tree when she came in--always smiling, happy.

This year (in May) at the camp, Katie WALKED in.

She has the 'Relapse and Remit' form of MS: comes and goes at it's own will. Can you imagine how frustrating that must be????

Scott was 33 when he was diagnosed. Within five years, he would be in a wheelchair and having to retire from his 'Hospital Administration' job on disability.

MS very succinctly attacked his body (and his life--career, marriage, home...). He started with a cane, crutches, walker, wheelchair and now lives life in a power chair in Assisted Living (he's been there two years now). He is 53.

SYMPTOMS OF MS:

*Loss of gait/balance

*Double vision/increasingly depleting eye sight

*Numbness and/or tingling of limbs

*Loss of memory/concentration

*Loss of dexterity

Not everyone experiences all these symptoms--every case is different.

MS FACTS:

*Cases of MS is 50% higher in women than it is in men

*People afflicted with MS have a high intolerance for heat

*80% of people with MS suffer from severe fatigue

*Approximately 10% of Multiple Sclerosis patients experience 'Trigeminal Neuralgia'--another neurological condition that affects our Trigeminal nerves (located on the side of our face) causing seizures, spasms. 'Trigeminal Neuralgia' is the most painful affliction known to doctors. Symptoms of TN can be controlled by anti-seizure medications.

*Each research projects takes approximately three to five years to complete and costs typically hundreds of thousands of dollars--sometimes even in the millions. Upon beginning my fundraising this year, I researched and found that there are 26 research projects going on at this moment in the southern California area alone.

*MS and Parkinsons are neurological. Cure one and we may very well cure the other.

*As of now, there is NO cure for MS.

*There is NO cause for MS.

**On a side note: There have been many theories about what causes MS but none of have been tethered down, such as hot climates and heredity. However, in 2008 they were able to nail down genetics.

Now, that doesn't mean that everyone who has MS will pass it along. There is a difference between genetics and heredity, although there are many cases of siblings having MS. It simply means that some people carry a gene that makes them pre-disposed.

This was big news in MS research.

This is why funding is so crucial. This is why I do what I do.

And this is why I will keep doing this until we can wipe away MS.

Thank you all for hearing me out. Again, if you'd like to help, please visit my post from November titled 'I WALK FOR SCOTT'.

'Each step you take brings us one step closer to a world free of MS'

Keep s-myelin!

Peace, love, happiness and health,
~Jo

EDIT: Was only able to make it to three blog friends sites today--will have to try and catch up again tomorrow. I'd like to extend another big thank you to Andrea from 'Arise 2 Write' for awarding me today the 'Make Lemonade' blog award (posted towards the bottom of my side bar). As always, I so appreciate when others like what they read here!
As for now, I have laundry, dishes (you know it's bad when you're using a pizza slicer to cut lemons--ha!), a trip to the market, a phone call to my Mom, dinner and then a hot bath awaiting me.

2009-12-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

A 'PRRRRRRFECT' SUNDAY

Allen ('Allen's Adventures') bestowed upon me 'The Prrrrrrfect Blog Award'.

Much thanks, Allen!

This is an award he made and created himself out of appreciation for the blog awards he's received--so, he wanted to give back and create something of his own.

Well done, Allen, and much appreciated.

I thought, since I passed out blog awards yesterday, that I would let whomever chooses to pick up the award (again, located towards the bottom of my sidebar) do so and pass it long to whomever you feel worthy.

It's a nice way to make someones day--it sure made mine!

*Please see yesterdays post for those to whom I gave an award if you haven't yet picked it up. :)

In other news, we have a busy day ahead of us: we're going to my mother-in-laws for a pre-Christmas celebration. She does Christmas BIG and because she'll be traveling over the holidays (she's going on a Caribbean cruise), she's hosting this 'Fish and Goose Soiree' for us. Just going to be Ed and I, B, 'J' and his wife and two of our 'other kids, 'N' and the infamous 'V'. :D

We are only very recently reunited with my mother-in-law (for a few months now) after about a 15 year separation due to familial conflicts (longgg, drawn out story).

She, regrettably, missed all of B's and our daughter's childhood: graduations, birthdays, holidays, high school games, little league, recitals--everything.

She seems to have gotten help with a therapist, and we saw no reason to hold onto old grudges.

I admit, it's a little awkward still but there is a noticeable difference in her now, as there is in me (five or ten years ago I would have told her to go fly a kite and get lost while doing it!) and so it's time to apply that old adage of 'forgive and forget'--Christmas is a good time for that.

However, it's not all back to the way it was: Ed is an only child but his biological Mom (as we call the lady we're seeing today--because Ed has a lovely, wonderful step-Mom--who he calls 'Mom'--whom we adore and feel much loyalty to for taking such good care of Ed's Dad--who is still not well and likely never will be) has siblings who gave Ed's lots of cousins. He grew up with them like siblings and when we all had our falling out fifteen years ago--they dropped us like hot potatoes. Every one of them.

This was a hard pill for Ed to swallow and so a reconciliation with us and them is still highly unlikely. They haven't pursued it and we won't either.

She had her celebration with them last night. Still separate--as I imagine it always will be. Sad but we prefer it that way, truthfully.

I'm bringing her a Christmas gift: I went to 'Pier 1 Imports' and got her a lovely Bohemian type sequined hummingbird ornament (it's the colorful one on the right):

...and picture holders (about $14.00 for both gifts--not bad. Not great but not too bad)

Sort of like this--just a different design, a little more plain but still nice:

I am also bringing her a small bag full of pictures of the kids over the years since she missed so much.

After our thing today with her, we are later going to dinner to celebrate J's 24th birthday at our favorite Mexican restaurant. We have a coupon for Ed and B to use and I will likely just have a salad and chips & salsa.

Gonna try and make it back early so Ed can get rested up and get to bed early--it's back to work for him tomorrow.

He's no longer feeling nauseous and although he is still quite tired, he is feeling better. I talked to the doctor on Friday and he said that Ed is indeed going to feel tired for a while--it takes a lot to bounce back from this thing--and he actually had the mild strain.

I think I've decided not to spend money on a Christmas tree this year, sadly. We have a lot of catching up to do financially (and a fake tree is out of the question--I'd rather have none). As much as I love Christmas and Christmas trees, it just seems like $40.00 is something I can spend on gifts rather than a tree. Makes me quite sad but practicality has to be forefront.

So, I'm wishing you all a beautiful day--hoping to come back tomorrow when things get back to normal here so I can go and read up on y'all.

Until then, enjoy your Sunday and the season.

Peace, love and happiness,
~Jo

2009-12-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

I received--via E-mail notification--'The Circle Of Friends' blog award from Andrea at 'Arise 2 Write' ( http://arise2write.blogspot.com/ ).

*EDIT: You can pick up the award by copying and pasting it (then adding it to you 'Gadgets')--my blog awards are located towards the bottom of my sidebar.

Andrea is a very supportive blogger and a spiritual person whose faith comes through in her writing--her blog is a lovely place to stop by when I need calm.

Thank you, Andrea, so much for this honor.

In receiving this award, I am to mention five things I enjoy/like to do and then pass this award along.

MY FIVE FAVORITE THINGS:

* Collecting Pez Dispensers (I have approximately 110-120)

* Making the most out of the Christmas season from decorating, enjoying seasonal favorites like 'Silk' brand Soy 'Eggnog', enjoying a lit fireplace and watching holiday films such as 'It's A Wonderful Life'

* Watching 'I Love Lucy'--I am a Lucy fanatic, nut, loon. You get the point. No matter how many times I have seen the episodes (my favorite is probably the Bill Holden one!), I am in hysterics. Each time. Yep. Oh, and I also feel Desi Arnaz was very underrated in his contribution to television

* Enlightening others on Veganism and MS (Multiple Sclerosis)

* Spending time with B and Ed--making sure to never take a day for granted

Now, I have the difficult task of choosing to whom to pass this on to:

~Lori ('The Peterson Family' http://www.petersonstlouis.com/ ): One good deed deserves another and you were so kind as to give me my very first blog award. You are a loving family gal whose blog I enjoy frequenting (although, lately, I haven't had time or energy to frequent much of anything!)

~Kyle ('Out Left' http://kylerklnh.blogspot.com/ ): Smart, political, compassionate. We share so much of the same views and values (especially on animals!) and have a need to enlighten others on open-mindedness and compassion (I also love his film reviews!).

~Ekan ('The Truth About Me-Self' http://truthabtmeself.blogspot.com/ ): Such a loving, gentle and kind soul: vagabond at heart--humankind lover in nature and spirit

~Allen ('Allen's Adeventures' http://allenmcalister.com/ ): Funny, quirky, smart, kind, honest--I wish we lived next door to each other 'cause he would be my chosen morning coffee companion!

~Steven Anthony ('My Life, My Thoughts' http://steven-litchford.blogspot.com/ ): Steven is another one I would pick as my morning coffee companion--I hate that I'm so far away from everyone with whom I want to do nothing but sit and chat with for hours! I smile when I see I have a comment from him. He is simply honest to goodness true, full of heart and sincere through and through

~Herrad ('Access Denied-Living With Multiple Sclerosis' http://accessdenied-livingwithms.blogspot.com/ ):
Herrad shares my passion for a cause and cure for MS--but for a very different reason than I: she actually has MS and lives with it's affects daily. She inpires me because of her honesty and 'upfront-ness' about life with MS, yet she still finds joy and a reason to smile in life!

I wish I could give this award to everyone. I don't have a particularly large following--I'm not one of those bloggers who gets 20 plus comments on my posts--and I am so very okay with that because the followers I do have mean the world to me and I can never express enough the joy they all bring with them!

Peace, love and happiness,
~Jo

2009-12-03T14:11:00.000-08:00

SANTA'S EARLY GIFT TO ED

Of all the blasted things on Ed's 'Dear Santa' list, we sure don't recall the 'Swine Flu' being one of 'em!

Nonetheless, it arrived just the same and didn't even have the courtesy of being wrapped nicely with a bow on top.

It was more like a bag of dog poo set on fire and left on our front stoop.

Or a stocking full of coal.

Whichever.

Like children looking for Santa and his sleigh in the sky, we had been on the look out for those 'Swine Flu' symptoms we kept hearing about prior to Ed's passing out in our bathroom Tuesday night: "dry, persistent cough, fever, etc." but Ed has had none of those.

So, when he started feeling 'weird' a few weeks back, I, of course, immediately thought; 'Swine Flu' but then dismissed it because he wasn't coughing nor was he feverish.

He was just feeling particularly run down and pure, plain exhausted which we just attributed to the stressful year we've had--and him burning the candle at both ends.

However, his extreme 'tiredness'--coupled with tummy issues and being cold all the time--wasn't going away.

Then, came Tuesday nights big scare (see my previous post).

So, yesterday I took him (more like hog-tied and FORCED) to the doctor. Ed described to the doctor how he's been feeling and we told him of the passing out incident.

He told us that Ed has the tail end of the 'Swine Flu' and that it's not just about coughing and fevers. The tiredness, nausea--it all plays a role in this flu season.

But why did he pass out?

It turns out, with the 'Swine Flu', you have to watch your sugar intake. Ed had a hypo-glycemic (sp.?) reaction and, coupled with the 'Swine Flu', it made it's way through his urinary tract which explains why he passed out while using the bathroom.

Earlier that night, right before bedtime, Ed ate two bowls of cornflakes smothered in sugar.

Combine that with all the Danishes and donuts (not to mention Ed likes a little coffee with his cream and sugar) put out at his work every day and he was on sugar overload that didn't sit well with the virus he already had, unbeknownst to us.

Ed is not diabetic, it's just that the sugar intake combined with this flu combusted!

Nothing was prescribed except bed rest and taking it easy for the next few days since he's at the tail end of it.

So, these are just a few things to keep in mind and look out for.

By the way, the boys have been very helpful, understanding and supportive after my talk with them yesterday about setting new boundaries--they even cleaned our backyard for us!

I'll be back in a few days, possibly not before Monday, though, when Ed goes back to work.

I have my hands full here but he's napping now so I wanted to share a quick update.

I'm anxious to step outside of my world for a bit in a few days to see what's been going on everyone else's.

Until then, stay well this season, all--and thank you so very much for your well wishes and supportive comments in regards to Ed.

I deeply appreciate them!

Peace, love and happiness,
~Jo

::There is an edit to this post in my comment section brought on by a very good inquiry by a reader::

2009-12-02T07:02:00.000-08:00

NINE-ONE-ONE--FOR THE LOVE OF ED

Hi, all. Once again I want to apologize for being a bad blog friend and not coming by to see any of you lately to see what's new and happening in your lives.

Been a busy, busy few days around here.

Yesterday morning, Ed and I spent a tedious two plus hours at our attorney's going over the bankruptcy proceedings, microscoping every minute detail, signing paperwork, and--finally--filing for bankruptcy.

Our bankruptcy hearing date is set for January 11th.

As I have mentioned, on more than one occasion--in my little 'Confessions Of A Bankrupt Life' blog--this has indeed been a soul seizing, emotionally draining and exhausting process. So much so that even our attorney feels for us and what we've been through.

Upon completion of our paperwork and said bankruptcy filing, our attorney then sent two important faxes yesterday that will now change our lives: one to the levying officer and the other fax to Ed's personnel office to immediately cease and desist the $1000.00 a month garnishment on Ed's wages.

The hearing coming up in January is with a court appointed mediator to determine the facts and whether our debts can indeed be erased.

The balance and future of our whole lives now rests in the hands of someone we've never met and who doesn't know us from a can of paint.

We are nothing but numbers on paper, and likely, this person will already have their mind made up before seeing us or speaking to us.

This could go either way.

As a result of yesterdays emotional morning, we were simply drained. Ed then later did some running around with 'J' (our 'oldest son') on an errand that took twice as long as he thought it would (about four hours) and we had an unexpected guest last night coupled with our usual crowd of extended family not leaving until nearly 9:00 p.m.

It's too much.

Ed typically gets up at 3:30 or 4:00 to get ready for work--he has to be in his office at 6:00 a.m.--which is an hour from us with NO TRAFFIC.

He was late for work this morning.

Then something happened last night that snapped my priorities back where they need to be and, as a result, today feelings will get hurt.

I heard a crash in our bathroom. It sounded as if Ed was getting noisily in the shower. I thought; 'Wow--it's 4:00 a.m. already???'

Then I looked at the clock: it was only 11:00 p.m.

I hopped out of bed to find Ed lying on the bathroom floor against the open shower.

His skin was clammy, cold and sheet white--his eyes were open but unresponsive.

I called to him and...nothing.

I then called 9-1-1.

I explained to the lady what was happening (TRYING to anyway through my crying, shaking voice) and she was asking all the right questions:

"How old is your husband?"

47.

"Has this happened before?"

No ma'am.

"How did he fall?"

Um, I'm not sure--it looks like he got up to use the restroom and passed out.

Just then Ed started coming to.

I told him that I'm on the phone with 9-1-1 and that we're going to send an ambulance.

The lady could hear me talking to him and was asking about his condition.

Ed kept saying he's alright now, that he just got lightheaded.

I told him that he needs to go get checked out by a doctor.

He just kept repeating himself that he's fine--and that he's so sorry he scared me.

"Baby, I just need to make sure you're alright--you weren't responding. Please let us send an ambulance."

He said that he just got too hot in bed, took off his sweatshirt, got up to use the restroom and that he must've gotten up too fast 'cause the next thing he knew he felt light headed and wobbly. He doesn't remember how he got to the floor.

I told him, frankly and simply, that he appeared to have fallen and passed out.

In the meantime, I helped him back to bed and told the lady on the phone what he was saying and what's going on and that he appears to be awake and coherent.

I nonetheless wanted him to go in an ambulance and be checked out but he refused.

She said then to just keep an eye on him and not to hesitate to call them back if I felt he was getting worse and not better.

I thanked her and apologized, explaining that panic had set in seeing my husband lying on the bathroom floor unresponsive.

She was very kind saying she understood.

I wish I knew her name so I could call her today and thank her for staying with me on the phone.

Ed was now more coherent and just wanted to go back to bed.

I stayed awake for an hour and a half to two hours just watching him breathe in and out...

And right there I made the decision that we need to reclaim our lives back.

This is in no way the boys' fault but changes need to be made and lines drawn.

He can't keep going at the pace he is.

B (our son) wasn't home--he frequently stays at his sorta, kinda girlfriends house--but I wish he was home last night.

I'm making it clear that he needs to be home more at night--at least for a while.

I am also going to be making an appointment for Ed to get a physical and today I am having a 'family meeting' with all the boys.

It's hard to explain to young men what a marriage of over twenty years means. It's hard to explain what Ed and I mean to each other.

We are simply seen as 'Mom and Dad'--not as a husband and wife who have gone through more downs than ups but have still managed to hold onto each other--and everything we have--with white knuckles to remain in tact.

I have spent half of my born life with this man--and I'm not ready to lose that.

So, today boundaries will be set. Feelings will get hurt but I have to tell them: "I love you all very much--but I simply love Ed more."

2009-11-30T14:25:00.000-08:00

IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK....

If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Tomorrow we file for bankruptcy. I just finished E-mailing our attorney last minute information he requested so he could draw up the final draft on our paperwork.

So far all seems well there.

But, I digress. Let me back up just a bit and explain what is leading up to my anxiety.

As I may have mentioned in previous posts (or not--can't recall at this moment), we have an open door policy to all of B's (our son) friends.

They are an extension of our family, and are treated as such.

We have several who visit daily who are loved and welcome.

Most of the time.

Our 'oldest son', J (whom I have mentioned before--there is a picture of him and his wife on my side bar) just got back a few months ago from 'Wyotech' in Wyoming where he graduated with honors. J and his wife, 'C', live with C's parents nearby.

With J came 'N'. N is a friend J met in Wyoming and brought home with him. N fits in well with us and our little group and he was immediately embraced by us all.

Then there's 'V'. A good friend of B's from high school and who frequently stays over on the weekends.

Typically, I don't mind this as we love them all.

We have a tradition: every Sunday I cook breakfast for all of them after J and C get back from church. I truly enjoy this. This past Sunday (yesterday) was pumpkin pancakes--I will post the recipe later in this post.

So, Wednesday night, before Thanksgiving, I made dinner for myself, Ed, B, V and N.

I wasn't planning on feeding V and N, but, they were here and I just happened to have just enough.

On Friday, I fixed leftover Turkey sandwiches for Ed, B and V.

Again, had to stretch the leftover Turkey to make more for V.

Saturday night they were all here for dinner--this time at my invitation. It seemed one of those 'let's stay together' nights. We watched a Christmas movie ('Love Actually') and we had a nice fire going. I also decorated for the holidays that day. Snowmen as far as the eye can see in my home.

Then Sunday I did my weekly breakfast for everyone.

After a while, as usual, J and C left and took N with them. They had things to do of their own and came back later on that day when they were finished, which was fine. No problem there.

The problem was that after breakfast when most everyone else left, one remained. And remained. And remained.

This was Sunday afternoon now about 2:00. I fixed Ed and B sandwiches for lunch and then realized; "Oops! V is still here!" So, I then proceeded to fix sandwiches for him, too.

He didn't ask for them, mind you--but I knew it had been a while since breakfast and that Ed and B were hungry so it seemed the right thing to do (which is how he ended up here for dinner Wednesday and Friday, too).

At that point--I was huffy. Persnickety even if you will.

That's right--I said it. PERSNICKETY.

I didn't say anything, but I really got myself worked up in a tizzy.

I was ready for a little time with just Ed and B.

At that point I figured I fulfilled my food obligation of the week/weekend (and again, I enjoy doing the breakfast thing on Sunday and Saturday evening was my idea, as well) but then I was ready for EVERYONE to go home for a while and let me have what little time I get to spend with B now-a-days.

It's getting harder and harder to nail him down--he's always busy with school, friends and his ex-girlfriend, whom he still spends much time with--and I would have liked V to go home when everyone else did so I could breathe and just be with Ed and B.

That didn't happen.

Then after several hours--lunch is now done--V is still there and then the rest come back for a while.

No problem since V was still there at that point. J and C then left again to go eat dinner and this time, N stayed behind, and, yep--you guessed it, V was still here at dinnertime, too.

Well, guess what?

I made B and Ed their 'Hamburger Helper'. I ONLY had just enough for the two of them and had already thawed just enough meat for that.

Again, I fulfilled my food obligation and while a part of me felt guilty, we had no choice but to just go ahead and eat with V and N there (I fixed myself a quick stir-fry while Ed and B the ate their 'Hamburger Helper').

N, by the way, was sprawled out on my sofa asleep so that no one else could sit down in my very small living quarters.

I was INCENSED.

INCENSED I tell you.

No doubt they were hungry but they didn't ask for anything and for once, I didn't offer.

Even if all I have are hot dogs and bread, I would normally offer to make those who are here something--but, I didn't this time.

Everyone knows if I have it, I'm happy to share, and typically, I DO.

But, I was too pissed for words.

Evidently my slamming cupboards and not talking to anyone didn't make it's not so subtle way into their consciousness.

Hmpf. Go figure.

Again, this isn't directed and J and C, who know when to come and go.

Although, while I'm at it--J could wait a little long before coming by in the mornings--ha! I'd like to unwind with at least ONE cup of coffee first. ;)

But he knows he's always welcome and he knows when it's time to leave. I never have to tell him.

So, only when B leaves for the night to go stay at his 'girlfriends/not girlfriends' house--ONLY THEN do V and N leave. By now, of course, Ed is sound asleep on the sofa.

Nice spending this day with you guys.

Truthfully, I kinda felt like our Sunday was taken from us.

So, then today, V texts me and asks if he could use my computer and that it won't take long--indicating when he's done, he'll leave. Naturally, I say no problem. I know he needs to check on his financial aid for junior college, and we know what it's like to be computer less.

An hour goes by--he's still not here, so, I text him. He comes right over. Takes him ten minutes to check on his status, then he sits down and stays--for three hours.

B is still at school.

I should mention that J is here at this point 'cause we're going to watch a Christmas movie--but I'm so agitated by now that I wander around the house aimlessly while he and V finish up the movie, with my only catching bits and pieces.

My apologies to adorable ten year old Macauley Culkin for abandoning you in your time of need while you're running away from crooks in New York. Glad you made it back to your family safe and sound.

So, Ed calls me from work to give me the information I needed to send to our attorney via E-mail for pre-filing.

While he calls, I walk to our mailbox and find that he's received a ticket for allegedly running a red light. A claim both he and B vehemently deny, since B was with him that day in the car going to the L.A. Kings game.

Did I need this the day before we file bankruptcy????

I thought; 'Wow. It's all going to be alright. Tomorrow we file and we'll be free and clear to live life again...' and WHAMMY! Not so fast, Jo.

So, I had a meltdown that had been about 24 hours in the making.

I'm talking to Ed on the phone when V comes running over and rifling through the paperwork in my hand as I'm trying to gather my bearings and explain to Ed about the ticket he just received in the mail (via traffic light camera that he was unaware of) and wondering how much THIS is going to cost us.

I'm still paying $30.00 a month for a speeding ticket he got earlier this year and really cannot afford any further financial setbacks.

Anyhoo--V, meaning well, was just on my last nerve and I was already in meltdown mode.

I didn't need an audience as Ed and I yelled at each other.

This was a private matter that should have remained private at that moment.

Never mind that I'm now sharing this with you all (ha-ha)--it's just a little bit different when ones emotions are raw with new information and a lot of stuff is going through my brain at that moment with everything else going on, too.

An audience I did not need.

I needed to wind down and decompress.

I don't know what to say or do that wouldn't hurt anyones feelings--I don't want them to stop coming over, just to know when it's time to leave.

I likely don't have that many Sundays left with a busy, always on the go 19 year old son.

So, this news of a ticket today floored me and got me thinking; "That's what I get for getting my hopes too high that 2010 would start off wonderfully for us after nearly two years of this bulls&!*."

I repeat; "If it walks like a duck...'

I'll update my blog tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday as to the bankruptcy filing.

Now, onto the recipe I mentioned earlier. Yes, these are vegan and nobody can tell the difference--no one is missing the eggs or milk because they are truly delicious and fluffy.

PUMPKIN PANCAKES (makes about six pancakes--double the recipe for more):

~1 Cup Flour

~1 Tablespoon Sugar

~2 Tablespoons Baking Powder

~1/8 Teaspoon Salt

~1 Cup Soy Milk

~2 Tablespoons Vegetable Oil

~1/2 Of A 15 Ounce Can Of Pumpkin

~Cinnamon And Nutmeg To Taste (Or 'All Spice', Or 'Pumpkin Pie Spice')

*Mix all ingredients together until it looks and feels like cake batter. If it's too thick, add a little more soy milk.

Make them as flat as you can on the griddle so the middle cooks through--do not flip until you can do so without uncooked batter drooping on the spatula.

Serve with maple bacon or sausage.

Enjoy.

2009-11-29T06:29:00.000-08:00

DO YOU FAKE IT?

We seem to fake a lot in our lives sometimes...

Fake Interest. Fake Smiles:

Fake boobs (yes, I'm speaking to you, Pam Anderson--put her next to a radiator and she melts!):

*Disclaimer: no offense meant to those of you who may have had such a--eh hem--'procedure'. You know who you are.

People do different things for different reasons--whatever ones reasons, they are personal and their own. No judgements.

We also have fake meats and dairy (of this I am PROUDLY guilty in partaking):

As well as fake leather and fur (again, I'm proudly guilty):

Fake haircolor and nails:

But one thing I will never do, if I can help it, is fake a Christmas tree.

I understand why people do it. It's money already sitting in their garage rather than going out and spending additional money every year on something one throws away anyway.

But...I like the real ones anyway. I just do.

I like the smell, the tradition of picking one out every year, trimming the branches to make it fit where it needs to. I like watching it all come together.

I used to work at 'Yankee Candle' several years ago. People would come in during the holidays and ask me if we had a candle that smells like a real Christmas tree because they, too, fake it.

And we did--we had several 'outdoorsy' scents.

So, here's an idea for those of you who fake it:

But, I gotta tell ya: As much as I LOVED working at 'Yankee Candle' and adore their candles (I still occasionally buy their tarts for my tart burners--although, not for a while), we were wayyy too over the top expensive. So, if you're going to spend $25.00 on a candle anyway, just take that money and invest it in a real tree this year.

Whatever you do, enjoy the season--your way or my way, it doesn't matter. Just be safe, be happy, take it all in and Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Peace, love and happiness now and always,
~Jo

2009-11-24T19:00:00.001-08:00

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

Do I dare? Do I dare spook it?

I don't know, I think I'm gonna have to...

For the first time in the year and a half since we lost our home and began this nightmare--I feel...wait for it, now, here it comes--HOPEFUL.

After a very kind phone call from our attorney, I feel uplifted. We are meeting with him on Monday, Dec. 1st at 9:00 a.m. (EDIT: I meant Tuesday, Dec 1st--not Monday) He is ready to knock this out! He needs the fax number for the payroll dept. at Ed's work so as we can immediately get the $1000.00 a month garnishment stopped.

Ed gets paid on Thursday, Dec. 3rd--we're hoping it won't be too late to stop it on that paycheck, but...if not, the next pay check (on the 17th) will be $500.00 less anemic. That means we can actually buy a Christmas a tree and a few gifts....

Not only that, but he offered to reimburse us the $45.00 we paid for our mandatory on-line credit counseling as a show of good faith. $45.00 is GOLD to me--I'm elated.

I've had this perpetual gnawing in my stomach for well over a year now--a dull ache. And then, just yesterday, a knot formed in the base of my lower back. You can actually feel it there--like a softball just settling against a fence, with no breeze or movement to get it to shove along...

Ed and 'J' (our 'oldest son') both tried to work it out but, it remained unmoved.

I've lost weight, gained weight, over slept and not slept enough.

We haven't eaten out, we haven't gone to movies (unless it was courtesy of a gift card through a vendor--which has been months now) and we certainly haven't traveled.

We haven't been living and have confined ourselves to our own little corner of the universe. Well, truth be told--more myself than Ed: ignoring phone calls, not making any and having people come to me instead of me venturing out into what I have come to perceive as the 'big, bad world' and all who inhabit it.

My dirty little secret? I'm borderlining 'agoraphobia', mostly keeping company with my prized Pez dispenser collection.

Pretty 'effing' pathetic.

I've cried more times than I can count and had given up hope of ever having a life resembling normal again.

Could it be that hope is resurfacing?

I feel like crying again--only this time, they're happy tears--and I'm holding out hope for hope.

I may even have to change the title of my blog--whoda thunk it?

Should that be the case--if, in fact, I'm not hoping too much here--any suggestions?

2009-11-23T14:12:00.000-08:00

WHAT I'M THANKFUL FOR...AND WHAT I'M NOT

Upon reading a few blogs today, I see a lot of 'Thanksgiving' posts going up. This is the time of year where people seem to realize just how much their lives--and the people in it--truly mean to them.

I'm no exception to that.

I have been on 'Blogspot' since June. Not a very long time.

I am, admittedly, a work in progress. I don't know the in's and out's per se of 'blog etiquette'. As I've stated before, I only post what I know, what I think and what I feel to be my truth in my moments here.

Too many times, I have been accused of 'whining'--so much so that I have lost some followers and, as I discovered today, one even wrote a post about me on her blog.

In trying (but not succeeding) to be 'subtle', she excluded my name and the name of my blog. However, she repeated word for word what she blasted me for on here.

Subtle as a train wreck.

I stopped by in the hopes of 'damage control': to wish this person--who once was so kind as to send me a handmade item as a sweet gesture and reaching out--a 'Happy Thanksgiving", 'no hard feelings' and such.

Upon reading that, all my 'peace and good will for mankind' seemed to fly right out the proverbial window and my heart feels positively deflated coupled with very hurt feelings.

She said that I really don't have it that bad and that I should 'stop whining'.

Then she got personal--and putting me on full blast--mentioning my cable and Internet service that we pay for, insinuating, of course; 'How bad can it be if you have money to pay for those things?'

First of all, we have one of those deals with our cable provider where we get phone, cable and Internet for X amount of dollars per month, as a package deal instead of paying for them separately.

We also downgraded our cable to meet our new financial requirements. Now, I am not going to sit here and tell you, her or anyone that I don't enjoy my Internet. I do--more on that in a moment....

But with a son just starting college, Internet is handy--darned near mandatory--for his many projects and homework.

I do financial handstands every month to make sure everything gets paid. We're not starving, but nor do we eat like we did before. Long gone are the days of 'Swiss Steak' and Chicken breasts--but we have food on our table, although not fancy by any means, we're making it.

I've had to forgo my vegan items such as: 'Veganaise' and 'Smart Balance' margarine, not to mention faux breaded chicken breasts, soy ice cream, etc.

Other personal items I'm missing are: My 'Clean And Clear' facial cleanser and moisturizer, pumice stones, and Miss Clairol hair color--just to name a few.

We prioritize so we can have things like Internet, etc.

As I've said before, if it gets to the point where we cannot, then we will downsize once again.

Everyone does what they have to do--we're not above doing so nor do I feel I have a sense of entitlement--to these things nor to anyone's empathy.

I began this blog when I looked around and realized it was getting harder and harder to take that first step every morning. Getting out of bed was becoming a chore and with Ed working so far from home and B in school, I realized I spent an awful lot of time by myself.

Sometimes 15 hours plus...

I keep company with my Mom by phone several times a week (and the occasional lunch/dinner date with her--but she likes her privacy and alone time)--but mostly I felt very isolated.

I also started this blog when B was back east for the summer with his girlfriend.

I was missing him terribly and the camaraderie of his friends who would frequently stop by.

I joined 'Facebook' to reconnect with friends and family--but, truth be told, the camaraderie and closeness of some of my family members--accompanied with pictures of their good times--made me feel even more isolated.

My loneliness at times felt palpable and I could feel a depression coming on.

I had no outlet--enter 'Blogspot'.

Losing my job and home all in one year (2008) was much to bear. Not just for myself, but for Ed, as well.

No doubt anyone who has gone through the same thing, can empathize (again--not to be confused with sympathize).

Now, to put it in perspective--I read a lot of blogs where women have husbands deployed overseas, and a new blog I'm following has this woman's husband gone (for work) for about ten days at a time with only a day or two in between to visit.

These women truly deserve my empathy and respect and I in no way compare myself to them--many of whom have young children.

So, I started this blog to share my stories of bankruptcy and loss and how we cope--to try and find some hope and light at the end of the tunnel and to read others' experiences.

Do I whine?

Probably.

This is my outlet--the co-title of which is; 'Confessions Of A Bankrupt Life'.

People can choose to read it, agree, disagree or move along. I can't control any of that and no one person can please everybody.

However, let me be clear that I did not start a blog so I could say; "Hey, I think I'll whine on here. Sounds like a groovy plan to me."

Again, it is hard to convey emotion through here.

But for people to be so downright personal and ugly is something I cannot fathom.

I'm paraphrasing here but this person stated something along the lines of (in addition to my 'whining') that I 'can dish the shit but I cannot take it'.

The ONLY time I can recall me dishing out 'shit' in my blogs is when I posted about no longer following someone.

I did NOT mention their blog name, nor their name--nor did I write them and make a big stink.

It's their blog, they can certainly write what they please. I'm very pro-honesty. I may not like it or agree--as others may not like or agree what I write--but it's their blog to do with as they wish.

I saw no reasoning in writing them for the sole purpose of humiliation--therefore, I did not humiliate them on their own blog as this person--and her friend--did to me.

That serves no one.

I simply let it be, stopped following them and asked others, on my blog, if they had similar experiences.

I am flesh and blood and bones. I have a heart and I have feelings and today, those feelings got hurt.

My life is made up of a myriad of mistakes and bad choices. I have to live with that--and I pay for it every day. I don't always react well or say and do the right things. Again, I'm a work in progress.

But I know my heart.

All I want to do is give--and receive--enlightenment.

For those of you who are still with me, I thank you and wish you a happy holiday.

As for my 'Thanksgiving': it's my least favorite holiday--for many reasons (see my 'Thought Or Quote Of The Day' towards the bottom of my sidebar for more) but it provides us a chance to be with what little family we have--usually only seven or eight of us--but that's seven or eight more than many people have (like my friend, Jo--see post two below this one) or my friend, Scott (see post below). I'm thankful for the family I do have.

I'm also very thankful for the donation we received today for the 'MS Walk 10' (for my friend, Scott)--it's the first donation this Walk season! :)

So, in spite of what some may think, I'm thankful for what I do have and don't take any of it for granted.

2009-11-21T18:27:00.000-08:00

I WALK FOR SCOTT

Hi, all. Happy holidays to you and yours.

I am embarking on my third MS Walk in Scott's name and honor.

Scott is 53 and has MS (Multiple Sclerosis). He was diagnosed in 1989 at the age of 33.

Scott was a newly engaged man at the time of his diagnosis and 'forwarned' his then fiance` that he didn't know what was to come nor how his MS would progress, therefore, giving her an 'out'.

She vowed to stick with him through thick and thin but after 13 years of marriage, when his MS did indeed progress to the point where he was wheelchair bound, she left.

They had no children.

Scott's father was a physician and his mother a nurse--but neither could heal their son for there is no cure for MS, nor even a definitive cause.

Scott was a 'Hospital Administrator', working hard for years in school and his profession only having to retire early on disability.

After his divorce, Scott moved back in with his parents in 2004. Shortly thereafter his Mom passed away from cancer and his Dad followed two years ago.

Scott has two older siblings who are very loving but neither having the facility or space for Scott's needs as he is in a powerchair.

He moved into Assisted Living--where I worked at the time--in October of 2007. From there we became fast friends and he got me involved in the MS cause.

This will be my third annual MS Walk.

For a little more about Scott and his great attitude, please go to the website towards the bottom of this post....

It's no small thing to give a donation--regardless of the amount. I am not impervious to today's economical crisis and the bearing it has on everyday, hard-working families.

So, it is with great humility that I ask you to find Scott and the MS cause worthy and to please donate only what you're able.

I would never want--nor expect--anyone to go beyond their means. You'd be surprised at how much a $5.00 or $10.00 donation can make a big difference and add up quick.

The previous two Walk seasons, I was grateful to be able to raise nearly $10,000. Everyone truly came out in generous support and the total well exceeded mine and Scott's expectations.

Again, it all adds up.

Here is the information on how to donate to the MS Walk '10 if you're so inclined.

Please give--for Scott and others to have hope for a future without MS.

I walk for Scott.

To make an on-line donation:

1) Go to www.walkmssocal.org

2) Click 'Donate/Pledge' on the left hand side in the green column

3) Then click 'Donate' on the next page

4) From there click 'Search For Participant' and type in my name: Jo Anna O'Hara

5) You should then be led to my participant page where you follow the directions to donate--this is a secure site.

*If you have trouble navigating the site (it happens!) and/or prefer to donate by check, please E-mail me at: ejcbtheshamrock4@aol.com (please identify yourself in the subject box so I don't delete it mistaking it for spam) and I'll give you my address.

Make check payable to the National MS Society and in the memo portion of the check write: 'For Jo Anna O'Hara's Walk Page'.

From there I send it to the MS Society--or feel free to mail it in yourself to:

NMSS - Southern California Chapter
869 E. Foothill Blvd. Ste. I
Upland, CA 91786

*Again, just make sure to include my name in the memo portion.

100% of the proceeds go to the NMSS.

It's perfectly understandable if you're not able to donate--all good wishes are equally welcome and deeply appreciated.

Much thanks!
Peace, love and happiness,
~Jo

For Scott.

2009-11-19T16:27:00.000-08:00

A More Courageous Jo Than I

Jo was the very first friend I made on here months ago on blogspot.

She reached out to me at a time when I felt very much alone--with little or no connection of 'sisterhood' to call my own--and told me; "I'll be your sister." I have never forgotten that....

Today I dropped by her blog: 'Jo's Corner'.

http://jomoseleysblog.blogspot.com/

Jo is battling cancer and, as a result, has lost part of her leg.

She is struggling with raising money to buy a new wheelchair and has little or no family to speak of. What family she does have has forsaken her, leaving her virtually alone to deal with her illness.

Thankfully, she has a neighbor to help feed her cats during her multiple and long hospital stays as well as a "sister in Christ" who has reached out and shown her the kind of love, friendship and kindness that her family hasn't.

Jo has set up a paypal button on the left sidebar of her blog to purchase a wheelchair suitable for her to maneuver.

Please read Jo's story and join her on this journey--she will break your heart and lift your spirits simultaneously.

I know, as I always have, that there are people out there battling so much worse than I--but to put a face on it and read her own heartwrenching words puts it all in perspective....

Jo has over 70 followers but, thus far, no donations. That will change as of today--although, I am able to do very little. However, as with 'Ezra's Mommy' (see her blog button on my side bar), I felt very compelled to bring this to others' attention in the hopes that people can give a few dollars and a 'domino effect' can take place to help a fellow blogger in much need.

Visit Jo's corner and please do what you can, if you can. Donations and/or prayers welcome.

Blessings and thanks.

2009-11-19T14:08:00.000-08:00

BLOG LOVE

I picked up today--quite belatedly--two lovely 'Blog Awards'!

One from 'Ekan' from November:

And the other from Kelly of 'Kelly's Idea's' from way back in September:

They are now posted--proudly--on my side bar under 'Blog Awards'. :)

My apologies for my extreme tardiness in retrieving them.

I want to thank you both for thinking of me and how much I have appreciated your support--and everyone's.

Am still trying to get caught up on visiting everyone's blogs after a long absence....

Those of you who are just stopping by--please see my blog from yesterday titled; 'It's Alive!' for an update.

Love and thanks to you all for the continued blog love and support!

Peace, love and happiness,
~Jo

2009-11-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

Taste The Rainbow

Okay, so the heading has nothing to do with my post.

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm trying to get to everyones blogs today but keep getting interrupted on my end with a houseful of young men.

I know, I know, most women should be so lucky, eh?

But alas, it is merely B and his loud friends--ha!

Not to mention phone calls and E-mail's about Thanksgiving that need tending to.

Personally, I'd like to skip Thanksgiving (my least favorite hoiliday for several reasons...) and go straight to Christmas!

Anyhoo, what I can't finish today--I will do so tomorrow.

Just wanted everyone to know I'm thinking about you all!

Much peace, love and happiness,
~Jo

2009-11-18T08:42:00.000-08:00

IT'S ALIVE!

Good morning and a warm hello to all my blog friends whom I have missed dearly.

After six weeks of no computer--we are now back in the grand 'ol swing of things. A guy at Ed's work charged us only $60.00 to fix our PC and said we could pay him in increments.

He basically just cleaned everything out and reinstalled Windows XP, as well as installing a new virus protection program. We had 'McAfee' (which we paid $80.00 a year for!), for all the fat freakin' good it did us.

Nothing is fool proof so all we can do is hope for the best--I'm just tickled to be back on-line.

"WHAT'S HAPPENIN', HOT STUFF?"

We file bankruptcy on December 4th--and are waiting for the other shoe to drop as nothing about this process has seemed to go smoothly thus far.

Yes, I realize that makes me a 'glass is half empty' kinda gal; after having the rug pulled out from underneath us one too many times--we come to expect the worse while always hoping for the best...

I know, I know....let me just beat my critics to the punch right now and say 'Waaa! Waaa! Waaa!', 'Boo-hoo!' and 'Oh, woe is me!'.

See? Who says I don't have a sense of humor????

Sheesh.

This post is brought to you today by the word 'Poop'.

Last week we nearly lost our beautiful and much beloved sweet tempered black lab mix, T.J. He's ten years old and suddenly became very lethargic, not eating nor pooping!

I tried homeopathic methods first trying to get him to stabilize his system (a.k.a. poop!) such as blending a concoction of flax seeds with boiling water, apple cider vinegar and maple syrup (as a sweetener attempting to make it more appealing) to lubricate his bowels. Nada.

Then we put him on a bland diet of rice, chicken and chicken broth--nothing doin'! So, I blended it and fed him with a turkey baster several times a day to get some protein and energy in him. Nothing.

Finally we broke down and took him to the vet where they took an X-ray and found he had an enlarged kidney. From there they wanted to do an ultrasound to find out why his kidney is enlarged, however, that was an additional $200.00 we did not have, so, sadly, we had to pass on that. As it was, this visit cost $218.00 for the X-ray, antibiotics and a bottle of pain pills (he has a bad back due to his his size and age). B put the vet visit on his credit card--and we paid him back with our income tax return (which Ed filed late--thank God).

So, I give T.J. six pills a day, switched him from Pedigree adult dog food to Pedigree rice and chicken flavor and he has not only got back to normal (eating and pooping) but is better than before.

Something indeed to be thankful for!

We weren't ready to lose him and, for a while there, it looked like we might.

Random fact of the day: B and I saw a roadrunner in our front yard! You couldn't have surprised me more if if you rolled me over, stapled my head to the carpet and colored me silly!

In other news, I thought I would share some of how we eat on a tight budget--none of this is particularly original, mind you, but perhaps someone somewhere can get something out of my experience:

I scour the ads every week for each supermarket looking for eggs for .99 cents and ten pound bags of potatoes for the same as well as ground beef, veggies, etc.

I recently got eight pounds of onions for $1.00 (which will last a while) as well as eight pounds of cabbage for the same. I look for hot dogs on sale (usually an eight pack for $1.00) and 'Cup 'O Noodles' which you can typically find four or five for $1.00. Pair the 'Cup 'O Noodles' with grilled cheese for a casual dinner night.

Sometimes I have to go to four or five different places to get all I need but it is so incredibly worth it when one has less than $100.00 for two weeks (including toiletries, household items and pet supplies).

With the hot dogs, I make a poor mans version of 'Wienerschnitzel's' Polish sausage sandwich:

I take one hot dog per sandwich, slice in half length wise and grill in a frying pan with about a tablespoon of vegetable oil. I place them between two slices of bread (I get loaves of wheat bread for .88 cents each at 'Food-4-Less') with mayonnaise, mustard, lettuce and tomatoes. The boys love them!

I also divide a pound of ground beef for each recipe (I only buy ground beef if I can get it for $1.00 a pound or less). When there are only two people who eat meat (I'm a vegan so that excludes me, naturally), ground beef can be stretched a mile.

For example, I use only 1/2 pound ground beef for a package of 'Hamburger Helper' (store brand, of course, but sometimes you can find a brand for $1.00 at 'Fresh 'N Easy' for example) instead of the recommended full pound it calls for--and it proves to be plenty.

I save the other half pound to make meatballs for Ed and B to go with the next nights pasta (again, 1/2 pound is plenty and they're big guys, too) or I use it for the following:

Top Ramen with veggies and ground beef:

~Cook one or two bags of Ramen noodles per person (depending on their appetite)--do not add the seasoning to the noodles (Ramen noodles typically run about .20 cents each)

~I brown 1/2 pound of ground beef and don't drain it. The juice from the meat helps the noodles serve easier, which are normally dry and stick together once drained

~Take all the seasoning packets from the noodles and add to the cooked ground beef

~Add two cans of veggies (usually .50 to .70 cents each) with the juice, don't drain

~Drain the Ramen noodles and stir in with the ground beef/veggie mixture.

This is one of their favorites and only costs about $3.00--or less--to make.

We also discovered that rice and dried beans in the bins in the markets are so much cheaper than buying them in pre-packaged bags.

So, one of our favorite (and vegan friendly) meals has been for me to cook up a big pot of beans, make some rice and then pair it with an easy stir fry of cabbage, onions and jalapenos (peppers courtesy of a friends garden).

One night Ed said: "Too bad we don't have tortillas to go with this". No money to go buy any so I got creative and took some unbleached flour I had in my cabinet, tossed in some water, vegetable oil and salt. I rolled it out (put some flour on the rolling pin and the counter) flattened it and fried it in a pan with about a tablespoon of oil per 'tortilla' to make a quick, easy and quite yummy flat bread to go with our beans, rice and cabbage. No specific measurements--I just played with it until I got a dough-y consistency.

We pile the beans, rice (sometimes I cook the rice in vegetable broth, if I have any on hand, for even more flavor) and veggies in the flat bread/tortillas and top it off with 'Tapatio' or 'Valentina' hot sauce (about .99 cents a bottle and will last a long time)--OH MY GOD!

We could be wealthier that Bill Gates and I would still make this meal twice a week!

So, that's just a few of my 'tricks' and ideas--again, nothing earth shattering I know, but it sure has helped us out.

Well, my 'oldest son', 'J', is now here and has waited patiently for me to finish this so we can watch a movie--so, for now, I'm off like a dirty shirt!

I'll be back later today or tomorrow to visit my blog friends pages and spread the blog love--can't wait to catch up with y'all!

Much peace, love and happiness,
~Jo

2009-11-05T08:12:00.000-08:00

ADDRESSING MY CRITICS AND REFUSAL TO BE CENSORED

Good morning, all. My 'oldest son', 'J', brought over his laptop for me to do my finances, as I do every two weeks: is that called bi-monthly or bi-weekly? Well, whatever it is, it blows--ha!

Before I get to my bankruptcy update, it seems I am, once again, in the proverbial 'hot seat'--not a fun place to be.

Why can't I simply ignore the ugly comments? Apparently my being a cruel, ungrateful and insensitive daughter isn't my only flaw--the fact that I cannot let such criticism and opinions roll off my shoulders, especially when it is indeed so deeply personal, is yet another failure on my part.

My 'diatribe' about the day with my Mom at 'California Adventure'--since it clearly needs to be spelled out so as to further avoid any ugly comments or misunderstandings--was satirical.

It should go without saying how deeply I love my Mom. Is she a pain in my arse at times? indeed. As I am in hers.

I think it sad that I have to, once again, defend my post and to say that no, I really did not want to throw my Mom off the ride.

To convey ones emotions through writing is a difficult task--and one I obviously failed at--especially when the reader does not know me nor my personality personally (dry, facetious humor), especially if my post came across as anything other than in jest.

Mothers and daughters are an interesting dynamic and whether in good or bad times, the love is always there. Always has been, always will be.

A little history:

I'm the youngest of nine children, five are my Mom's, including myself: I'm a 'yours, mine and ours baby' with my Mom having three sons and a daughter from her first marriage and my Dad having three daughters and a son from his first marriage--I'm the youngest and the only 'product' between them both.

I'm also the only one who calls my Mom weekly and when she was evicted from her rental home ten years ago (courtesy of her oldest son--my half-brother...long story there), it was Ed and I who picked up the pieces and took her in. Ed and I, out of my siblings, were the ones least financially capable of doing so. So, she lived with Ed, myself and our two young children at the time in our small three bedroom house for six or seven months before getting her own place. She now lives about 5 minutes from us.

Truthfully, I thought nothing of it but did think it kind of shameful that no one else thought to help her out financially.

Before things got really bad for us financially, I would bring my Mom groceries, take her to the movies and to lunch or dinner once or twice a month.

Unfortunately, I can't do those things right now.

Now, for her birthday this year, she received only one phone call from my other siblings (my mid-west brother), although, my brother who lives closest to us (about 45 minutes to an hour) did come and take her out to dinner the week before.

No card or gift from any of them (excluding the one who took her dinner--that was her gift; it was thoughtful, well received and appreciated by my Mom).

We did our 'California Adventure' thing with her and I got her a paperback book of her favorite author (Nora Roberts) and a pair of warm pajama bottoms. I couldn't do much but I do talk to her at least two to three times a week, while the others only seem to call her on national holidays. However, the brother that took her out to dinner is making more of an effort to do those things now--he lives about 45 minutes from us and so, I do give him credit and am appreciative.

The other three live out of state: one has nothing to do with the rest of the family (since he caused my Mom, and us, so much grief by removing her from her home he rented for her after previously taking out a loan on her house up north, which he then lost and thus, she was twice evicted), the other brother lives in the mid-west and did treat her to a plane ticket to attend his daughters wedding earlier this year but both my Mom and my brother say that the whole trip was disastrous and neither will ever do that again. My Mom's eldest lives back east and, again, only calls on holidays--not even a call, nor a card, from her for my Mom on her birthday last month.

Also, I lost my Dad three years ago--kindly do not speak to me as if I don't know what it means to lose a parent or how valuable my Mom is to me. You're making leaps and bounds of assumptions.

In addition to being called a 'bad daughter' by the two bloggers in question, I was also accused of too much 'whining' and not enough volunteering nor helping myself.

I think that's how it went.

Whining?

You betcha. I set up this blog for the purpose of nothing but. Guilty as charged.

This is my place to vent by exuding brutal truth about bankruptcy and it's daily effects on an average working class family.

Do I think we're the only ones who are, or have, gone though this?

Of course not--most of the whole damn country is going through this and I am in no way delusional about that.

I attempt to get through this whole demeaning process with a little grace and dignity but, sadly, grace and dignity do sometimes fall to the wayside for the commiserating and whining I have been accused of.

Let me just state for the record that there is no handbook for this--I can only write about what I think, what I feel and what the day to day financial struggle is like.

This is simply my story. No one else's. It's told through my eyes only.

I do not pretend to speak for others.

For those of you who have written in support, telling me that you have gone through this, that you have survived it and that it does get better--your encouragement has not gone unnoticed.

It brings me insurmountable comfort and I thank you.

Onto volunteering.

Apparently, my MS (Multiple Sclerosis) fundraising and volunteering hasn't sunk in--maybe I haven't written enough about it.

It's an odd predicament: not wanting to preach nor to 'tally up' ones volunteering time, efforts and monies raised.

For the record, and simply to silence my critics, which I hope will be once and for all, here is what I do and why I do it:

I am about to embark on my third consecutive MS Walk. In two walk seasons, I have raised $10,000 for the NMSS (National Multiple Sclerosis Society) in the name of my friend, Scott, who has MS.

Scott introduced me to the plight of the MS cause and got me proactive.

Scott is 53 and lives in the assisted living where I used to work. That's how I met him. I will write more about Scott and our quest for a cause and cure for MS in an upcoming blog.

Prior to that, I volunteered in my kids school for years and years, winning the school districts award for parent volunteer of the year as well as Ed and I both managing our sons baseball teams for nearly ten years--all volunteer positions.

When I worked in assisted living (which was a bi-product that came from a need after my fathers death--again, please don't tell me that I don't understand the value of our elders...it's insulting) my son came in and volunteered in everything from moving furniture for residents, calling bingo and putting up holiday decorations.

He's also worked in soup kitchens.

But apparently, none of this is enough for some of my readers.

Again, I will be back in December to talk about the upcoming MS Walk '10.

I'm sorry to have lost some followers, truly I am. I acknowledge fully that I am not everyone's cup of tea and that it's easy to be misunderstood in writing.

With that said, you're all perfectly entitled to how you feel. Thank you for your previous support. No hard feelings and I wish you well.

Moving onto the bankruptcy update:

It has been postponed until December.

A new law was apparently placed in effect November 1st claiming Riverside County (where we live) to be in a lower cost of living bracket: 'they' claim (seriously, who are 'they' and do 'they' have a freaking clue???) that the cost of living has gone down.

Let's see: gas is still $3.00 a gallon. Groceries have gone up. Our rent hasn't gone down nor has our utilities.

This is almost laughable.

The way it works is this: in order to file bankruptcy you have to show six months of low income. So, we were starting in May to November, which is when we were to file.

Now, with this new law, we have to wait another month.

So, we just have to hang in there a little while longer--we have an appointment with our attorney on Friday, December 4th, to put this in motion. The day after we file for bankruptcy, the garnishment stops on my husbands wages, which by the way is $1,000 (one thousand) a month that's being taken out.

And to my critics who say I'm not helping myself: I have done a tightrope act worthy of 'Cirque Du Soleil' (sp?) to keep us fed and in a house with working utilities as well as pulling money out of my rear for Ed to get back and forth to work every day: he works in L.A. county, a good thirty miles from our home in a job he's been at for over twenty years.

Secondly--I am unable to work because my wages would also get garnished and we would be ineligible to file for bankruptcy at all due to 'too much income'.

We are $30,000 plus in debt from the second on the house we lost.

Without bankruptcy, it would take years to pay that off and we, quite frankly, cannot keep going like we are.

I have about $200.00 a month to spend on groceries for three people--and when I say 'groceries', I mean EVERYTHING: laundry detergent, soap, shampoo, dish liquid, toilet paper, napkins, etc. Not just food.

We have two beloved pets we've had for over ten years: a beautiful lab mix named T.J., who is ten years old, and a feline named Priscilla ('Prissy') who is eleven. Both are, of course, also part of our clan and are a priority and need to eat as well (twice a day).

The $200.00 naturally includes their care as well as ours.

So, it's a battle but we're hanging onto the end result and looking forward to that silver lining.

We hope it won't always be like this.

Time for me to pay bills and run through our finances. I'm going to try very hard to come back today if I'm able (not sure what time 'J' needs his laptop back) and visit my blog friends on 'their turf' as I've missed seeing all that's going on in your lives.

Thank you all for your never ending support.

Love, peace and happiness,
~Jo

2009-10-22T12:27:00.000-07:00

Hi, all!

Wow--so much going on and I cannot begin to tell you how much I've missed everyone....I think of you all daily!

As you may recall, our computer crashed--it is still unfixed. Fixin' costs money, don'tcha know? Whoda thunk it, eh???

Bummer, dude. Major bummer.

Then, we were using a very old, slow and unstable laptop that B's friend gave him--well, that took a dive on us, too, leaving me totally incommunicado from the world outside.

Amazing how reliant we have all become on technology--but without it B has had to go to other peoples houses to do his school work, I have been unable to do my on-line banking (which helps me to stay on task financially, pay bills, keep track of transactions, etc.), Ed has been unable to do his weekly line-up's for his 'Fantasy Football' league that he does every year through his work (which he still hasn't paid for--yikes!--they're being understanding and patient) and which he really enjoys (one of the few things he gets to look forward to) not to mention being 'computerless' has left me without being able to catch up with you all!

I still haven't been able to pick up my awards from a few weeks back that Kelly and Naqvee were so kind as to bestow upon me but I want to thank them both so much for thinking me worthy and I promise to come back to retrieve them when I have more computer access.

So, this morning my 'oldest son' brought over his laptop for me to use so I can do my bi-monthly crying--er, banking.

I only have it for a little while today--but he is being very patient with me as I have been about two weeks now incommunicado!

UPDATE:

As you may recall, we took my Mom to 'California Adventure' for her birthday on Sat. October 10th. She got in for free for her birthday and Ed and I had two free tickets from the 'MS Society'. I packed us a great lunch to save all of us money (that none of us really had, to be frank) on having to buy food at the park.

Parking, unfortunately, went up $2.00 and is now $14.00 to park!!!

We gave my Mom a choice between 'Disneyland' and 'California Adventure'--she chose the latter.

I tried, Meeko, I tried.

Although we had tried convincing her that 'Disneyland' would be more 'her speed' (and so fun and pretty in the Autumn!) and, therefore, would have more for a 76 year old woman to do and see, she chose 'California 'Adventure' because she had never been there.

And so, since it was HER day, we accommodated her--and, by doing so, basically wasted our two free tickets--ha!

I TOLD her over and over prior to going to wear comfortable shoes and to dress accordingly--that there would be a lot of walking.

But NOOOOOOO! She wore dressy flats, pants and blouse with a shawl instead of tennis shoes and comfy, warm (it was chilly there that day--especially once the sun set), layered clothing.

Comfy and lots of walking being the key words.

Had we been thinking ahead, we would have borrowed a wheelchair from my in-laws for her as her feet were killing her after a few hours.

She went to 'Guest Services' to find out how much to rent an electric wheelchair--$76.00 they wanted (you would get $20.00 or $25.00 back upon it's return)!!! I told her she should have checked to see how much for a regular one but she poo-pooed it all together. Probably wouldn't have been much difference--everything there is ridiculous.

Ed was 'jonesing' for a cup of coffee--$4.00 I paid for a stupid cup of Joe! Sheesh, we could have gone to 'Starbucks' for a cappuccino!

Anyway, we ended up only on three rides alllll dayyyyy with having to stop and walk slow, stop again, sit for a while, stop, walk slow some more.

Three rides--not including the kiddie rides with my two year old great-niece (my niece and her husband came with their little one) and the 'Aladdin' show which was spectacular!

So, yeah--three rides. Yep.

Comfy shoes, Mom--comfy shoes!!!!!

Oh, and I had to buy my Mom a poncho--yes, a PONCHO! $7.00!!!!!

She had told me weeks before we went that she wanted to go on the raft water ride. I told her that it wasn't too fast or steep and that she could probably handle it but to make sure she brought a windbreaker, hat, change of clothes, etc. because she would likely get wet.

What do you think? Did she listen?

Yep--you guessed it. NOPE! So, when she saw people getting off the ride wet she made a stink. A big one.

I reminded her that I told her of this--several times--and that we don't have to go on it.

She insisted on going on but was making such a 'to do' about the water that I went and bought her the damned PONCHO. Then, what do you suppose she said?

"I told you not to!!!!"

She has since recovered nicely from somehow--eh hem--accidentally tumbling off the raft.

God only knows how she managed to go head first off that thing. They really need to review their safety standards.

Anyway, we were glad to be home and swore NEVER AGAIN with my Mother.

I love her but, seriously.

In other news, we file for bankruptcy November 2nd.

We have to re-take the mandatory on-line credit counseling before we can file: our previous attorney--A.K.A. unethical, lazy, scum bag piece of sh**--had us take it back in April. It cost us $50.00. However, since he didn't do anything to motivate himself to work for us and crunch the numbers, the certificate has since expired and we now have to re-take it paying yet another $50.00.

That now leaves us with $75.00 for two weeks of groceries, toiletries, etc. after rent and gas for Ed to get back and forth to work which is $12.00 a day (we had to borrow the money for our attorney's fees).

This has been a constant stressful struggle of a juggling act--I can only hope it's nearly over and that the judge who reviews our case doesn't reject it.

The nearer it gets to November 2nd, I feel not the relief I thought I would, but further anxiety in a mind full of "what if's?"

I HAVE to think that way--I truly feel as if I have no choice but to NOT get my hopes up that this nightmare is almost over.

Only when I wake up in a cold sweat from this terror that has been our lives for a year, will I then exhale and breathe regularly again--and only then.

I will be back whenever I have access to a computer to say hi to my wonderful blog friends whom I have missed so dearly it settles itself in the form of a dull ache.

I truly miss you and can't wait to be back permanently so I can finally catch up on how you all are.

Meeko, Steven Anthony, Rae, Isabella, Naqvee, Ekanthapadhikan, Cooking Mama, Lori, Kelly, Allen, Kyle...all of you (and those whose names I missed in my haste in getting this off--my sincere apologies)--I love and miss you greatly and so very much appreciate everyone's well wishes and support and wish for you all everything that is good.

I truly hope this finds your Autumn blessed with good health, peace, love and happiness.

~Jo
E-mail: ejcbtheshamrock4@aol.com
(I will likely get to check my mail about once a week or every two weeks)

2009-10-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

Hi to my beautiful blog friends!

I've really missed all of you--it's been over a week but feels like an eternity.

Quick update:

Our computer still hasn't gotten fixed--B had to go into 'Safe Mode' to try and save some important documents on his flash drive before taking it to the guy from Ed's work who can then fix it for us--there were a few things we hated to lose in our saved documents that would be difficult to replace: resumes, B's school assignments, a book I started writing and 15 giga bites of I-Tunes that tooks years of accumulating that B hates to lose as he doesn't have most of the CD's anymore (some were borrowed).

So, in the meantime we're still using his friends old lap top which is massively slow, infuriating and untrustworthy. Again, I'm not supposed to be on here but just wanted to touch base and let everyone know how much I miss you and miss reading about what's going on in your lives--I wish I could stay longer to do that but don't want to risk any further damage as this darned thing is all we have right now until our pc gets fixed.

Nothing much new going on other than that: we're supposed to file for bankruptcy on November 2nd where the garnishment on my husbands wages are supposed to cease immediately.

In the meantime, taking back cans and bottles to buy a few groceries.

As I mentioned before, we're also going to 'Disneyland' or 'California Adeventure' on Saturday, Oct. 10th for my Mom's birthday: she gets in free for her birthday and Ed and I have two free tickets.

We're likely going to pack our lunch and dinner in an ice chest (and keep it in our car) instead of paying to eat there unless anyone knows if there is perhaps a website where we can print out food coupons for 'The Disneyland Resort'. I have been unsuccessful thus far.

I don't have a problem packing a lunch--we do what we have to do and I'm truly grateful to have two free tickets that enables us to enjoy a day of fun--but, of course, would prefer to eat there were it affordable. I know my Mom, for one, isn't looking forward to all the walking back and forth between our car and the park to eat. However, if I am unable to locate any coupons/vouchers, then that is naturally our course of action.

On another note, unfortunately, I still haven't been able to buy my daughter a birthday gift (needless to say--as I've said it 100 times before--things have been pretty freaking tough!) but I will be doing so in November--it'll be a few months late but I'm hoping she'll be understanding and willing to see the sincereity of my gesture instead of the late timeframe, if it gets acknowledged at all. Not really the point I suppose as I will get her something nonetheless.

In closing, I want to say another thank you to 'Supahmommy' for making me another button for my blog. Bloggers seemed to like both choices equally so she kindly made me another for people to choose from--both are on my sidebar. Much thanks to her for her time and kindness!

I want you all to know how much I miss you and can't wait to be back on permanently to catch up with you all. I hope this finds everyone happy and well.

Here is my E-mail address--please identify yourself in the subject box if you'd like to stay in touch via E-mail: ejcbtheshamrock4@aol.com

Happy Autumn--peace, love and happiness to you all!

~Jo

2009-09-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

I'LL BE BACK

Hi, all. I apologize (what else is new, eh? I'm always apologizing for something 'cause I'm such a schmuck!) for my absence lately--our computer bit the dust. Took a dump. Crapped out--or if you want to get all technical, thrown out the window. Sheesh.

Okay, the last part isn't true but man it was so hard not to take that son of a beotch and fling it off the nearest bridge.

Okay, the nearest foothill. We don't have bridges around here.

Do we, Meeko????

Anyway, I am using my sons lap top that his friend gave him and was given very strict instructions by B to not do anything on it but check my E-mail since it's not running too terribly well and he doesn't want it to get a virus as we think that's what happened to ours.

You can see how well I listen.

Two words from B: 'Only E-mail!'

Yeah? I got two words for you, too. :D

Anyway, I couldn't just drop off the face of the planet without telling you why.

We're having our computer checked out next week by a guy at Ed's work who fixes them on the side dirt cheap. We're talking like $25.00 compared to everyone else who wanted $70.00 or higher--just for a diagnostic check-up, not to fix the issues, which would be considerably more.

I say next week 'cause Ed is in Ohio on business and won't be back to work until Monday to give the guy our tower.

Ed is lucky to be there this week, good timing as he is enjoying 70 degree weather in Ohio-- granted, with a little humidity--while Riverside will be 105 today and continued triple digits on through the weekend. Won't start cooling down to low-mid 90's until Monday.

Have I mentioned we have no A/C????

While Meeko (a fellow I.E. resident) and I are sweltering, melting--essentially dying....you all stay cool, happy, healthy and well.

I'll be back as soon as the 'Computer God' smiles down on me and says; 'The World Wide Web will soon be yours once again. Be patient, it may take a week or two so until then, go read a book. Watch a movie. Pull weeds...and may the force be with you.'

I picture the computer God to look like Mark Hamill circa 1977.

Take care my blog friends and stay well--I will have much catching up to do when I get back but will be thinking of you until then.

Hugs and kisses.

Peace, love and happiness,
Jo
ejcbtheshamrock4@aol.com

2009-09-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU, 'SUPAHMOMMY'!

'SupahMommy' (http://supahmommy.blogspot.com/) was so kind as to make me a button (see sidebar).

I just want to sincerely thank her for taking the time to do that for me--and thank you, Steven Anthony (http://noexcusenoexplanation.blogspot.com/) and Michael (http://meekothedisgruntledsecretary.blogspot.com/) for no doubt putting in a good word for me. :)

Make sure to grab 'SupahMommy's' button and Steven and Michael's, too (see my sidebar)!

See? All my whining paid off.

After she was so kind to do this for me, she offered to make any changes. I had sent her another image to work with but after seeing the original image she used to make my button, I E-mailed her back and said; 'no changes necessary' as I truly do love it as is.

However, I thought I would see what you all think....

Which image do you all like best for my blogs button? Although, I'd HATE to write her yet again and say; "Um, everyone likes this one better.' Ha! :D

It's no fun doing favors for me, I tell you.

Anyway, here are the two images:

The first one is my original 'Sad Housewife' icon in which, again, the button was already made in it's image--and very well done, too!:

This next one is another option that I deemed appropriate--and a little a little 'kitschy':

Much thanks, again, to 'SupahMommy' for a 'Supah Job!'

2009-09-20T12:19:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY DREAMING...AND BEYOND

Happy Sunday, all!

Thank you for your fun, feisty and supportive comments on my previous post. I simply adore you all and hope you're having the best of weekends.

Will try very hard to catch up on all your wonderful posts tonight or tomorrow.

Following--and again, 'just for scuzz' (just because)--is my new wish list all from the new 'Bed Bath And Beyond' circular I received in the mail this week. Good stuff! I've about worn the darn catalog out with it's pages now frayed, torn and coffee stained. I keep looking at it over and over as if something new will suddenly have appeared in the pages that I somehow missed the first 100 times.

All very pleasing to my eye--not my budget--ha! So, here goes:

'Anthology Maestro' king size comforter set $249.99-- includes, comforter, two shams and bed skirt (DOESN'T include sheets and throw pillows--yikes!)

'Hampton' set of three room rugs $99.99

Tea light Wall Sconces--set of four $24.99

Glass wall art $79.99

Now for the smaller things:

'Yankee Candle' Autumn scents $7.50-$18.70

'Organic Living' soy candles $5.99-$7.99

I particularly like the Candy Corn scented soy candle...

Halloween Decorative Buckets $9.99 each

Color changing battery operated tea light--perfect for Jack 'O Lanterns $2.99 each

Well, that's about it for today. I always have fun looking and dreaming....Have a super day and evening--love to you all.

2009-09-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

HELLO'S & GOOD-BYE'S

For those of you who don't know (if you're, by chance, new here), I have two children. My daughter, C, turned 23 a few weeks ago. My son, B, is 19.

I have been estranged from my daughter for nearly five years--only seeing her a handful of times. This is, to my lament, her choice and it's a choice that...well, I guess it's been slowly killing me, eating away at me day by day all this time.

More on her in a bit...

B just started junior college--he graduated high school in June.

We have had a few rough weeks after the break up between him and his girlfriend recently, afterward in which I took to 'Twitter' and 'Blogspot' to express my anger and hurt over his treatment by others.

Of course, anyone LOOKING intentionally to start trouble could simply type in my name and find all this stuff.

They did. One of his female friends (the girlfriend of one of B's friends and his ex-girlfriends best friend) intentionally went looking for dirt--and boy, did she find it. This is where I then took to 'blogspot' once more ranting about the First Amendment and MY RIGHT to say as I please and if you don't like it--don't read it.

I wasn't feeling particularly kind, mind you. I was indeed quite blunt and honest in my tweets.

Well, she went right to B with my expressions, thoughts and feelings--a.k.a. 'bluntness and honesty'.

It f***ed up our entire Labor Day weekend (plans were changed and canceled with family members) with B and I having a vicious fight. Even Ed got involved--which he never does.

Ed's very much a hippie at heart--even more so than I am.

It really is about 'peace, love and happiness' in our home and if those who enter can't abide by that--you're shown the front door.

Anyway, Ed told B exactly the same thing I did and that is that if he were him, he would question his so-called 'friends' motives for looking stuff up then running to him with it.

We also told B to think about it this way: Say you have a journal. You don't lock it and it's kept it in an unlocked drawer. Someone goes intentionally looking for it and then doesn't like what they read and furthermore, go to your loved one with the information.

As I always say; just because you could, doesn't mean you should.

B then used my very own words right back on me.

Touche (I can't seem to make the little accent thingy--ha!).

So, I once more took to Twitter and said these are MY feelings and thoughts, not B's and if anyone has a problem with them, talk to me, not HIM.

Then I made my tweets private.

Sad I had to do that.

B accused me of 'burning his bridges' and I accused him--and his 'friends'--of being disloyal and throwing me under the bus.

Well, B and I didn't hardly speak for a week. I've been VERY angry that he still gives these people a ride to school--and in MY CAR no less.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have B use my car--he needs it for school and I don't need it much. He has a Jeep that he bought that ended up being a lien sale and he's having trouble with registration--so, until that gets straightened out we share a car.

But I became outraged when I heard him speak their name because those people are still sitting in MY f***ing car every day.

I told B he threw me under the bus for gas money!

Ed told B to try and see it from my perspective and understand why I'm so upset: I sit in my house *like a veal every day (*enter Sandra Bullock movie quote) while he uses my car to drive he and his friends to school, the same friends who tied me to the stake and lit my ass up.

Ed also told him that he doesn't feel any differently than I do, I just expressed it while he stayed silent.

So, things, still have been tense.

Now, were B and/or the snoopy 'readers' in question were to try and talk to me and make this right--perhaps things would be different. But they haven't...and I'm too old to budge and I simply won't. Not on this.

Then the other night, something odd happened. I accidentally broke something of Ed's. It was on the edge of the patio table and as I went to straighten up the vinyl table cloth, down it went. Shattered into pieces.

Ed just covered his eyes--as if trying not to look at the damage--and went 'Oh, no!'

I felt terrible and was stunned into silence. To make matters worse, it was a gift that one of B's friends had gotten Ed for Fathers day this year.

Ouch.

Then B came out and saw what I did--accident or not.

He looked at me with such pure disgust, as if to say; "How could you? Shame on you!"

Then something like; 'I can't believe you broke Dad's thing!' came out of his mouth and I then suddenly found myself putting on my shoes and leaving my house.

I was in my pajamas (it was around 9:00 at night) but didn't care.

I walked down the street, around the corner and just sat on the curb and cried.

All the events of the past few weeks--all of it--finally got to me.

Enter pity party in which I was the only attendee:

Wasn't I already going through enough?

This whole bankruptcy process hasn't been soul seizing and pride swallowing as it is?

I already have one child who hates me, do I really need two?

I should have raised pit bulls.

Anyway, I had my cell with me and Ed tried calling me several times but I needed to be alone.

I wasn't gone long; 15-20 minutes or so. I just needed to clear my head.

When I came back Ed met me out front and was in good humor telling me not to worry about it.

Then B came out front and I lit into him.

I apologized to him for having a flawed mother but, this is simply me and I then told him that his 'reign of terror' has officially come to an end. He will not make me feel bad any longer.

Things have been a little better. Still not great but progress has been made.

Back to C:

I missed my daughters birthday. Oh, I knew when it was and I even posted about it on here and sent her an E-mail. Unfortunately, way things are financially, I couldn't buy her a single darned thing.

Then, I got put on full blast by an anonymous poster: 'Shame on you! Horrible mother!'

Seems to be a recurring theme.

Then the other day I gave a few dollars for a good cause. Literally just A FEW DOLLARS. That's all I could do. If I could have done more, I would have.

Just like if I could have bought my daughter a gift, I would have.

With that said, I seem to have lost something recently.

Something I had really come to look forward to. Something I now miss.

I'm talking about a few readers of mine who have gone AWOL from my posts. No longer replying to anything--and haven't for a while whereas they were once regular visitors here.

Yes, I've noticed. I know who the few of you are and I would like to address you collectively:

I don't know what the reasons were: perhaps you got tired of my complaining about my state of finances.

Well, some people complain about their work. Some people complain about their marriage. Their whole blogs are dedicated to complaining. As is mine. You'll get no arguments from me on that.

It's nice if a persons blog can be about something positive; work, daily walks, traveling and/or hobbies such as gardening, cooking, sewing, photography.

Mine is about griping. And pardon me, but I'm really good at it. I'm not good at much but griping I can do and do it well.

Perhaps you object to my buying two homeless people two hot dogs the other day when I'm always complaining about how tight money is.

Perhaps you object to my giving a few dollars to a fellow blogger who's in much worse need than I am (yes, even I know that there are many others worse off) and then my asking other fellow bloggers to give (IF they can) or pray for them.

Plenty of people have helped me out throughout my life--I need to give back. My heart and conscience won't allow me ignore the elephant standing in the room regardless of my wallets contents.

Perhaps you're objecting that I don't come around your blogs as often as I should.

If that's the case, I am trying to rectify that and even wrote a post not too long ago about my being neglectful of my fellow bloggers lately--there's just so many it's hard to keep up daily without spending ALL DAY on here, which I can't do. However, I have made great headway in making the rounds lately if for no other reason than to give a sincere hi and a warm thank you for support.

OR....perhaps your objection is that I gave a few dollars to strangers instead of buying my daughter anything for her birthday.

If that's it--let me re-cap: last year I made her an elaborate gift basket/care package full of practical things that I thought a part-time working single gal could use: personal products, hair care, laundry supplies, socks, etc. with an 11x14 greeting card enclosed with a gift card to her favorite store inside plus a necklace from that same store.

I knew my Mom would be seeing her (I had attempted to see her myself, to no avail) so my Mom delivered it and said she had so much fun looking through all the goodies and reminded her to thank her mother.

A month goes by nothing.

Two months later I finally receive an E-mail (no doubt at the urging of my Mom) that said: "Thanks for the stuff. Much of it was useful."

This year I simply didn't have it. I knew a few dollars couldn't buy a darned thing that would mean anything to her. I sent her an E-mail and told her that I didn't have right now to get her what I wanted but that I hadn't forgotten about her birthday.

Well, hubby is leaving on a business trip Monday--that will save us some gas money that he would normally use to go back and forth to work. I plan on taking about $20.00 or $25.00 and buy my daughter a gift card to 'Target', which she really likes. I know it's not much but we need to save, save, save as much as we can.

If I can do more, I certainly will.

Selfish as it sounds, we have an upcoming trip to 'Disneyland' in October.

We don't ever go out and do anything--NOTHING! NOTHING!!!!

To remind you--we have FREE tickets (that I got from the MS Society for fund raising) and we are taking my Mom for her birthday.

She really wanted to go this year as she hasn't been for decades, literally, and she gets in free for her birthday. So, Ed and I need to save for gas, food and parking.

I'm so ready for a little fun. But...I got blasted by 'anonymous' for that, too, as I posted about our upcoming trip there: "I don't care if your tickets are free--you still have to pay for parking, etc. Shame on you once again for not buying your daughter anything!"

It just seems no matter what I do, no matter the effort and intentions, I always seem to do the wrong thing.

However, only I know my heart. Me and my higher power.

I cannot please EVERYBODY.

So, if you haven't stopped by because you have simply been busy and overwhelmed, like I have been, with life, love and the pursuit of...well, you know....then my sincerest apologies and I totally get it. Trust me.

However, if for some reason you have made a conscious decision to stop following me, either collectively or on your own--please kindly send me the picture of you walking on water.

Beyond that, I'm sorry I disappointed you--but you're last in a very long line, my friend/s. I nonetheless wish you well.

Last but not least--I am saying hello and good-bye to two men today. Well, one today and one on Sunday, actually.

First, my good-bye: today my friend, Pat, whom I have known since Junior High school, is leaving for Kosovo for 12 to 15 months (he's been in Indiana training for a month). He is in the ARMY Reserves.

He is divorced but remains very close to his two daughters, ages 13 and 9. This has been very hard on them all....

Please wish him God speed.

Then, on Sunday I say hello--my 'oldest son' comes home.

J is 23 and we have known him for five years. We met him when we had a spare room that one of his friends rented from us. Well, the friend didn't last long but, thankfully, J did.

His picture is on my sidebar with him and his wife on their wedding day.

He and his wife couldn't belong anymore to Ed and I if we had given birth to them! Well, if I had given birth, that is--Ed would just have to watch and scratch himself while I did all the work.

Sheesh.

J made a life decision last year to stop fiddle-farting around and do something constructive with his life instead of going from job to job.

So, he enrolled in 'Wyotech' to study diesel mechanics.

This required him to move to Laramie, Wyoming for a year--leaving behind his wife, his family and us.

He stayed outside of campus with a friend and for a year has studied his heiny off living off of his student loan allowance. He was actually only supposed to go for nine months but extended his program for three more months to take a managers course.

Today he graduates.

Ed and I are just sick that we couldn't go to his graduation but thankfully his wife is there and J's brother and sister-in-law.

Sunday he comes home.

Bittersweet day...but I'm very proud of the reasons I am saying hello and good-bye to two brave men who stepped outside of themselves to make a better place in this world for themselves and for others.

Peace, love and happiness to you all today.

2009-09-17T07:44:00.001-07:00

THURSDAY TIRADE

'Thursday Tirade' is sponsored by the letter 'P'.

P is for pretentious.

I seem to have a love-hate relationship with The Food Network Channel. More notably, with a few of it's stars:

Giada De Laurentiis.

We're perfectly aware she was born in Rome as she reminds us every opportunity she gets. However, she was RAISED in America and the only accent she has is the one that she CREATES for herself in her over-annunciations:

'Moozerellllaahh'.

'PanceTTa' with an over pronounced 't' sound.

Then, to really drive it home--she makes an excuse to keep saying the word over and over...

For example: 'So, here I've grated a cup of fresh moozerellllaahh. Can you see how good that moozerellllaahh is? This is really fresh moozerellllaahh. So, now I'm going to take the moozerellllaahh and in the pasta I'm going to add in the moozerellllaahh and let the moozerellllaahh melt in the pasta now with the moozerelllaahh in it to give the pasta that fresh moozerelllaahh taste.'

Um, after the first time, just say 'cheese'--we are cerebrally equipped. We get it.

I also follow her on 'Twitter'.

Why? Apparently I'm a masochist.

In one of her tweets she writes that she feels as if she should apologize for her many typos.

There are no typos--her punctuation, spelling--perfect.

Then she goes on to say; 'Remember, English is my SECOND language'.

Get over yourself.

Even her tweets are pretentious.

But, Ed likes her ~~boobs~~ cooking. So, we keep tuning in.

Then there's Ina Garten.

Yes, we get it. You live in The Hamptons. You have glamorous and rich friends.

Yes, we get it. You cook with a lot of salmon to show those of us who make 'Hamburger Helper' what kitchen losers we really are.

And yes, you can afford the 'best' ingredients--we get that, too:

'Make sure you only use good vanilla'.

'Make sure to use the best cocoa'.

'Make sure you only use fresh herbs picked straight from the garden'.

Hey, Ina--make sure to pick up your local grocers special on 'Hamburger Helper'--2 for $3.00.

Make sure to use only the best water.

But, Ed likes her ~~boobs~~ cooking, so we keep tuning in.

And in an unrelated Food Network rant, I now bring you the letters A and C for animal cruelty.

I read on-line this morning that Jon Gosselin of 'Jon and Kate Plus ~~Hate~~ Eight' is getting rid of their two German Sheppard dogs, Shoka and Nala, that they've had for at least a year.

He's sending them back to the breeders from whence they came.

He claims that he's doing this because 'Kate doesn't take care of the dogs when she's here'.

I don't know if this is true or not. I'm obviously not there to refute or verify those claims but the only things that seem to be clear here are this:

Neither Jon NOR Kate have properly taught those kids how to behave around animals. I have seen the little ones pull, push and tug on those dogs and any other animal they come in contact with.

And by 'little ones', I mean FIVE year olds, not one or two year olds.

I've seen them get taken to petting zoos etc., where the establishments are the ones having to tell these ~~monsters~~ children NOT to grab and pull and tug while the parents aren't doing anything to teach them right and wrong.

Back to Shoka and Nala--the dogs in question. The kids did not ask for these dogs--their parents, in an episode last year, simply announced one day that they were 'adding to their family' and getting the kids TWO dogs, which were already picked out and named by Jon and Kate--giving the kids no responsibility or choices in the matter.

However, I feel very strongly that it's not too late to teach them how to care for these dogs.

Again, the youngest are five--certainly old enough to not only be taught right and wrong, but to also be given chores such as feeding, watering and bathing their furry family members.

Their two oldest kids (twin girls Cara and Mady) are ten for crying out loud!

In addition to it not being too late to teach these kids how to love and care for pets--especially ones they've had for well over a year--give them some responsibilities.

It'll help make them better and more compassionate citizens and Shoka and Nala will give nothing but unconditional love in return.

Through Jon's statement about giving the dogs back to the breeder (and what will happen to them then???), it seems he is trying punish Kate.

In the end, though--it's only Shoka and Nala who are, sadly, being punished.

Sad, wrong and disgusting.

2009-09-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

FOR EZRA

I am asking for donations.

Those five words ought to make 'anonymous' deliriously happy.

'Anonymous' was a poster who replied to one of my posts a few weeks ago and, in addition to many other things--accused me of asking fellow bloggers for money via 'backhanded-ness' and 'whining'.

Alas, I am asking not for myself (and again, to reiterate what I wrote in response back then--nor would I)--I am asking for Ezra and his family.

I do not know Ezra nor do I know Ezra's Mommy. Yet, they touched my life this morning nonetheless.

I was only 'introduced' to them just this morning through SITS ('The Secret Is In The Sauce') as Ezra's Mommy was SITS featured blogger for today--her blog is titled 'Manic Mommy'.

Please CLICK on the newly added button on my side bar titled 'Praying For Ezra' which will take you directly to her blog.

Ezra is two years old (and younger brother to Rowan, four) and was diagnosed back in May with Leukemia.

Ezra's Mommy is a stay at home Mom while her husband works part time and goes to school full time. They are living on his part time income and his student loan allowance.

They only have one car between them and Ezra has several doctors appointments per week. Their families help when they can with what they are able...

Ezra is going to need treatments for THREE years--which are costly.

There is a 'Paypal' button set up on her blog to donate. This was not easy for her to do, as you can read from her post titled 'Ezra's Story' (which you can find at the top right of her blog).

However, I wholeheartedly empathize and support her doing it. Sometimes we simply have no choices left but to turn to the kindness and humanity of strangers...

I wish I could have donated more (it would be uncouth for me to say how much I did) but I know that if ever I have a few extra dollars here and there--I will be back to do so again.

I hope that those of you who are able will give what you can--if not, perhaps you can simply offer Ezra and his Mommy (and the rest of their family) your support and prayers.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Peace, love and happiness to you all.
~Jo

2009-09-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

US WOMEN

Well, yesterday I posted 'Sunday Snippets'--just something a little fun and different from my usual "Woe is me..." bru-ha-ha.

Well, ladies and gents--I'm back. And so is the griping.

I'm going to apologize up front--I'm all over the map with my emotions right now--my outrage is on different counts, for different reasons. All connecting, though, in my mind.....

To say that I'm peeved, irked, annoyed...doesn't do justice my choice of topic today.

This isn't directly about me for once--I'm setting aside my narcissism to talk about society as a whole--more notably, WOMEN.

In addition to the above adjectives, I'm also proud--and ashamed. Kindly read on to understand my confliction.

Kanye West at the V.M.A.'s:

If you didn't see it--you've no doubt heard or read about it.

To briefly re-cap: Taylor Swift won an award last night. She goes on stage to accept it when Kanye West bursts on stage uninvited and unannounced, GRABS the microphone from Ms. Swifts hand and starts his soliloquy on why he thinks Beyonce should have won the award that Ms. Swift was graced with.

Simply put, he bullied Ms. Swift and his way on stage.

Beyonce, sitting in the audience, was equally as stunned and mortified as Ms. Swift--who then left the stage in silent shock.

Beyonce, later winning an award, then calls Ms. Swift up to the stage to 'finish her acceptance speech'.

Both women--quite different from one another--exemplified 'grace under fire'. Chalk one up for true sisterhood.

Then I read the news this morning that the missing Yale student, who was engaged to be married, was found dead--shoved in a wall at her work in New Haven, Connecticut.

They found her yesterday--the day she was to be wed.

Both pieces of today's top news stories left me with conflicting feelings--in order: outrage, redemption, pride, sadness....

Perhaps in the normal mind, these stories don't parallel in any way, shape or form--but to me they both screamed out victimization.

What could possibly ease my heart?

Kanye's record sales dropping while Beyonce and Ms. Swifts rise.

The New Haven woman's killer being caught, tried and convicted. Even then, her poor family and Fiance....I can't even imagine.

Reading about her tragic and untimely death led me to look at the related article of other missing women cases--so many.

Couple all this with the book I just finished reading last night--'The Lovely Bones' by Alice Sebold--and what you now have before you is a peri-menopausal woman on a rant.

Good read, well written, couldn't put it down kind of thing.

SPOILER ALERT--skip to end if you don't care to know the details of the book:

Brief description:

Fourteen year old girl is raped and murdered by her middle-aged neighbor. She narrates the story from heaven--watching her family fall apart (her mother leaves her husband, daughter and son for five years) and her killer goes uncaught...

Fast forward 8 years or so later and she is granted a little while back on earth--in the body of an old classmate.

She knows her time is limited--so what does she do?

Instead of leading her family or police to clues--she instead decides to have sex with a boy from her school whom she once kissed.

Her killer goes on to roam the country--still uncaught--only to die by an icicle conking him on the noggin resulting in him falling into a ravine.

Are you kidding me????

Again, I can't tell you enough how much I enjoyed the read thinking it will lead to some form of redemption.

Perhaps I just missed it.

Disappointing ending.

END OF BOOK SPOILER

Was going to speak about a long ago friend but have decided against it--too much detail would be provided.

We keep 'tabs' on each other through various social networks...

So, let me just say that this falls along the same way I feel about members of my family--they can reach out to strangers but fail to see the person they know in pain.

I'm feeling disheartened and discouraged.

I don't know...

So, next time I see a woman in need--I plan on doing a random act of kindness. Buy her a coke, pay a few dollars for her gas...something.

I guess that's all I have for now. Not very eloquent or well thought out, I know.

Just some things that were on my mind...

Peace to you this week.

2009-09-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY SNIPPETS

It's that time of year.

Football.

Today not only marks the first Sunday NFL game--which makes Ed deliriously happy!--but it happens to also be the coolest day of the summer--high 80's.

I love football season. Not because I have any particular favorite teams--I don't--and not because I know what's going on in every play--I don't.

I love football season simply because it fills my home with familiar sounds--and it makes my men happy.

It also signifies the cooler weather that will soon be upon us--and not far behind that, Halloween and Christmas.

I've had enough of triple digits (with no A/C). It's supposed to run between low to high 90's the rest of the week--inching dangerously close to that 100 degree mark by Friday.

A week from this coming Tuesday--Sept. 22nd--is the first day of Autumn. I wonder if it knows that. September seems to be season confused.

I've refrained--thus far--from writing 'Mother Nature' a complaint letter. She's pushing it, though.

So, now onto 'Sunday Snippets'--more factoids from the mind of Jo (scary, I know):

DID YOU KNOW...

*My left foot is an inch longer than my right? True. Odd. It's real fun shoe shopping.

*Michael Jordan gave the WORST 'Hall Of Fame' inductee speech ever? I've lost all respect for him. What a schmuck.

*Hummingbirds flaps their wings around 75 times per SECOND? Sometimes more...

*Hummingbirds are also the only birds that can hover and fly backwards?

*Soy milk has more calcium than regular milk?

*Broccoli is also a good source of calcium?

*Lillian Disney--Walt Disney's wife--was against Walt Disney opening up 'Disneyland' (which opened in 1955)? She thought it would attract undesirable, 'dirty' people.

*Annette Funicello would never call Walt Disney 'Walt' or 'Uncle Walt' as he requested? She had so much love and respect for him that she always referred to him as 'Mr. Disney'.

*Annette Funicello, due to MS (Multiple Sclerosis) can--very sadly--no longer walk, speak or see?

This is her now....

*If you peel a banana from the bottom--instead of our usual way from the top--you won't have the strings of the banana to pick away and deal with? That's how the primates do it.

*You can use conditioner instead of shaving cream for shaving legs? It's cheaper and leaves your legs smoother as well as a good way to use left over conditioner, especially if you bought a bottle you perhaps didn't care for and don't know what to do with it.

*Bell peppers with three bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating raw?
Bell peppers with four bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking?

Well, that's all I have for today--thanks for playing along!

I hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday!

OOXX

2009-09-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

I OFFER MY HUMBLE APOLOGIES...

Hi and happy Thursday to my blog friends and faithful followers.

I haven't been on much lately--just enough to post my updates, grievances and *what-nots--a.k.a. my silly *'Wish List' yesterday. :D

So, I just wanted to send out my apologies for my neglect in reading all of your wonderful blogs lately--I have much catching up to do....

You may be wondering, what exactly is my problem? You mean besides my utter narcissism, that is???

Well, this morning I have spent about two hours budgeting and paying bills.

Things are also still tense here at home due to the personal events that took place late last week and early this week that has turned my love and trust asunder with certain people in my life.

I have been in a tailspin while others are happily moving on and forward--with strong judgments against me and my character, I might add.

They have all 'forgiven and forgotten' with each other...

No sweat off their backs--it seems to have only landed square on my shoulders, which I deeply resent.

I am simply dealing with the aftermath and licking my wounds (and fighting just to get out of bed every day) while simultaneously trying to figure out the logistics of our living expenses.

Ed has work, B has school and friends. Sometimes it's a bummer that I don't have anything to look forward to every day.

Enter martyrdom--ha!

Then tomorrow I have to make another trip to our attorney's office to make a payment (which we had to borrow). I want to add that he is charging us about $800.00 less than our previous attorney was so I am not complaining.

I'll complain only when I have to start paying all of it back to our benefactors--yikes!

Not really, of course--my God, that sounded awful. I just simply meant that when (IF) all this gets settled and behind us--it won't really and truly be behind us until my debts are squared off--which will take years.

I am truly grateful and thankful to those people who have helped us in our time of need.

So, in closing--I wanted to thank you all for your immense support and to again, deeply apologize for being neglectful on my end in returning that blog love to you.

I will catch up soon with you all--I promise.

Much peace, love and happiness to you all.

2009-09-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

A NEW CHAPTER--NOW, IF ONLY I KNEW WHICH ONE...

Here is yet another update on our ongoing, never ceasing, filing issues.

So, we met with our new attorney last night--Ed and I both up front immediately liked him.

There's a no-nonsense approach, let's get down to brass taxes kind of thing about him.

Underneath that, once business is taken care of--there lies a personable guy who has the same insecurities as the rest of us: did he make the right choices in his life? Should he have followed a different path? What's he going to do about his aging mother?

I found it all very interesting.

Well, back to the bankruptcy: he basically laid it all on the line for us--crunched numbers again and again and said that due to the overtime Ed was working earlier in the year (after the garnishment had started just so we could make ends meet) we may not qualify for Chapter 7 and may have to turn to chapter 13. Or is it the other way around??? Hell, I don't know--I don't do numbers and my head f*@&ing hurts from all of this!

But if Ed keeps up the limited--or no overtime--we can file November first. It may be contested but we can at least file and upon doing so the garnishment will immediately stop. Now, the problem is Ed's future earnings which might hinder us being able to file--so then that's where we'd have to go to the other number (either 7 or 13) and make reasonable payments. Which wouldn't be bad either because it would be less than what's being garnished now and Ed could crank up the overtime again plus I could then perhaps look for work, too.

So, we'll see. Either way at least we have somebody in our corner willing and ready to work with us this time.

As for our previous attorney--I E-mailed him last night telling him his services were no longer needed and he E-mailed me back today (the s.o.b. couldn't do that before????) and said that he had already 'assumed' that.

What an ass. Seriously. So, he had already stopped working for us.

So, as things will continue to be bad for the next few months--let's hope in the end it will lead to something better.

Cheer's to the future!

2009-09-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

WEDNESDAY WISH LIST

I'm becoming a blog klepto.

Seriously--no imagination of my own.

None.

I steal others.

Amy from 'Just Add Walter' (so clever!) posted a 'wish list' the other day--complete with pictures.

I thought; how fun--just for the heck of it to post things that we want. Her items weren't unrealistic or unattainable, either. Amy--I hope you get it all one day!

I think it will be kinda neat to see what your heart desires. So, I hope that you, too, will play along.

Most everything I listed is unrealistic right now (I hope that will not always be the case--I will post tonight or tomorrow about our appointment we had with our new attorney...) and some of it is downright ridiculous--ha! Okay, I admit that I got carried away with my wish items--I know...shocker.

My list is quite eclectic--everything from clothes to cookware to vacations and more.

Greedy, aren't I?

So, without further adieu--and just for fun--this is my wish list:

As you'll be able to tell from my list--I'm just mad about 'Bohemian fashion and decor"...

By the way, that castle--music star Enya lives there in Ireland. That's actually HER house. Amazing....

See? I don't want much! ;)

Happy wishing!

2009-09-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

To Moralize Or Not To Moralize

So, I run to '7-11' today and outside are not one but TWO homeless people.

One asked if I could spare a dollar. He was very specific--'A DOLLAR'--instead of the usual; 'Do you have any spare change I could have?'.

The other homeless man did not ask for anything nor even look my way.

The one that did was clean, shaved and didn't appear to be dirty.

The other man--the one who didn't approach me--was just the opposite: scruffy beard, dirty body and clothes.

With money being so tight on my end, I hesitated to even acknowledge the man who asked but I simply replied; "I'll catch you on my way out".

I thought about complaining to the sales girl--how nice it would be to walk into any store these days and not be 'accosted'--but I held my tongue.

Next to the cash register was cooked hot dogs for sale; two for $2.22.

I could have just given each of the men a dollar, saved the twenty two cents, and be on my way. But then those age old questions comes into play--at least in my head;

"How responsible is it to give a homeless person money?"

"What will they do with it--drugs? Alcohol? Cigarettes?"

So, I bought them both a hot dog and in each of the cardboard containers the hot dogs came in I placed a packet of ketchup, mayo, relish, mustard and a napkin. I even thought about chips and a drink but...well, money and all--plus the moral dilemma swimming around in my head...

So, I gave them each their hot dog.

Both said 'thank you' and the one who didn't ask for anything even offered up a 'Have a good day'.

I wondered at the oddness of it all on my way home and also wildly wondered if I was perhaps part of an experiment; "The seemingly better dressed--and cleaner--of the two asks the customers for money (a specific amount, no less)...what will be the result? How will the customers react? What about the other man? Will he be acknowledged and rewarded? Or will he be 'punished' for being quiet and not asking? "No food for you 'cause you didn't ask--just as well, saved me a buck..."

Was the one who approached me even homeless? Or just testing society?

Interesting.

The extra twenty two cents was a cheap price to pay for my peace of mind.

Then again, is it my place to moralize??? I figure, well, it's my money so, honestly my answer is yes.

What's your thoughts? What would you have done?

2009-09-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

ONCE MORE FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

I hope everyone had a safe, happy, fun and family filled 'Labor Day'.

It's been a few days since I've posted but before I begin yet ANOTHER of my soliloquies let me first say THANK YOU all for helping me become less blog stupid. :D

Your suggestions and offers of help blew me away! Unfortunately, they didn't blow me away to Ireland, Italy or...Walmart. But....that's okay, 'cause I'm here with you. Thank you, again, I will be attempting apply all your methods in an upcoming post. :)

So, this is what's been going on in my little part of the universe.

In addition to blogging, I Twitter.

Everyone has their own reasons for blogging and such:

*Perhaps it's the only time you have to yourself after a busy day with work and/or family.

*Perhaps you're not able to express yourself eloquently and audibly so you turn to blogging.

*Perhaps it's your way of reaching out and connecting--not feeling so alone.

*Perhaps it's the only thing you seem to have any control over in an otherwise seemingly out of control life.

For me, it's definitely the last three. Particularly the very last one--which brings me to my point--and do I have one???

::Searches frantically for point::

You know, I get really tired of having to post about the First Amendment and censorship.

I hope this will be the last time I have to do this--and the ONLY reason I am doing it now is because this time, it was PERSONAL.

It hit directly in my home right between me and my family--which was, of course, the intended and quite purposeful target.

Well, my blogger friends (and some not so friends) this is the deal: with all that said above, I twittered about my disappointment and very HONEST feelings about certain people in relation to the aftermath of a personal event in our lives recently.

These were not anyone else's words or feelings--these were MINE. I OWN THEM and, furthermore, I will not be robbed of them.

Somebody thought it a good idea to go and check out my 'tweets' for the SOLE purpose of digging up dirt and running to a member of my family with it.

In my tweets I was honest about my feelings about certain people--these were feelings and thoughts I will NOT delete, take back nor apologize for.

Consequences be damned--and let me add that there have indeed been many at a high and personal cost to myself.

But hear this--I WILL NOT CENSOR MYSELF.

The people that did this did so with only one purpose and intention in mind--to find exactly what they were looking for.

These are people who were once welcome in my heart--and in my home time and time again: slept over, been cooked for, cared for, listened to, understood and more importantly loved.

Fellow bloggers--this is what I would equate their sneaky, backhanded behavior to:

Let's say--you're having a conversation in another room. You and the second party excuse yourselves. Someone then sneaks up to the door and quietly listens hoping to get some dirt. Then they have the audacity to get upset at what they hear.

Well--don't listen. Quite simple.

Another example: you wrote some information down on a piece of paper. Someone intentionally goes looking for that piece of paper and when they find it--they don't like what it says.

Again, I have to ask what their motives are?

People know I blog and twitter, if you INTENTIONALLY go looking for something in these networks and then end up not liking what I say--simple solution? Don't go looking for them.

You will not remove my tongue, my thoughts, my words, my opinions, my wishes, my hopes, my feelings.

They are here to stay for as long as I have them.

You don't like them?

Don't read them.

THIS IS MY BLOG. Set up for this reason.

I have lost my dad, my daughter, my home, my job, my sense of security, my livelihood...

This is the only thing I can truly call my own.

“The man creates a pseudonym and hides behind it like a worm.”
~Sylvia Plath

My thoughts are out in the open--I'm not sneaking anywhere to put them. I'm not hiding them. I'm not using a veil of anonymity.

I'm an open book. Clearly to my own detriment at times but that's a chance I'm willing to take.

You'd think I was naming names to the senate!

However, I said it once and I'll say it again--you will not silence me.

Perhaps it's time for those who seek to search and destroy figure out their own purpose and balance in the universe and stop trying to throw me off my axis.

You may do a little damage but I will not fall with injury, without being able to pick myself up, dust myself off and continue on my own path which has no agenda other than self expression.

So, in closing 'Twitter me this':

What's your agenda?

2009-09-06T12:40:00.000-07:00

HELP!

I NEED SOMEBODY--HELP!

NOT JUST ANYBODY--HELP!

WON'T YOU PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME?

HELP ME!

HELP MEEEEEEE.

La-la-la-la-la-la.

Okay, okay, 'The Beatles' did it better, I know.

How do you clever bloggers post pictures on the blog you're writing?

I see posts with pictures and captions and I can't seem to do that (I also have trouble with posting 'clickable' links).

I can only seem to post pictures as a header (see above left for example). I've tried copying & pasting...but...they only come out blank or as web addresses.

God, I suck at this, too.

I don't deserve to blog.

I'm poopie.

So, blogger Gods and Goddesses of UN-suckiness, won't you PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME???

La-la-la-la-la.....

2009-09-04T14:34:00.000-07:00

BROKEN HEARTS AND THE DIVIDING OF ASSETS

B, my 19 year old son, and his girlfriend of almost one year broke up today.

In addition to my sons broken heart--there is also now to be contended with the dividing of assets; primarily the friends they have 'accumulated' together.

Right now, B is in defense mode; "I don't give a &%@#"! We all know that this is him simply licking his wounds and mending his pride trying not to show how hurt he truly is.

The friends he's had before she came along are naturally still going to be here--these are friends he's had for a long time. They are not going anywhere and, as I told him--and which he naturally knows to be true--the ones that remain are the ones that were meant to be. Lack of friends was never a problem for B--he and his close knit group are indeed quite loyal to one another.

The fact remains, however, that there are now logistics that simply have to be worked out and dealt with. They all started junior college together and she and B arranged to have the same classes and schedule.

THAT'S not going to be awkward!!!

Then there is the parking permit; she paid for it, he drives. So, in his haste he gave it back to her. Now he has to contend with attaining another one (more money!!!) before Tuesday (no school on Monday, of course, due to it being Labor Day).

She and--perhaps even, depending on how this all plays out--some of the others whom he drives will now be looking elsewhere for their transportation needs until they can get cars of their own. OR, like B, use their Mom's.

In addition to the sides that have already seemingly been drawn (the potential loss of friendships), B will now have less people to help pitch in for gas and such.

However, we all saw this coming--their relationship has been unraveling for a while now--it was in fact her and him I blogged about yesterday in my 'Thursday Tirade'. There has been no warmth from her displayed, only control and having to absolutely have things her way with no compromising to the point where it caused dissension.

We all saw this and just stood back and waited with protected armor for the debris and shrapnel to fall upon all of us emotionally invested in them.

Trust me, not that B is perfect by any means but I can tell you that he was indeed pretty damned good to her.

I will nonetheless still grieve her presence and continuity in our lives and mostly that of B's.

We love her and don't wish her ill.

B has had two girlfriends--he's not the kind of young man that goes from girl to girl to girl. The first one was a two year relationship that ended a good six or seven months before he met the one he was just with.

I had to mourn her, as well. That was tough.

Although I love her and her presence will be missed by me, 'this one' (like she's a mackerel or something! Sheesh, Jo!) will be a little easier emotionally (I didn't get too close), but more difficult logistically.

So much still to work out--none more so than the healing that needs to take place.

Perhaps this is just temporary--who knows? But if it's not, let's hope that the time that heals all wounds, does so quickly.

EDIT: I will, at a later date, have to go back and edit my sidebars pictures and such. What a sad, sad day....

2009-09-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY FACTS--a.k.a. 'Did you know?'

Hi, all. Quick update: We were supposed to have an appointment with the new attorney yesterday evening but we postponed it until this coming Tuesday, the 8th, so Ed could finish the mounds of paperwork which is required.

Will keep you posted--thank you, as always, for your wonderful well wishes!

In other sad news--Ed's Dad (my father-in-law--77) is not doing well. He's not on his death bed by any means (thank God!) but is simply, sadly lingering.

His health--physical and mental--has been declining for quite some time and Ed goes over there once a week after work for dinner to spend time with him and his Mom (technically step-Mom but she's his MOM--wonderful lady!). My God his Mom has her hands full; works full time (plus a lot of overtime) and then comes home to have to cook and care for his Dad--who is at times quite volatile. He is unable to walk due to Parkinsons, arthritis, poor circulation--you name it (he also has a colonoscopy--sp?--bag), so she has a part time gal that comes in but who is now threatening to quit over his vile verbal behavior.

My mother-in-law is a tiny person and my father-in-law a big man so trying to lift him and such is impossible--so, I am now looking into Hoyer Lifts for her. Will be scanning through some discount medical websites and send her the information.

It takes her TWO HOURS to shower him and get him into bed.

Assisted Living is out of the question financially and she is trying desperately to avoid the state run skilled nursing facilities. Ed and she have both talked to him about his volatile behavior and that if he doesn't stop, he will go into one of those places but NONE of us want that.

He definitely feels a sense of loss of control so his anger and lashing out is, while unacceptable, understandable.

Just such a very sad situation as he was always such a strong, independent man who really started to go downhill after retirement about ten years ago. We'll be going over there on Sunday...

Onto other things now.

Have I ever told you that I'm a plethora of useless information?

I retain the dumbest stuff, honest to God--things that no one could ever possibly care about. Usually Hollywood bru-ha-ha.

Not necessarily anything you haven't heard before per se--just stupid stuff I, for some odd reason, haven't forgotten.

Okay, here goes.

Did you know...

'Sweetwater' was the very first band to play at Woodstock?

'Tinkerbell's' figure was fashioned after Marilyn Monroe?

Contrary to popular belief, Marilyn Monroe was not a size 16? She was in fact, at her biggest, a size 10. Womens sizes have changed over the years and what used to be a 16 was in fact equivalent to a size 10 now.

I know, it depressed me, too.

The name of the play Abraham Lincoln was watching the night of his assassination was called 'Our American Cousin'?

Lana Turner was nicknamed 'The Sweater girl' and Clara Bow was 'The It Girl'?

Olivia De Havilland and Joan Fontaine were sisters--who despised one another, by the way--and both are in fact still alive?

Steve Martin--who frequently plays a Dad on screen--doesn't have kids?

Sarah Jessica Parker grew up on Welfare?

Teri Garr ('Tootsie', 'Mr. Mom', 'Young Frankenstein') has MS (Multiple Sclerosis)?

'An Officer And A Gentleman' was 27 years ago????

Demi Moore started her career on the soap opera 'General Hospital' in the 80's?

Lauren Bacall and Jason Robards were once married?

Hedy Lamar was a pioneer in Telecommunications?

The rumor that a production assistant and one of the 'Munchkins' hung themselves on the set of 'The Wizard Of Oz' is only urban legend? In fact, in the far distance in one of the scenes of the movie, it seems something is indeed 'swinging from a tree' (you can go to youtube.com and look this up)--however, it is in fact merely an ostrich moving his head up and down.

Well, I think that's all I got. NO idea how I know this crap--but I'm a blast at cocktail parties!

Okay, actually I've never been to a cocktail party in my life.

Damn.

Happy Friday, all!

2009-09-03T12:11:00.000-07:00

IS THIS BAD???

I think I need help.

I've become an official 'celeb Twitter stalker', following no fewer than the likes of:

Demi Moore

Ashton Kutcher

Michael Keaton

Giada De Laurentiis

Jenny McCarthy

Oprah Winfrey

Paula Deen

Dean McDermott

Tori Spelling

Diablo Cody

Brent Spiner

P Diddy

Ellen DeGeneres

Good Morning America

Rainn Wilson

Kim Cattrall

Kelly Preston

Kevin Spacey

Evan Handler

Al Gore

Kirstie Alley

Big Brother

Jim Carrey

Sarah Silverman

Melanie Mayron

Kevin Nealon

Rachael Ray

Amanda Bynes

Ben Stiller

Stevie Nicks

PopEater.com

Drew Barrymore

Christina Applegate

Madeleine Stowe

Michael Moore

Bill Gates

Russell Brand

Barbara Walters

Melissa Gilbert

The White House | Washington, DC USA

Gov. Schwarzenegger

Jane Fonda

Eminem

Dita Von Teese

Gwyneth Paltrow

Jon Gosselin

Kate Gosselin

Tony Robbins

Hugh Jackman

Quentin Tarantino

EDIT: Today I added Jimmy Fallon, Deepak Chopra, Dolly Parton & Tristan Rogers ('General Hospital' fans from the 1980's will remember him! And he's still a dish!). Interesting thing is that I won't even buy gossip rags.
I'm sick. Surely there must be a pill for this.

2009-09-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY TIRADE

I stopped by Lori's blog ('The Peterson Family') first thing this morning. You know, to have a cup of Joe and shoot the shi...--er, breeze.

From there I made my way to a new blog that I already adore; 'Just Add Walter'. Great play on words, awesome blog title.

Gee, this isn't sounding much like a tirade, eh?

I suck at this.

Anyway, Amy is the 'Editor In Chief' of said blog (a.k.a. the wife) and every Thursday she 'hosts' 'Thursday Tirade'. Just add your link to her blog (she has it set up easy--for the life of me I can't seem to add a link on here) then head right back to yours and post your rant.

Great idea!

Well, let's face it my dear blogger friends; my whole blog itself is one big rant, isn't it?

Do I possibly have anything new to whine about? Could I possibly be anymore of a bummer and a buzz kill than I already am?

Of course I can. Pfst!

However....don't you hate that word; 'however'? Just a fancy schmancy word for 'but'.

What? Wait? Where was I?...

Oh, yeah. However. However, I really can't rant about what I would like. My rant concerns someone I love very much and who occasionally drops by my blog. I'm not mad at this person I love, I'm mad at some things that are happening to this person I love at the hands of another--who also occasionally stops by my blog (along with many others so...let's hope my attempt at discretion works!).

I'm actually quite furious and upset about this and it's just been building up more and more lately.

I'm also not the only one who feels this way but for the sake of the person we love, we're keeping quiet. For as long as we're able so as not to further cause hurt nor a rift between us and/or the subjects in question.

Okay, that's not entirely true. There was a slight opening yesterday which I was able to tip toe into and speak a little of my peace.

It was acknowledged, well received and understood then dropped shortly thereafter.

I don't even know if the person causing this hurt to our loved one realizes they're doing it. I don't know if they realize how belittling they can be. Controlling is one thing--spirit crushing and humiliation is another.

It's been very difficult to watch but I've had to keep mum.

Me? Me who just yesterday blogged about being against censorship.

But (just an un-fancy un-schmancy word for 'however'), I also stated that just because we could, doesn't mean we should.

So, my rant for 'Thursday Tirade' is not being able to rant. Which goes against the very nature of my being!

As far as having anything else to rant about--I've already laid it all out there for all to see. I got nothin' more already than the above mentioned.

So, for the sake of this person I love...I'm keeping it zipped.

Yep.

Not another word.

I'm a goner.

Done.

I'm outta here.

Yeppers.

Won't get another word out of me, bub.

Uh-uh--no way.

Trap shut.

Quiet as a mouse, I am.

Not a single syllable will I utter.

I am so not talking.

Nope.

Not one word.

2009-09-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

A MESSAGE TO 'K'

'K' is a fellow blogger who, sadly, due to some very harsh words (similar to what I experienced yesterday) found it necessary to delete a very personal, heartfelt blog.

The words the posters in question used to describe her personal and honest process were nothing short of cruel.

I'm all for 'Freedom Of Speech' and am against censorship--it is indeed our First Amendment and one I'm proud of.

I'm also of the mindset, as I think I've stated before; that just because you could, doesn't mean you should.

These nasty bloggers are as entitled to it as the rest of us. I wouldn't have it any other way.

However, with the unkind words they chose to express their opposite views, they forgot one important thing; 'K' had just as much right to blog about her personal experience as they had to disagree.

It's human nature to disagree, naturally. However, to be downright nasty--I will never understand that. Two days in a row now I have felt the ramifications of personal attacks on here--first it was addressed to me, now it is addressed to 'K'.

'K' did two very noble things: one was to find a happy and viable solution for two different women, both of whom were in need. The second was to blog about it--openly and honestly.

The shame here is not on 'K'--but on the bloggers who found it necessary to lash out in disagreement with ugly words such as 'crime' and 'coercion'.

The only 'crime' committed here was that through their ugly actions, 'K' was then deprived of her First Amendment.

So, dear 'Anonymous' from last night as well as 'K''s attackers; if you're reading this--you will not chase me away. Nor will I be deleting any blogs.

To 'K'--stay strong. I understand why you did what you did and you have no judgment from me.

I'm just so sorry that happened to you and for what it's worth--you did a very noble thing in my eyes that resulted in the best possible of endings for all concerned.

Love,
~Jo

EDIT: P.S. A very special thank you for everyone's kind comments in response to my daughter--as well as the support in regards to the hateful 'Anonymous' blogger. Much love right back to each one of you. OOXX

2009-09-01T17:37:00.000-07:00

BLOGGERS COMMENTS--GUILTY AS CHARGED

I received this afternoon a very ugly comment from an "Anonymous" blogger in response to the post about my daughter. Someone who said such vile things to me behind the mask of anonymity while publicly scolding me.

It was chock full of hateful "Shame on you's"...in regards to my daughter and my not being able to buy her a birthday present.

I was also mocked in this hate comment; "Waaa waaa waaaa--oh, somebody please send poor little Jo some money!!!"

I replied but then decided it best to delete their hate--and my subsequent response.

How someone could have so much disdain for someone is beyond me.

I've found it necessary to remove myself from others' blogs as a follower for not liking their content but did so without sending them hate mail. I've also been guilty of commenting on others' blogs--within my own--but again have done so without mentioning names.

To send them hate mail would be cruel and undignified.

Not that I'm always the 'Poster Child' for dignity as this 'Anonymous' blogger pointed out.

THIS, that was posted to me, was quite intentional--and hurtful. Which I suppose was their point.

Well done.

So, let me clear a few things up to avoid any further misunderstandings:

I have been accused of being 'whiny'.

Gee, you think?

Guilty as charged. The title of my blog is "Diary of A Sad Housewife".

I'm sorry that you, dear 'Anonymous', also think that I have been 'wasteful' with money and then have the audacity to whine about it.

You're certainly entitled to feel that way.

I'm also sorry that you think I am a horrible mother to my daughter and that I should be 'ashamed of myself'.

Who says I'm not ashamed?

She would no doubt agree with you. So, no argument from me on that.

Next.

I was also accused of asking fellow bloggers for money in a backhanded way via of my 'whining' about money.

If I came across that way--I am mortified.

For this, I will--and do--apologize.

Never ever was that my intention. I'm actually just the kind of cheeky broad that might come straight out and ask for help, possibly even posting a 'Paypal' link on my blog.

However, I didn't--nor would I.

Our circumstances are such that perhaps I simply don't have the words/intelligence to put things in any other way other than what they are.

It is what it is.

My heartfelt apologies if I came across differently.

I was also told that I should disconnect cable, Internet and such.

FYI: we have a son who just entered college--Internet is vital to his assignments. Now, with that said, do I want to give up the Internet and my blogging? Of course not.

Guilty again.

And we recently downgraded our cable package.

Let me reiterate that we don't go out to eat, we don't travel, etc. THIS is our entertainment.

However, if it gets to the point where we absolutely cannot hang onto it--we will certainly make that decision to disconnect--no qualms about it.

Again, guilty as charged.

There were many more accusations and ugly things said. However, I refuse to get into a public tit-for-tat with this person...so, in conclusion dear 'Anonymous', perhaps it's best you take a cue from me and delete yourself from my followers list--if my content makes you that unhappy--I think it's best for you, me and all involved.

Peace, love and happiness,
~Jo
"Diary Of A GUILTY Housewife"

2009-09-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU

I received in the mail today a lovely gift from a fellow blogger. Ironic and befitting that I should receive it today, on what is my daughter's 23rd birthday (see post below).

It is a sachet--a darling little frog made in my favorite colors of purple, that was wrapped as elegantly and intricately as the hand made item itself.

To "Isabella Golightly", I thank you from the bottom of my grateful heart!

What a lovely, thoughtful thing to do.

Thank you.