Thursday, December 31, 2009
A YEAR IN THE LIFE: WHAT I KNOW, WHAT I'VE LEARNED AND WHAT I HOPE TO LEARN
Happy 2010, all! Hope everyone had a safe and festive New Years Eve.
WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE:
That LOVE is thicker than water. Without it, Ed, B and I had little chance of getting through this past year in tact.
When one of us was feeling disheartened, the other would lift us up. There were many, many times when one of us would say; "How the bloody hell are we going to eat this month? How are we going to make it until next payday? What are we going to do and will things ever get better?"
That's not only where resolve came in, but love. The love we have for one another gave us the tenacity to problem solve, prioritize, learn to make do and take over when the other felt they couldn't.
Love is not an emotion--it is simply good sense.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED:
That I am stronger and more capable than I ever knew. Not to toot my own horn--believe me when I say that I am the poster child for that ever over used and popular term; 'low self esteem'--but several times B and Ed have said to me; "I don't know how you did it, but we made it through this year because of you.".
I would say it was more of a group effort. The truth is, I was always very complacent and took a very passive role in my married life and particularly in finances. I let Ed make the money and determine how it would be spent. On payday I would ask him; 'How much do I have for groceries?' and he would do the working and bill paying.
I'm ashamed of myself for sticking my head in the sand for so long--I knew that we were sinking financially and Ed asked several times for my help. But my fear took over. My fear that I wasn't smart nor capable enough to handle anything other than what I saw as my 'wifely and motherly duties'; grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, child rearing.
I took over our finances this year for the first time in our long marriage--it took us hitting rock bottom for me to get pro-active and because of that, I found my salt. I now know what I'm made of.
I'm only so very monumentally sorry that it took me so long to do so--had I done so sooner, we may have been able to avoid the financial horror of the past year.
"You do the best you know how to do--and when you know better, you DO better." ~Dr. Maya Angelou
WHAT I HOPE TO LEARN:
While there is always more learning to acquire, this is going to be simple:
~I hope to learn how to maintain my new found inner strength that I never knew was there
~I hope to accept things I cannot control and learn to make the best out of a bad situation
~I hope to learn to realize that there will always be bad times--and that it's okay and always will be in the end
~I hope to learn to get over my fears and rid myself of negative thoughts
~I hope to learn to enjoy life more--individually and as a unit
~I hope to learn to recognize happiness--but mostly I hope to learn to seek it out.
I wish the same for you. Happy New Year.
Peace, love, happiness and health,