Thursday, December 17, 2009





THURSDAY TIRADE




Todays diatribe is brought to you by Amy at 'Just Add Walter'. http://justaddwalter.blogspot.com/

Thanks, Amy, for this great idea! It's gives us all validity to go on a rant!

So, today is payday. I was looking forward to our second payday without the garnishment as I still have done very little Christmas shopping and...still no tree.

I had made up my mind not to get a Christmas tree this year--it just seems like so much money for something that gets thrown out--with money having been so tight, I chose practicality over sentiment this year (and I don't do fake trees--no disrespect intended if you feel otherwise).

Then B told me last night that he feels extremely sad that for the first time in his life we're not getting a tree.

So, Friday night we're getting a tree.

Nothing extravagant--perhaps a three or four foot.

Nothing like a 6'2 19 year old breaking your heart.










Once again, I digress. I do that. A lot.

So, Ed's paycheck was deposited--with the garnishment still in tact!

Last payday his company reimbursed him with a separate check for the difference and said that this payday the garnishment would be removed automatically in his actual check, giving us that extra $500.00 that we desperately need.

Didn't happen.

So, now he has to go to payroll and find out what the bloody hell happened? We cannot have this. Unacceptable.

No doubt another check will be issued to him--but how long do we have to wait? Could be days...

It's Christmas!!! I have bills to pay, food to buy, gifts to purchase--oh yeah, and that damned Christmas tree I promised B!


::MAYDAY! MAYDAY! AIRING DIRTY LAUNDRY ALERT!::











Not literally, of course. Ewww! Filthy minded bloggers, I tell ya.

About Ed and I: we rarely argue. After twenty plus years, we've learned to avoid pushing those buttons that set us off and we generally get along very well.

Enter last night--oooh, doggy! We had a big one!!!

HUGE.

As I mentioned in previous posts, Ed's biological mother--I'll call her 'E'--recently came back into the picture after about a fifteen year estrangement.

Long story short: when her and Ed's Dad got divorced about 16 years or so ago, she lost it and took it out on Ed ordering him to make a decision: "Your Dad or me--you can't have us both!"

Ed refused to kowtow to her demands telling her that he will not choose.

After a brutal argument (I actually got punched in the face by her), she disowned us. Ed, me, 'C' (our daughter, who was about seven at the time) and B who was four.

That was it. We were cut off by her and her family. Ed was an only child--his cousins were his 'siblings' for all intents and purposes and all were there at our wedding.

Suddenly it was all taken away from Ed--and us.

The kids were confused about why their Grandmother was no longer in their life and we had to learn to just get on with things and heal.

The story gets much uglier but for the sake of privacy (that's new for me, eh? Ha!), I'm going to exercise a little self-control and spare you further details and just say that this woman caused my family and I much pain and suffering.

Fast forward to a few months ago when we received a letter out of the blue from her asking for forgiveness.

Ed went over and talked to her after that, said she got therapy, and since then we've been rebuilding and repairing.

All those years of harboring, I had to just cut the anchor loose and let it go.

She's since taken a few verbal jabs at me (intentional or not I couldn't say) and has said things that hurt me.

I haven't said one word to her.

Ed's Dad has since remarried a lovely woman that Ed has called 'Mom' for years. She takes great care of Ed's Dad and loves all of us--and us her. So, whenever E has come around, I put away the picture of Ed's 'Mom' and Dad so as not to hurt E. I see no reason to cause additional pain for her in spite of everything.

Nor have I brought up the punching incident, abandoning my kids--nothing has ever been said. Only warm embraces, catching up, etc. I even brought her Christmas presents and pictures of the kids that she missed over the years.

In light of this new development, I sent an E-mail to C and let her know the update with us and E. Now, if you've been reading my blog for a while you know that C and us have also been estranged for various reasons. She's 23 now.

I told C that I thought E to be sincere and that I would like to arrange a lunch or dinner at my house with all of us at her convenience.

She wrote back saying she's "too busy" to see us but that she would like E's phone number.

No problem--I gave her E's numbers and told her that I hope they can work things out.

I guess I didn't mean it, truthfully.

The green eyed monster reared it's chartreuse head last night when my Mom informed me of the 'good news' that C and E will be getting together Saturday night for dinner--sans us.

I lost it!

Okay, not my finest hour.

In spite of my having good intentions, I admit that I immediately felt resentful of C and E both. Both knew I wanted to be a part of this, to be a family once again--perhaps for my own selfish reasons, I admit.

C couldn't make time for us, but for the prodigal Grandmother--no problem.

So, when Ed came home, I told him everything; I was sobbing, in shock, upset, placing blame (on C and E both).

He unleashed back--said some hurtful things and primarily said that this isn't worth it--he's not going to go through this again with her and I at each others throats and the best thing to do would be to cut E off.

I told him that I didn't understand why he had to go to the extreme and take it the other way.

I just needed to vent and for him to perhaps understand my hurt feelings in all of this.

Instead, he name called, yelled, scream and then went into our bedroom, closing the door behind him.

B wasn't home and I ended up eating dinner alone.

When B did come home, he asked me what was wrong, he could tell I'd been crying. I tried to tell him that everything was fine but he wasn't buying it.

So, he gave me pause for thought: he said this is likely exactly what C wanted to happen. He reminded me of how she likes to stir things up and that he can't recall one good memory with his sister.

Ouch.

He said that E is one more person for C to use and get things out of and for me not to take any of this personally.

He then went in and talked to Ed who came out shortly after and apologized to me telling me that I didn't deserve the hurtful things he said.

He said he stands by his initial reaction and thoughts but that he shouldn't have exploded. He gave me a kiss and apologized again.

I really do have a wonderful husband.











And B....if I haven't said it enough before, let me just reiterate that B is a wonderful, beautiful souled man and I am so blessed to have raised him.













There are only about seven of us at the holidays; Ed, B, myself, my Mom, Ed's parents and his step-brother.

I envy those with big family Christmases and I guess I was hoping to change that.

In closing, I have to learn to try and fully un-tether my anger at E and just let things slide so Ed can have her in his life and B can have another Grandmother--or this will in no way work.

I have to also decide whether to stop trying with C and let her come back in her own time....

Right now, I'm conflicted about all of it and have to learn to be content with the old adage of 'It is what it is.'

Peace, love, happiness and health,
~Jo

8 comments:

  1. Despite it all your sense of humor shines! =)

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  2. I think I need to learn a lesson or two from you on how to keep your chin up on high waters!

    I'm back!

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  3. Jo, your spirit amazes me you are so much stronger than you know...follow your heart, it will not lead you wrong....as far as the fight, well that makes for great make up sex...lol

    glad u r getting a tree;)

    love u;)

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  4. I don't know how you manage to keep your focus in life. You have such a beautiful spirit. Given all that you have endured many people would simply have given up. You are a remarkable individual. I hope you are able to calm these waters and put it behind you. Merry Christmas Jo.

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  5. Somehow I know exactly how you feel. My father in law remarried very shortly after my wonderful MIL died from cancer.He married an evil gold digging witch. She had nothing but nasty things to say about my hubs and his brother, she was throwing their mom's money around like nothing.When she came to visit she was furious every time she saw my MIL pictures around and asked everybody on numerous occasions to remove them because she's dead and there is a new queen in town literally.
    My FIL made a decision and chose her over his kids.So they lost their mother and father in the same year. My FIL decided to come back into the picture after our oldest was born 12 years ago. I told him if he's going to do to my child what he did to hid kids I don't want him around. He decided to stick around and ever since them he's been coming to see the boys 3-4 times a year for a weekend. The witch died 3 years ago and I am sorry to say that nobody from our family shed a tear. I think my FIL was relieved.

    Your son sounds like a wonderful young man and you and your hubs are the reason why.

    We don't have a big family around either just 4 of us and my sister with her babies.But last 3 years I started making big Christmas dinner for my best friend and her family of 6. I made my own family of people I love so this year I will be cooking for 15.

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  6. You are such a wonderfully strong woman. I can't imagine how you deal with everything.

    I know there are good things in store for you!!

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  7. Dear Jo
    I stumbled on your blog and i have to say that its honesty is refreshing and touching at the same time. Families and their drama! There is a great movie with Holly Hunter called "Home for the holidays", about a family with issues that comes together during Thanksgiving. As for having a small family during Xmass diner, you should be happy you have some of your family around. Many people I know, me included, are going to be sans family during the holidays. Not that i am complaining. I feel very blessed with my life, being alone at Xmass is just a small bump on the road.
    To sum up, cheer up is the holidays and always know that things could be way worst. Smile for what you have and dont worry for what is not there. All in good time.

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  8. This is an amazing post Jo, and i love that you're such a strong person and fighter of life.
    Thanks so much for your kind words on my blog!
    With lots of love athis special time of year!
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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