Thursday, December 10, 2009

Summing Up The Year In Whine And Rhyme

I sent this out to family and friends this morning via E-mail--our annual Christmas E-greeting/newsletter.

Most newsletters are filled with:

"Donny enjoyed water skiing for the first time while little Theresa Anne learned that making doo-doo in the dogs water bowl is a no-no."

"Brad got his fifth promotion of the year and we celebrated with an excursion to Bora-Bora. Next stop--St. Petersburg! Hold on to your babushkas!"


So, my satirical 'jest-ness' once again reared it's ugly, yet playful, head and concocted the following newsletter to family and friends and was sent out this morning.

I THOUGHT it was funny.

Apparently, I was the only one.

ZERO responses.

I THOUGHT my friends and family had a good sense of humor.

Wrong again.

Humor is subjective, I suppose. Whatever.

We'll see what tonight and tomorrow brings.

Hey, if others can't cry and laugh with me--f*ck 'em and a bah humbug to you, too.

Those of you who've been following me for a while, thankfully get my humor (I think--I HOPE).

Enjoy my year in whine and rhyme:

'A Sorta Kinda Funny Christmas Poem'

Merry Christmas, dear family and friends--we are quite happy to see 2009 come to a screeching end~

This will not be your typical cheerful greeting; one of vacations, good times nor a picture are we sending~

While we certainly hope this finds you all happy, healthy and well--for us this has been a year of pure screaming hell~

January began with a whimper not a bang, while in February we sadly lost our 18 year old feline~

February and through Spring is one giant blur, no happy times we can recall, though there must be some somewhere~

In June we began bankruptcy proceedings, got a shitty lawyer who wouldn't return our many rings~

Made promises and lied and didn't do his job, in the meantime we're flailing and began to openly sob~

Garnishment of a thousand was deducted each month, so from Ed's pay there was little left for breakfast, dinner or lunch~

Shitty lawyer kept promising our nightmare would soon end, but he didn't crunch the numbers right, then our fright fest truly began~

So, in fall Jo sought out a new attorney, one who did his job to help us on this journey~

Jo told shitty lawyer to go fly a kite, was last seen with Jimmy Hoffa--ask no questions and it will be all right~

Times were still tough with the garnishment in place, food was scarce, bills were--eh hem--'misplaced'~

We held on as best as we could, eating very little but hey--I now have great recipes for wood!~

Ed lost much weight but Jo gained what he shed, how that happened remains a great mystery in her head~

Not as thin as last year but thinner than the year before that, prefers to be what she was in '08 but at least she's still not quite as fat~

Then December 1st came our life's relief; our new lawyer filed bankruptcy to put an end to our prolonged grief~

That very week, Santa brought Ed an early gift; 'Swine Flu' came to visit, it's arrival cruel and quite swift~

Did we need this crap on top of everything else? Jo found him in the bathroom where he fainted and needed a lift~

He is on the road to wellness and is now back at work, still not feeling great but heaven knows we've been through a lot worse~

Okay, so not all of it has been so bad--B commenced high school in June and is now a happy grad~

Junior college he began and is now happily in place, for R.C.C. is where he is making his mark in the human race~

Other than that, there's not much else to ponder--if you see Santa tell him for us to head six feet under~

Thanks for nothing, Santa, and for a shitty year--maybe in 2010 someone will run over all your reindeer~

We'll try not to be bitter as we try to bounce back, we'll try never to eat 'Top Ramen' again, in fact~

So, here's to hoping for a better next new year--for you, for us and even for Santa and his lousy reindeer.

Peace, love, happiness and health


  1. that is quite the poem there! I am hoping to a great 2010 for you!!!

  2. As always I just love your honesty...seriously my friend you are one ballsy lady and I love ya even more for it;) If they dont get it, tell um to eat

    I seriously pray a better yr is ahead for you and yours

    much love

  3. "The truth will set you free"...maybe your friends do not want to face the truth...maybe they feel guilty they were not there for you or realize they could have helped. Who knows what their reason for not replying. Hang in there. I and many others are praying 2010 is an awesome year for you.
    Blessings, andrea

    PS: Speaking the truth is always best, but some people can't handle it.

  4. I like's the truth. Mine would be something similar to that, but with different twists and turns.

    Yes, 2009 was the worst year in mine, yours and others lives so why pretend? If someone can't deal with it then....oh, well.

    Hang in there, our time is coming. I can feel it.

  5. I like it. For us, our shitty year was "2008, the year we hate!" We had t-shirts made that said, "2008, the year we hate. Hoping everything is fine in 2009!"

  6. I hope this new year is better and brighter for you and yours.

    ...I love the bah humbug image and am passing it on to my godfather. It is right up his alley. Thanks for sharing that!!!

  7. Love it, 2009 was our shitty year..actually still is. Hopefully it will not spill into 2010..haha Thanks for stopping by on my SITS feature day it is nice to meet you. Have a wonderful holiday season and a terrific 2010 :)