Thursday, December 10, 2009
Summing Up The Year In Whine And Rhyme
I sent this out to family and friends this morning via E-mail--our annual Christmas E-greeting/newsletter.
Most newsletters are filled with:
"Donny enjoyed water skiing for the first time while little Theresa Anne learned that making doo-doo in the dogs water bowl is a no-no."
"Brad got his fifth promotion of the year and we celebrated with an excursion to Bora-Bora. Next stop--St. Petersburg! Hold on to your babushkas!"
So, my satirical 'jest-ness' once again reared it's ugly, yet playful, head and concocted the following newsletter to family and friends and was sent out this morning.
I THOUGHT it was funny.
Apparently, I was the only one.
I THOUGHT my friends and family had a good sense of humor.
Humor is subjective, I suppose. Whatever.
We'll see what tonight and tomorrow brings.
Hey, if others can't cry and laugh with me--f*ck 'em and a bah humbug to you, too.
Those of you who've been following me for a while, thankfully get my humor (I think--I HOPE).
Enjoy my year in whine and rhyme:
'A Sorta Kinda Funny Christmas Poem'
Merry Christmas, dear family and friends--we are quite happy to see 2009 come to a screeching end~
This will not be your typical cheerful greeting; one of vacations, good times nor a picture are we sending~
While we certainly hope this finds you all happy, healthy and well--for us this has been a year of pure screaming hell~
January began with a whimper not a bang, while in February we sadly lost our 18 year old feline~
February and through Spring is one giant blur, no happy times we can recall, though there must be some somewhere~
In June we began bankruptcy proceedings, got a shitty lawyer who wouldn't return our many rings~
Made promises and lied and didn't do his job, in the meantime we're flailing and began to openly sob~
Garnishment of a thousand was deducted each month, so from Ed's pay there was little left for breakfast, dinner or lunch~
Shitty lawyer kept promising our nightmare would soon end, but he didn't crunch the numbers right, then our fright fest truly began~
So, in fall Jo sought out a new attorney, one who did his job to help us on this journey~
Jo told shitty lawyer to go fly a kite, was last seen with Jimmy Hoffa--ask no questions and it will be all right~
Times were still tough with the garnishment in place, food was scarce, bills were--eh hem--'misplaced'~
We held on as best as we could, eating very little but hey--I now have great recipes for wood!~
Ed lost much weight but Jo gained what he shed, how that happened remains a great mystery in her head~
Not as thin as last year but thinner than the year before that, prefers to be what she was in '08 but at least she's still not quite as fat~
Then December 1st came our life's relief; our new lawyer filed bankruptcy to put an end to our prolonged grief~
That very week, Santa brought Ed an early gift; 'Swine Flu' came to visit, it's arrival cruel and quite swift~
Did we need this crap on top of everything else? Jo found him in the bathroom where he fainted and needed a lift~
He is on the road to wellness and is now back at work, still not feeling great but heaven knows we've been through a lot worse~
Okay, so not all of it has been so bad--B commenced high school in June and is now a happy grad~
Junior college he began and is now happily in place, for R.C.C. is where he is making his mark in the human race~
Other than that, there's not much else to ponder--if you see Santa tell him for us to head six feet under~
Thanks for nothing, Santa, and for a shitty year--maybe in 2010 someone will run over all your reindeer~
We'll try not to be bitter as we try to bounce back, we'll try never to eat 'Top Ramen' again, in fact~
So, here's to hoping for a better next new year--for you, for us and even for Santa and his lousy reindeer.
Peace, love, happiness and health