Friday, December 18, 2009
IMAGINING LETTING IT BE
Hi, all. Well, to update you on yesterdays 'tirade'--I am deriving my strength and will from the immortal words of 'The Beatles': "And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be."
You may be asking right about now; "So, Jo--what the bloody hell does that mean?"
Hell, I don't know! Sounded good at the time.
Seriously, I'm letting it be.
Tonight we're getting our Christmas tree where we're (Ed, B and I) having E, my Mom and three of 'our kids' over to decorate it (our oldest son 'J', his wife and V). I haven't decided if I'm going to make a big pot of chili for the occasion or splurge on a few 'Little Caesar's' $5.00 pizzas (none of which I can partake in, of course).
Ed called E last night to invite her--she's actually not sure if she can make it and will let us know today; she had plans with some of her family members at her house that she's going to try and reschedule.
If she can't make it, we'll simply carry on as we have these past fifteen/sixteen or so years without her: we'll decorate our tree, I'll put in my favorite Christmas CD's ('A Celtic Christmas', Kenny G., Tony Bennett...), have some hot water for hot chocolate and apple cider ready and we'll chow on some good grub.
For the occasion, I'm even going to make my cinnamon fudge and Steven Anthony's 'Peppermint Meringue's' from his 'Man Dish' blog (http://manndish.blogspot.com/2009/12/peppermint-meringues.html --I'm sorry that I still haven't figured out how to post links on here!). Thank you, Steven, for this recipe and for sharing it with us!
Sheesh, all I need is a Santa suit, a sleigh and a long white beard--tempted to shave Ed's off and borrow it! Isn't Ed handsome, by the way???? Sorry, I digress...
Look at me being all jolly and stuff.
Well, jolly may not be the right word: I have a house to clean, cookies and fudge to bake, towels to fold and put away and hair to dye--I mean wash!!
Boy, it gets 'dirty' so quickly (there's a euphemism for gray if I ever heard one!).
Okay, for the first time in months (MONTHS!) I am going back to my red hair that personifies me. I feel like I was born a red head, shoulda been a red head.
Found hair dye (I mean shampoo. Yep--that's it. Shampoo) for $3.00 and some change on sale and got two boxes--BOTTLES!!
Oh, damn it all to hell.
In closing--and before my typing let's loose of any further secrets, I want to thank you all sincerely for your very kind comments. I am touched and overwhelmed that while I feel unsure of every single move I make (and have made) that some others see me as 'strong' (and some perhaps as 'whiny'--ha!).
I am still not sure where this thing with E will lead or how it will turn out--and I am equally unsure of our future relations with C (see my previous post if you're perhaps new here to catch up on my meanings): I can't begin to guess where either of their heads and hearts are leading them.
I can only try and control MY actions, my thoughts, my feelings and how I choose to play them out.
So, for now; I am attempting a little grace and am choosing to take the high road to make life a little easier for Ed and B (not to be confused with 'martyrdom' in any way!)--and perhaps in the end, I will find that by doing so, I made life a little easier for me, too.
Merry Christmas, my dear blog friends.
Thank you for sticking with me.
As for me? I'm simply letting it be.
Peace, love, happiness and health,
"You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one"