Monday, November 30, 2009


If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Tomorrow we file for bankruptcy. I just finished E-mailing our attorney last minute information he requested so he could draw up the final draft on our paperwork.

So far
all seems well there.

But, I digress. Let me back up just a bit and explain what is leading up to my anxiety.

As I may have mentioned in previous posts (or not--can't recall at this moment), we have an open door policy to all of B's (our son) friends.

They are an extension of our family, and are treated as such.

We have several who visit daily who are loved and welcome.

Most of the time.

Our 'oldest son', J (whom I have mentioned before--there is a picture of him and his wife on my side bar) just got back a few months ago from 'Wyotech' in Wyoming where he graduated with honors. J and his wife, 'C', live with C's parents nearby.

With J came 'N'. N is a friend J met in Wyoming and brought home with him. N fits in well with us and our little group and he was immediately embraced by us all.

Then there's 'V'. A good friend of B's from high school and who frequently stays over on the weekends.

Typically, I don't mind this as we love them all.

We have a tradition: every Sunday I cook breakfast for all of them after J and C get back from church. I truly enjoy this. This past Sunday (yesterday) was pumpkin pancakes--I will post the recipe later in this post.

So, Wednesday night, before Thanksgiving, I made dinner for myself, Ed, B, V and N.

I wasn't planning on feeding V and N, but, they were here and I just happened to have just enough.

On Friday, I fixed leftover Turkey sandwiches for Ed, B and V.

Again, had to stretch the leftover Turkey to make more for V.

Saturday night they were all here for dinner--this time at my invitation. It seemed one of those 'let's stay together' nights. We watched a Christmas movie ('Love Actually') and we had a nice fire going. I also decorated for the holidays that day. Snowmen as far as the eye can see in my home.

Then Sunday I did my weekly breakfast for everyone.

After a while, as usual, J and C left and took N with them. They had things to do of their own and came back later on that day when they were finished, which was fine. No problem there.

The problem was that after breakfast when most everyone else left, one remained. And remained. And remained.

This was Sunday afternoon now about 2:00. I fixed Ed and B sandwiches for lunch and then realized; "Oops! V is still here!" So, I then proceeded to fix sandwiches for him, too.

He didn't ask for them, mind you--but I knew it had been a while since breakfast and that Ed and B were hungry so it seemed the right thing to do (which is how he ended up here for dinner Wednesday and Friday, too).

At that point--I was huffy. Persnickety even if you will.

That's right--I said it. PERSNICKETY.

I didn't say anything, but I really got myself worked up in a tizzy.

I was ready for a little time with just Ed and B.

At that point I figured I fulfilled my food obligation of the week/weekend (and again, I enjoy doing the breakfast thing on Sunday and Saturday evening was my idea, as well) but then I was ready for EVERYONE to go home for a while and let me have what little time I get to spend with B now-a-days.

It's getting harder and harder to nail him down--he's always busy with school, friends and his ex-girlfriend, whom he still spends much time with--and I would have liked V to go home when everyone else did so I could breathe and just be with Ed and B.

That didn't happen.

Then after several hours--lunch is now done--V is still there and then the rest come back for a while.

No problem since V was still there at that point. J and C then left again to go eat dinner and this time, N stayed behind, and, yep--you guessed it, V was still here at dinnertime, too.

Well, guess what?

I made B and Ed their 'Hamburger Helper'. I ONLY had just enough for the two of them and had already thawed just enough meat for that.

Again, I fulfilled my food obligation and while a part of me felt guilty, we had no choice but to just go ahead and eat with V and N there (I fixed myself a quick stir-fry while Ed and B the ate their 'Hamburger Helper').

N, by the way, was sprawled out on my sofa asleep so that no one else could sit down in my very small living quarters.


INCENSED I tell you.

No doubt they were hungry but they didn't ask for anything and for once, I didn't offer.

Even if all I have are hot dogs and bread, I would normally offer to make those who are here something--but, I didn't this time.

Everyone knows if I have it, I'm happy to share, and typically, I DO.

But, I was too pissed for words.

Evidently my slamming cupboards and not talking to anyone didn't make it's not so subtle way into their consciousness.

Hmpf. Go figure.

Again, this isn't directed and J and C, who know when to come and go.

Although, while I'm at it--J could wait a little long before coming by in the mornings--ha! I'd like to unwind with at least ONE cup of coffee first. ;)

But he knows he's always welcome and he knows when it's time to leave. I never have to tell him.

So, only when B leaves for the night to go stay at his 'girlfriends/not girlfriends' house--ONLY THEN do V and N leave. By now, of course, Ed is sound asleep on the sofa.

Nice spending this day with you guys.

Truthfully, I kinda felt like our Sunday was taken from us.

So, then today, V texts me and asks if he could use my computer and that it won't take long--indicating when he's done, he'll leave. Naturally, I say no problem. I know he needs to check on his financial aid for junior college, and we know what it's like to be computer less.

An hour goes by--he's still not here, so, I text him. He comes right over. Takes him ten minutes to check on his status, then he sits down and stays--for three hours.

B is still at school.

I should mention that J is here at this point 'cause we're going to watch a Christmas movie--but I'm so agitated by now that I wander around the house aimlessly while he and V finish up the movie, with my only catching bits and pieces.

My apologies to adorable ten year old Macauley Culkin for abandoning you in your time of need while you're running away from crooks in New York. Glad you made it back to your family safe and sound.

So, Ed calls me from work to give me the information I needed to send to our attorney via E-mail for pre-filing.

While he calls, I walk to our mailbox and find that he's received a ticket for allegedly running a red light. A claim both he and B vehemently deny, since B was with him that day in the car going to the L.A. Kings game.

Did I need this the day before we file bankruptcy????

I thought; 'Wow. It's all going to be alright. Tomorrow we file and we'll be free and clear to live life again...' and WHAMMY! Not so fast, Jo.

So, I had a meltdown that had been about 24 hours in the making.

I'm talking to Ed on the phone when V comes running over and rifling through the paperwork in my hand as I'm trying to gather my bearings and explain to Ed about the ticket he just received in the mail (via traffic light camera that he was unaware of) and wondering how much THIS is going to cost us.

I'm still paying $30.00 a month for a speeding ticket he got earlier this year and really cannot afford any further financial setbacks.

Anyhoo--V, meaning well, was just on my last nerve and I was already in meltdown mode.

I didn't need an audience as Ed and I yelled at each other.

This was a private matter that should have remained private at that moment.

Never mind that I'm now sharing this with you all (ha-ha)--it's just a little bit different when ones emotions are raw with new information and a lot of stuff is going through my brain at that moment with everything else going on, too.

An audience I did not need.

I needed to wind down and decompress.

I don't know what to say or do that wouldn't hurt anyones feelings--I don't want them to stop coming over, just to know when it's time to leave.

I likely don't have that many Sundays left with a busy, always on the go 19 year old son.

So, this news of a ticket today floored me and got me thinking; "That's what I get for getting my hopes too high that 2010 would start off wonderfully for us after nearly two years of this bulls&!*."

I repeat; "If it walks like a duck...'

I'll update my blog tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday as to the bankruptcy filing.

Now, onto the recipe I mentioned earlier. Yes, these are vegan and nobody can tell the difference--no one is missing the eggs or milk because they are truly delicious and fluffy.

PUMPKIN PANCAKES (makes about six pancakes--double the recipe for more):

~1 Cup Flour

~1 Tablespoon Sugar

~2 Tablespoons Baking Powder

~1/8 Teaspoon Salt

~1 Cup Soy Milk

~2 Tablespoons Vegetable Oil

~1/2 Of A 15 Ounce Can Of Pumpkin

~Cinnamon And Nutmeg To Taste (Or 'All Spice', Or 'Pumpkin Pie Spice')

*Mix all ingredients together until it looks and feels like cake batter. If it's too thick, add a little more soy milk.

Make them as flat as you can on the griddle so the middle cooks through--do not flip until you can do so without uncooked batter drooping on the spatula.

Serve with maple bacon or sausage.



  1. yummers the pancakes sound devine, cant wait to try V, isnt that the name of the show about the allien lizard people who come to earth and visit, but never leave and eat everything in sight....sound familuar, lol.....u r like me, we sometimes are just to nice;)

    btw: New computer finally arrived, Im back;)

  2. Those pancakes sound wonderful. I am going to have to come back and get the recipe when I have something to write it on. We eat mostly organic and love stuff like this.
    As for the teenager issue, we have been down the same road and like you we are too nice. Unfortunately, we finally had to put our foot down with one and she did get her feelings hurt. I still have an open door policy, but I do need my own space here and there.
    Blessings, andrea

  3. I am so sorry that those selfish , yes I said selfish people took your Sunday away from you especially now when you are going through such a tough time.

    I could just come over there and slap some senses into them all. I learned a new word in the last few weeks and it is "NO". It feels good once you learn it and use it...believe me.

    Hang in there

  4. Jo, those pancakes sound delicious. I am going to have to try that recipe sometime.

    Jo, you are too nice. V needs to get a kick in the ass.