Saturday, August 22, 2009


DAMN.


As I sit typing this update on this hot, muggy Saturday afternoon (with no A/C no less), I am trying to figure out how to piece together my thoughts to make words, those words into a sentence and that sentence multiplied enough to convey the true scariness (is that a word? Must be...not underlined in red. Hmmm...) of our situation.

Ed is stressed, upset, leg jiggling in nervousness and his face has 'that look'--you know that look? Everyone's got one. The one you don't see often, where you feel everything he's feeling and you know it's best to just stay out of his way. Not like him to be so restless. To see his fear so palpable and unguarded sends shivers down my spine that reach clear inside of me and yank on my throat and my heart.

THIS is bad.

No call from our attorney, no E-mail--and another pay day with garnishments.

Something's got to give--and it looks like it's going to be our faith and hope that we could have a happy ending, not to mention more of doing without; struggling to put food on the table, gas in our cars, utilities paid--more less help put our recent high school graduate son through junior college.

The pure injustice of this--of the cruelty being exercised by our attorney's silence, ambivalence and apathy at a very real and high personal cost to our livelihood--is clearly taking it's toll.

I just don't understand....

We simply do not know what to do anymore...it seems our hands are tied. This has become unbearable.

7 comments:

  1. I am sorry you are having such a hard time - I remember watching my parents as a kid go through a BK and later after I was married - that time I was able to help a little. I can only imagine how you can be feeling. I too am a MS awareness advocate at least I try to be. My sister suffers from this disease and I hate seeing her suffer so much but her spirits are awesome.
    Love,
    Kelly

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  2. Hi Jo! I just got caught up on your blog. Gosh, I feel for you. I went through that in 2004 after my burnout. Well, it wasn't bankruptcy, but close. A Consumer Proposal which meant I would repay a portion of my debt. I had to sign a contract to pay off a crazy amount of money for 5 years, I remember at one point in the summer of 2007, having to go out and collect empty cans and bottles so I could buy food, walking the 90 minutes each way because I couldn't afford to put gas in the car. I lost it all, condo, car, electronics, retirement income (had to use it to live)...and only now am I just able to start rebuilding 5 1/2 years later. I can't imagine going through that again, I sincerely wish you all the strength in the world. I also know the feeling of losing faith and hope...still haven't really regained it, although the hope has returned, the faith hasn't. But I did gain faith in my so I guess that's something! I'm just really grateful that I still have my health and my dogs. Keep blogging about it, it really helps. I find it quite therapeutic on most days, and since I started blogging publicly in January this year, I've really made a lot of progress. The support is amazing out there! Maybe this is a silly question, but can you switch liars, uh...I mean LAWYERS?
    :-) My grandfather used to pronounce it that way, lol.

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  3. Btw....I TOTALLY read that BB11 spoiler site every day, lol! I only started watching during season 9 and got totally hooked. But just a few weeks ago, discovered the spoiler transcripts. I don't want to say any more because one of my friends follows your blog and he is very good at resisting the spoilers! Don't want to ruin anything for him or he'll slap me silly, lol! But man...the drama is amazing this year, lol! I've actually coined a term that sometimes I need to "Lydia-out" when I'm too anxious and worried!
    :-)

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  4. Thank you for sharing your story, Rain--I'm so glad you're seeing some light at the end of the tunnel finally.

    I'm looking forward to having that measurement of peace. I never expected to live a Utopian existence--just to be able to LIVE, to simply be able to provide for ourselves--right now, that's not happening too well....

    After this harrowing experience with our attorney--who has all our paperwork and whom we've invested our time and hope--we just don't know where to go, whom to turn to and whom to trust.

    However, we're not ruling it out, if we don't hear from him soon--we're sunk and will have no choice but to move forward somewhere else, hoping, of course, that it's not too late...

    I thank you for hoping for me.

    Yes, BB11 is exciting as 'chit' this year--ha! I'm digging it.

    Thanks again for dropping by, beautiful lady.
    Have yourself a wonderful weekend.

    ~Jo

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  5. Jo, my heart goes out to you. I went through bankruptcy in 1993, after my husband and I both lost our jobs, and I had withdrawn my retirement to start a business which failed within two years. We lost everything, the business, our 5 bedroom house with pool (I still miss that damned pool!), 2 cars, just about everything but our clothes and what few things we could fit into a friends pickup truck. (We had no money to rent or hire a moving van, so most of our furniture except for our bed and table, tv, and couch were left behind.

    Just wanted you to know, there is life after bankruptcy. We started over, and managed to over a period of years, get to a point where we could afford to retire. It wasn't easy. When I got a job, I put as much in my new 401k as I could afford, took advantage of my company's stock purchase plan, and eventually was able to sell the stock to and borrow from my 401k to purchase a mobile home. At age 65 I still have 8 years left to pay on the home, but we're managing to breathe easily again.

    I wish you the best of luck. I hope things work out for you. Keep your chin up. I am sending positive thoughts your way.

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  6. Thank you, Eve, for your kind words. IF we can ever even get THROUGH the bankruptcy, I'm sure that will be the case for us, also.
    Right now having an ambivalent and uncooperative attorney is not helping.
    I'm so sorry you've had to go through this--it seems to be a resonating tone here and reinforces what I already knew, of course, and that is that we certainly aren't the only ones who are going through this or have gone through this.
    Thank you!
    Peace,
    ~Jo

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  7. Hi, Jo.

    Stopping in from SITS.

    I think it's so courageous of you to chronicle your journey in such a public forum. But as a fellow writer, I trust it will be cathartic for you. Writing is usually my best path to peace.

    Peace to you!

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